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Author: Esprit
Part 1 Figuring It Out
"Tanks for de save, Logan. I appreciate de help," Remy said to Logan in his apartment the evening after they had finished their mission to kick fishy-face’s butt.
Logan was sweaty, muscles tense, coming inside, already scouting for beer before he even closed the door.
"In de fridge, mon ami,” Remy supplied knowing the look on Logan’s face.
Logan just grunted. “Uh huh....” He was heading that way! Finding a nice cool one, Logan popped the lid with a claw and pounded it. Remy, avoiding the malt beverage and went to the liquor cabinet to make himself a whiskey instead. Logan looked over at Remy. “How y' feelin'?” He noticed Remy had a few scrapes still. He realized that he forgot to ask sometimes because he healed so damn fast; cuts and scrapes were easily overlooked that way.
"Remy jus' fine, homme. I admit, it would be nice to have m' healin' factor back, but I'm used to not havin' it.”
“Good,” Logan said as he drank some more, quiet for a minute then started to smile.
"What ‘r you smilin' at?" Gambit asked almost grumpily.
Logan chuckled in that soft manly way before saying, “Lili Penrose....”
"Oh, mon dieu! I'm never gon' live dat down, am I?"
Logan, snorting said, “No. Especially not if I can get a hold of it.”
"Get hold o'... what?" Remy asked tentatively.
Logan was grinning like the Cheshire cat. “The tape.”
Remy, bracing himself for what was going to be said had started to drink, but instead got a burst of fire through his nose as the Jack Daniels sprayed across the living room. Shouldn'na done dat… Any of it.
Logan chuckled richly as he asked, “Y'all right, there, kid?”
"Logan... I swear—I told de femme no," he said trying to convince Logan that he was concerned only about the incident.
He grinned at Remy. “Was the question, ‘would you mind fucking me?’”
"It wasn' like dat!"
Logan got up and went to the kitchen to get another beer. “What are you being so bashful about? It's not a crime to lay a broad.”
I'm just afraid you gon' remember dat promise I gave y' 'bout not breakin' Rogue's heart again. I'd hate to have 'words' wit' y' like you were talkin' dat day. Logan kind of threatened Remy when he got back from Antarctica, but that was a long time ago. Maybe he had left that behind them.
Logan looked at Remy and sensed that he was a bit spooked. “Christ, kid, think y' killed somebody, the way you're behavin'....” Logan admitted to himself that he remembered threatening Remy about breaking Rogue’s heart, but hey, he threatened everyone at least once.
Remy relaxed once he realized that Logan wasn’t going to beat him to a pulp. Drinking the rest of the liquid in his glass he looked back up at Logan. He looked... really cool in a white shirt all soaked with sweat. Logan opened the new beer, sitting down on the couch, watching Remy to try and read him. He knew Remy pretty well but the kid was acting strangely. “She isn't pregnant is she?”
"How should I know!!!!" he yelled at the ceiling. "It weren't a week ago!" He paused exasperated. "So, I guess technically, no, she's not."
Logan laughed at him. “So what is it then? Y' think I'm goin' to mash you to jelly cause you're cheatin' on Rogue again?”
Remy looked at the floor. "S' not like we can touch anymore. After... gettin' used to touchin'... I suppose I ain' as strong as I used to be. I'm only human, right, homme?" Remy paused. "Guess I'm jus'... feelin' guilty 'bout it."
Logan watched Remy for a while, contemplating the kid and his situation. “Why don't you break it off?”
"Not so simple as all dat. I have feelin's for Rogue-- strong ones... but I--" he didn't know how to finish his sentence. "I still need—an’ Lilli Penrose wouldn' 'xactly take ‘no’ for an answer." Logan just sat quietly, drinking. He eyed Remy as he thought, knowing Remy would finish in his own time. "Logan, I don' know what I'm doin'. Maybe I should just let Rogue go. She deserves somebody who can devote dat kind of attention to her. Deserves holdin'... I jus' got to be dat for her temporarily."
Logan could personally never date someone he couldn't touch, but Remy didn’t need to know that. He took another cool draught, thinking that Remy’d gotten himself in one fine stitch.
"What would you do?" Remy asked out of curiosity.
“Dump her for good. Rogues not my type a gal...” then he finished more to himself, “Well... Never would've dated her in the first place though... if it were me....”
Remy sighed. I jus' wish I had all de answers, y'know? Remy looked over at Logan and sat down next to him. Logan kept track of him out of the corner of his blue eyes. Logan said softly, “That wasn't the answer you wanted, was it?”
"Non, but it's your answer." Remy thought for a moment. "I make you a deal," and he waited for an affirmative response.
“Oooooo-kay.,” Logan said warily.
"Since you wanted to see it, if I get hold o' dat tape, you can see it, if you keep quiet about de whole incident. To Rogue in particular,” he said as he wondered casually why Logan would want to see the tape at all.
Logan snorted at Remy. “I won't tell Rogue, Remy. Was just tryin' to raise your hackles.” Logan chilled out, sadly looking at yet another empty beer can in his hand.
You done a damn fine job o' dat, homme.
“So what are you going to do?” he asked Remy.
"I should still get hold of dat blasted ting so it doesn't get all over de internet or some crazy ting like dat. But about Rogue... I don' know.”
Logan chuckled, “It could probably sell really well...” He looked over at Remy “Have you ever known what to do with Rogue?”
"Non," he sighed.
“Is she your one true love?”
"Ain' never had much in de way of ‘one true love,’ ami."
“Huh....” he grunted as he crumpled his beer can in his hands. “You just don't want to be alone.”
"Well, can y' blame me? I know how painful it was for you to lose Mariko…."
Logan glared at Remy a little, heaving a sigh. “Yeah.” There was a great pause, perhaps in respect, perhaps in understanding. “So... When you comin' back to New York?” He looked longingly at the fridge, knowing there was more beer in there.
"Wish I could stay here for longer, but I'm afraid dat dis... li'l incident has made me tink twice. I hate it when dat happens."
Logan grinned. “Home is always further away than you think, huh?” He finally got up and retrieved another beer, sitting next to Remy again, closer this time.
"I always feel so torn, y'know? I wanna be wit de X-Men.... I kinda tink of dis as a li'l vaccation. Was fun, wasn't it?" he looked over at Logan and smiled at the fun they had beating unsuspecting thugs up.
Logan snorted. “I swear to God, you tell anyone I was wearin' that tail, I'll twist ya into a pretzel.”
Remy chuckled. "Awe, c'mon, it siuted y'."
Logan laughed. “How did no one notice I'm not fuzzy, have five fingers and am about 300 pounds heavier than Kurt could ever be?”
"It was de descriptions of us dat his men gave to fish-face dat was de kicker. If dey had known what we all look like, it wouldn'a worked."
Logan understood that, but smirked at him anyway, tapping his temple with the beer can. “Yer a thinker, Remy....” …and a looker… shhhhh! he ordered himself.
"Don' tell nobody. It'll ruin m' reputation as a dumb hick." He paused. "An' y' only look a hundred pounds heavier dan Kurt, so's y' know."
Logan grinned. “Look is the key word, I suppose....” He could feel himself get a little weighed down by the adamantium sometimes. He contemplated Remy for a moment. “No one thinks yer dumb, Remy.”
"Y' kiddin'?" he looked at Logan with a sideways glance.
Logan looked at him straight on. “No. You underestimate us,” especially me, he thought, “if you think we're all gonna fall for any 'dumb hick' routine.” Logan sat his empty beer can down hard on the coffee table to finalize the point. “So there.”
Remy looked away from Logan. "Enh,” he shrugged. “Ain' de first time somebody been wrong 'bout dis cajun."
“ No. You would be the first time someone was wrong about this Cajun.” He admitted that he was one of those people who thought he knew more about Remy than Remy himself did.
"I'm just a regular ol' Cajun," he said innocently. "An' don' you go sayin' different, 'specially 'round here." Remy sighed, hoping that Logan wouldn’t press the point. "You wanna head back to New York tomorrow?"
Logan shook his head. “Naw....” He didn't really want to go back to the mansion. “Mebbe I'll head up to Canada or somethin’....” He laced fingers behind head, leaning back, getting comfy.
"Why would y' wanna go to a frozen wasteland like dat? 'S much nicer here in N'Awlins."
Logan snickered at Remy. “It drops below 70 and you're bitching about the cold, Gumbo.” He actually thought it was kinda cute the way he did that.
"Can't help it. Got a thin skin, me."
“Yeah, then thin blood...” he looked at Remy. “You goin' back?”
"To New York? Figure sometime I better. But it's so much colder up dere. Y'd tink it were half a world away. I dunno what I'm gon' do. I don' really feel up t' seein' Rogue if she's back from her home town. Maybe I'll jus' stay down here." It was so easy to promise himself that he'd stay in New Orleans forever. The longer he stayed though, the more he loved the pieces of his home that he no longer had and hated what his city was turning into.
Nodding, Logan rummaged around in his pockets for a half-smoked cigar. “If it makes you feel any better, kid, 'm pretty sure Rogue knows. Y'mind?” he asked holding up the cigar.
"Knows what?" he asked, gesturing for Logan to go ahead with the cigar.
Logan lit up. “That y' sleep around. In fact, m' pretty sure the whole team knows.” He savored that crazy cigar taste!
"Damn," he sighed as he leaned back into the couch cushions and crossed his arms. "Well, de reputation jus' kinda follows me around. Not like I ever brought anybody home to de mansion."
“No, but y' came home smellin' of ‘em....” he tried to say it casually, but wasn’t really succeeding.
"Of what?" he asked on the verge of turning into a tomato.
“Sex. And women.” and men, he thought, but didn’t want to embarrass Remy so bad he’d combust.
Remy cringed and put a hand over his face. "How many times have you noticed?"
“Lost count,” he said as he examined his nearly finished cigar.
"S'pose you tink Remy a dog too, hunh?" he asks with a drop of venom.
“No. Just... human.” Logan grinned at Remy.
Remy snorted. Da's what y' get dese days f' likin' sex. Mon Dieu, why don' nobody see tings de way I do?
“What?” Logan’s grin widened. “Y' think just cause I'm a smelly old man I ain't sown my wild oats?”
"I--" I don' tink y' a smelly ol' man, Logan. I see why de femmes like y'. "I don' tink of y' dat way. Besides-- I'm sure you've gotten 'round."
“Good. So don't go suspectin' I'm one o' them Summers prudes.” He put out his cigar stub on his hand wincing a bit.
"You? A prude? Couldn' imagine it." I jus' wonder why everybody expects me to be one, Remy thought to himself getting a little down and quiet.
Logan shrugged, watching the wound heal. “Remy...” he said, sensing the nature of Remy’s thoughts, “The reason they look at you funny is you're a sensual guy trying to have a relationship with a woman you can't touch....”
"So people wouldn' look at me weird if I were devoid of any feelin' an' jus' put de moves on anythin' dat walk?” I don' tink dat's quite all de reason dey look at m’ funny, but I s'pose I'll never figure it out.
“If you're devoid of feeling...” he said and tried to not sound confrontational, “Then how do you feel it's all right to cheat on Rogue?”
Remy sighed and looked at the carpet in the room. "Remy just tink he got too much feelin', oui?"
“Whaddya mean?”
Remy tried to think of a way to explain what happened to him without sounding... stupid, or whiny. "Remy tink dat when a woman... dieu.... Remy can' help it!" he said in his defense. "Remy always like it when... people touch him." A lot, he thought. In fact more than he probably should, he liked it.
Logan licked his lips, crossing his arms over his chest because he was going to allow himself to be a little vulnerable. “Y'know... A while ago... I used to always go after the chicks I couldn't have. Didn't realize it at the time of course. Think I was tryin' to protect myself. It's hard to actually love someone y'know, when you're gonna heal up and she's just gonna lie there and bleed to death.... think that's why I liked Jeannie. She always loved Scott, so it was safe to love her... That make sense?”
"Jeannie was gon' bleed to deat'? Don' get it."
Logan shook his head. “Y' ever see someone grow old, Remy? It's ugly. And so slow you hardly realize it ‘til you look in a mirror and I still look like I'm 41 and she looks like the 72 she is... I don't like havin' to watch people I love die, Remy. And, shit!” he unraveled a little. “Unless she's as tough as me, she'll be dead before age gets her, anyway!” Logan grumbled and closed back up. “And now I'm ramblin' like Hank er somethin'.”
"Y' not ramblin wit as many long words," he smiled. "Remy suppose he jus' don' have de same problems you do." Remy paused. "Rogue... not touchin' Rogue was fine... until Remy could touch her-- den it was heaven... den heaven was taken away...." He couldn’t help but remember the moment that Rogue ripped him away from the gates of Heaven and that memory associated with her wasn’t the best, either.
Logan nodded, looking down at his hands. “'M sorry, Remy.... that's... that's rough,” he cleared his throat, not knowing what more to say.
Remy cleared his throat sharing the discomfort. "I understand what y' goin' through a little, Logan. 'M sorry dat y' can't be wit de people y' love forever."
Grunting, Logan nodded, popping his neck loudly. “Mind if I take a shower?” he asked as he stood up stretching.
"Help y'self," he gestured toward the bathroom on the opposite side of the apartment.
Logan started getting undressed before he was in the bathroom, his shirt long gone, kicking off his boots, undoing his fly.
Remy stared at him wide eyed, not about to interrupt a chance at getting to see Logan naked. Remy didn’t move, didn’t sip his drink, although he supposed he should have in order to present the illusion of being casual. He was not casual, however and his drink stayed nearly frozen in his hand.
Logan kicked out of his pants before going into the bathroom, Remy staring at the exposed ass as it headed toward the shower and then shut the door, but not hard enough so it latched. Logan started the water, very aware that the door was open a crack.
Logan's got a real nice body. Wonder why he did dat... Remy pondered as he listened to the running water and imagined a wet Logan.
Grumbling in a manner he would call 'singing', Logan noticed pleasantly that Remy had really nice smelly bath and shower stuff. He would never confess to liking bath and shower smellies, but... he did.
Remy listened to the deep throaty singing and smiled at the thought of Logan singing in the shower. Remy reminded himself to tease Logan about singing in the shower when he got out.
Logan started soaping up with Remy’s loofa and peach shower gel, and was one sudsy monster by the time he was finished. He plugged the bottom of the bath so it filled with soapy water.
Remy finished his drink and tried to wait patiently for Logan... then he noted that he too was a little ripe and could use a shower. He must have been offending Logan's nose the whole time they were there. I'll take a shower after Logan's out.
Logan hadn’t minded Remy’s stink at all, actually. He settled back into the bath. “Hey, Remy!” he called out into the living room as he goofed around. “Get in here and scrub my back! Wench!” Logan looked a bit more like a wolf playing in a pond than a man taking a bath.
"Wench??!!!" Remy thought he could hear the smile on Logan's face, but wasn’t at all sure about it. Removing his jacket and gloves, he walked into the bathroom and leaned against the door jam. "Wench? Now how y' gon' get a body t' do anythin' for y', Logan, if y' insult people ever where y' go?" Remy laughed at the site of Logan in the bath.
Logan grinned up at Remy with suds in his hair and all over himself. He scrubbed until he flushed pink. “Peach bathscrub, eh? Zat what gets y' all the ladies, cajun?”
Remy cleared his throat. "You ever smell peaches on me? Dat's for de ladies. I use dis stuff," he said pulling out a much more masculine looking bottle from a drawer in the sink.
Logan blinked at it a moment, then started laughing. “I'd stick with the peaches if I were you.” He continued, pointing at the bottle Remy held, “That stuff knocks my sniffer out for a week.” He had been seen to huff unpleasantly in Remy’s company before.
"Good," he retorted, and folded his arms across his chest. "Now what was dis commanding voice boomin' out earlier?"
Logan scowled at Remy. “Y'know, Remy.... Yer coverin' up yer own pheromones with that stuff,” he said not willing to let it drop, “which does you no favors on the scene,” he finished, winking. “Trust me.”
Remy's face became dark and he tucked the shower gel into his drawer. "Why would I wan' m' pheromones floatin' 'round'?" he asked with a tight voice. "Backscrubber's on de shower door," he said and turned around to leave.
Tempermental thing, ain't he, Logan thought to himself at Remy’s retreating back. “Hey, Gumbo... Was only kiddin’ you know....” Logan couldn’t help it; he turned into a pup in the bath sometimes.
"Whatever," he called back and went to make himself another drink.
Logan folded his arms on the tub ledge, watching Remy through the open door, unintentionally giving him fierce puppy eyes.
Remy ignored him, with his back turned, waiting for him to get out of his bath so he could take a shower. Like I'd wan' m' pharamones waftin' 'round-- got enough trouble as it is!
Logan grumbled, sinking lower in the tub. He grabbed the back scrubber and had a go of it, toes curling, grumbling happily at the sensations. Remy listened to Logan growling in the tub and peeked over to find him... smiling and purring with the back-scratcher. Remy smirked a little, but turned back away from Logan, waiting for him to come out.
Logan lounged happily for a little longer before draining the tub and shaking off like a happy dog. Remy threw a towel at him from the door and walked away before Logan could catch his eyes. He took it with out a word, starting to dry off, wrapped the towel around waist and walked out to get a change of clothes from his duffel bag. “It's all yers... Though y' do smell just fine.”
"Dat's a load o' crap if I ever hear any," Remy said as he picked up a change of casual clothes and went into the bathroom.
Logan grinned. “I ain' lyin,” he said as he pulled on jeans with nothing on underneath.
Remy stopped and turned on Logan with an angry glare. "Do y' smell pheromones on me now?" he asked sharper than he had spoken in a while.
Logan looked up from buttoning his shirt, narrowing his eyes at him. “Yeah. I do. You smell like Remy.” He muttered to himself, “Somethin' I ain' smelled in a while.”
"Well, I don' wanna smell like Remy," he said and turned around. Smellin' like Remy always make people act... funny. Remy closed the door behind himself and locked it.
Growling softly, Logan grumbled, “Stupid kid.” He buttoned his shirt up, tempted to just say ‘screw you’ and book it, but he sat on the couch a little bit to contemplate doing just that. Remy's shower was quick and he came back out smelling strongly of his usual soap and conditioner. Feeling a bit angry and closed up, Logan sat, arms crossed, feet on the coffee table, glaring at nothing in particular.
"Logan... I'm sorry. I jus' get touchy 'bout... stuff like dat." he said contritely. He was fully dressed in his jeans and shirt when he came out of the bathroom.
Logan tried to keep his nose from wrinkling up. “Yeah, I know...” His eyes almost started watering as he stood up. “Guess I should head out, then.” He couldn’t help it any more and let off a quick series of sneezes.
Remy smiled at that, barely holding in his laughter. "Sorry... it's jus' kinda necessary." Thinks quickly. "Logan... lemme make it up to y'?"
“What?” he asked in the middle of another sneeze. He couldn’t wait for that to wear off. “Make what up?” he asked as he picked up his duffle bag.
"I don' want y' t' leave mad... an' I owe y' a back rub, non?"
“No. You don't owe me anything. 'M fine. You gonna stay down here a while?”
"'Spose so..." but Remy'll jus' get into more trouble. Remy should jus' let Logan go. Don' wanna get into trouble wit' him too.
Logan took out bike keys, not being able to read Remy too well with that stink all over him. “You... gonna be all right?” If you asked me to stay, I would, he thought as he stared at Remy’s sad face. If you asked me to kiss you and hold you and love you and protect you forever, I'd do that, too.
Hunh. All right. What kinda question is dat? God, dis 'gift' is notin' but a blight! I wan' y' to stay, Logan... but it's better if y' don'. It's so complicated already... "Guess I'll--" see you 'round. C'mon, Le Beau, you can say it. Why would he stay? What could keep him there? If I needed him I'm sure he'd stay... but I don' need him, don' need anybody.
"Y'... know anythin' 'bout swords, Logan?" he asked out of the blue.
Logan blinked a little at the suddenness of the question and thought Remy looked like he needed a hug. “Uh... yeah? A little. Why?”
Remy didn’t know what he was trying to do as he asked about his old sword. "Was wonderin' if y' could help m' fix an’ old sword o’ mine, or tell me a good place to take it to get fixed. Broke it a long time ago when--" he stopped himself short. "'S a long story."
“Well... You'd... Y'd need a smithy...” he said carefully lowering his bag to the floor. “I don't know any in Louisiana....”
"We could go anywhere. I'd... take y' advice t' de ends of de eart', ami," he said quietly.
Logan snorted a little. “Well, I know a few masters in Japan that'd do good by y'... But other than that, I can't help y'...”
"Could y' take me dere?"
“Remy...” he shrugged a little. “Wouldn't it just be easier to get a new one?”
Remy smiled, "Can't get a new one," with a little mischief in his eyes. His expression was much like a smirk as he stared intently at Logan.
Thinking there was something weird going on with Remy, Logan cleared his throat. “We could mail it...”
Remy quirked an eyebrow at him. "Now where would de fun be in dat?"
“Remy...” he said, admitting only to himself that he was just kind of an up-front person. “You not wanna be alone or somethin?” Then he said softly, “I'll stay if you want me to.”
"Stay," Remy whispered back, knowing Logan could hear it as if he was standing right next to him.
Logan nodded, taking his duffle bag again. “I'll need to pick up a few things, then. I eat like a boar...” he said slinging his bag over one shoulder. “But you know that. Need anything?”
Remy nodded. "Shower gel dat don' smell like a girl."
Logan snorted. “Better'n smellin' like a chemical plant. You just wanna come along?”
Remy nodded and slipped some shoes on, grabbing his jacket on the way out the door.
“Gotta helmet? We're takin' the bike,” he explained as he pulled his jean jacket on over his flannels.
Remy sighed and went to the closet having to dig through a bunch of stuff to find it. "I never wear dis ting," he grumbled to himself. Once he had it, he gestured to Logan that they could leave.
“You'd better start,” or did you not hear that whole 'hating seeing people bleed' thing? “C'mon,” he said taking Remy downstairs to his bike.
Remy grumbled and wished again that he were as lucky as Logan to have kept his healing factor, but he didn't really want all of the other stuff that came with the healing factor. It was very unstable. Remy followed him down.
Slinging his leg over the bike, Logan started it up. “Get on. And hold on,” he advised. He got nervous with other people on the bike occasionally.
Remy sat on the back and scooted close to Logan. Dis'll be fun, he thought to himself as the vibrations of the bike rattled his balls nicely.
Unlike his usual self, Logan drove extra safely, for safety’s sake and to get on Remy’s nerves. “You'll have to give me directions...”
"Why didn' y' jus' let me drive den?" Remy complained into Logan's ear loudly. "Turn frigin' left at de light, mon dieu."
Logan couldn’t help chuckling at the younger man’s attitude. “This an old man bike, Remy! For us old geezers!”
"Like a young man can't ride a chopper," he smirked. Remy had a hog himself, that wasn’t too different.
Logan laughed. “It'd throw ya,” and turned as directed, then could see a market ahead.
"No faith! No faith at all!"
Logan chuckled, parking illegally and put the kickstand down. “All right, off, you clingy bastard.”
"Clingy?" Remy asked as he took his helmet off. "If you really wanted to go, Logan, y' shouldn'a offered to stay." He tried to keep his voice neutral.
“Did I say clingy? I meant hypersensitive and pissy!” he shouted as he grabbed Remy’s head, giving him a mean noogie. “LIGHTEN UP!! I'm just razzin ya!”
Remy let out a sigh that was audible even though he’d just been given a noogie and smiled at Logan, making sure not to keep his eyes for too long, then headed inside.
“All right, Gumbo, whatcha need?”
"Like I said, somethin' dat don' smell girly..." he walked to the shampoo isle and looked at the neutral gender stuff, then to the downright male stuff. He's looking for something cologne smelling.
Logan wrinkled his nose. “Here...” he said as he picked up a bottle and showed it to Remy. “No added fragrance.”
"Y kiddin'?" he asked as he looked at Logan.
“No. Gets ya clean, won't make you stink either.” He wiggled it at him as if that would make it more appealing.
"Y' want--" Y' wan' smell m' pharamones, Logan? Do dey smell dat nice? "Um... okay." He took the bottle from him and waited for Logan to get what he need.
“There. Good.” He said and went to get stuff a person would need if staying longer than expected, all of it aroma free except for some milk and honey bubble bath.
“Don't you say a damn thing, Cajun.”
B- bubble bath? Logan? Remy chuckled to himself as he noted the things Logan picked up. He didn't hide the chuckle well enough, apparently. He's more Japanese dan anybody suspected.
Logan raised an eyebrow at Remy, clearing his throat pointedly. “You gotta grill?
"An' burn de place down? Sorry, Logan. Not really a place for it. No balcony or nothin'."
Grumbling, he asked, “How'm I gonna make burgers with no grill?”
"Gas stove an' a cookie elevator?" he smirked. That would never work, but it was funny to suggest.
Logan blinked at him. “Cookie elevator? I don't even know what that is...”
"It's jus' a wire grid, ami. Helps cool down confections."
Logan laughed at him. “'Confections' eh? You'll have to teach me how to use it.” He went to get some steaks and hamburger meat.
Remy shook his head and snuck down another isle to grab a tiny grill, and was back to Logan in about two minutes. The other way would actually make a huge mess.
“What'd ya get?” he asked and peeked at the small box.
"Portable grills are made for it an ain' nearly as messy. Burgers will come out much better dis way,"
Grinning at Remy, Logan shook his head. “Remy, a man without a grill is only a boy.”
"Are you insultin' m' culinary skills, monsieur?"
“Nah, just your masculinity,” he grinned ferally.
Remy growled at him, showing his teeth, scowling deep. "You wanna find out how masculine I am?" he growled.
Logan responded to that on a primitive level, eyes dilating, watching Remy intently. It was not exactly not supermarket conduct.
"Ahem! Gentlemen? Are you ready?" an older lady asked, trying to be sweet, but was looking at them with a frown. Remy straightened up and smiled at the lady.
"Please excuse my small friend, here, madam. He's got a short temper." 'Mong oder tings, I'm sure.
Logan sort of shook out of it, but watched Remy very intently, ready to leap on him in a short second. His fingers crackled with anticipation. The clerk completed the transaction with Remy and Remy took the bags and went out the door casually, not waiting for Logan. He did wait at the bike though, already putting things in the saddle bags.
Logan was right behind him, huffing and sneezing occasionally, slowly coming to. He looked around. “Huh.”
Remy looked up at Logan from his position over the saddlebags. "You can insult m' masculinity again if y' got de guts," he stared at Logan intently, scowl still on his face.
Logan stepped right up to Remy and started smelling him all over, searching for something. He finally found it on Remy’s neck, right before he stood up and was too tall for Logan to reach. Remy looked at Logan, though he stayed bent over so they maintained their closeness. Pushing his nose against Remy, Logan snuffled up his neck behind his ear and just breathed in, deeply.
"L-Logan?" Remy asked tentatively.
Logan just grunted, leaning against Remy, letting off a soft growl. He wondered if it was a purr. “Y' missed a spot...”
Remy smirked. "Y'like it dat much?"
Logan grunted out, “Yeah...” grinning. “You actually smell like a man, right here....”
Remy leaned away from him and stared at his eyes. "Y' dis close t' insultin' me again... but I tink dat made up for y' earlier comment. Y' gon' let me drive dis ting dis time?"
Not wanting to let him get away, Logan leaned in when Remy leaned away; he was about to lick him, but he blinked when he was too far away. Logan paused for a moment, getting his thoughts back together. “NO!” he said forcefully as he pulled his keys out of his pockets and got on the bike. Not that Logan wouldn't like pressing up to his butt on a vibrating machine, but hey-- a man's bike was sacred.
Remy shook his head and mounted behind Logan, wrapping his arms around him. He remembered just in time to put on the helmet before he started the engine. Logan kicked up and took off, forgetting to pester Remy by going slow this time, and ended up doing his regular 20 over the speed limit for the few blocks they were away from Remy’s place. Remy shouted with enthusiasm as they sped away. Logan chuckled at hearing Remy, taking only a moment to get them safely back home. He parked the bike and turned off the engine letting Remy let go of Logan’s waist in his own good time.
He got a cigar out of his jacket pocket in the meantime, and went about lighting it up.
Remy let go and got his helmet off as quickly as possible, but dismounting was something he didn’t exactly rush. "Dat was fun," he smiled.
Logan snorted. “Think you'd never been on a bike before,” he said as he dismounted and carried the shopping bags, cigar chomped between his teeth. “Open the door.”
Remy bided his time in reaching the door and unlocking it, making sure to step aside and let Logan in first with a half bow.
“You're too kind,” he mumbled as he marched up the stairs to Remy’s apartment. “And a little less flair this time wouldn't go unappreciated.”
Remy couldn’t seem to keep the smirk off of his face as he followed Logan to his apartment door, this time entering as if Logan weren't there at all. Almost catching a door in the face, smushing the cigar a little, Logan dropped the bags on the couch. “If this is how you treat friends I'd hate to see how you treat enemies,” he said grinning, knowing how Remy treated his enemies.
Remy leered at him. "You wanna rumble, we best go to Westchester, non?"
Depends on what kind of rumbling you have in mind, Logan thought to himself raising in eyebrow at Remy. “You don't wanna rumble with me anywhere, kid.”
"Oh, come on, we used to have such fun! You remember all dose times I let'cha win." Remy was obviously having fun teasing him and being teased.
Grinning a little ferally, he challenged, “Let? I remember the times I 'let' you live.”
Remy outright laughed at that one. He stared at Logan’s angry face, hoping that it was a gruff façade and that he really saw the laughter in his eyes that he thought he did. Logan was in a playful mood. He carefully put his cigar out in Remy’s ash tray, then before he could blink, leapt on Remy and tackled him to the ground behind the sofa.
"Ahh!!" escaped Remy's mouth as he was blown over the couch and crushed beneath the massive weight of Wolverine. He tired to breathe and found that the wind had probably been knocked out of him, but he'd be all right. He'd had worse falls, and he wasn’t about to let Logan get away with that. Grabbing Logan’s hair, he pulled his head back, wrapped a leg around Logan's from under him and pushed on the opposite shoulder to roll Logan off him. He was debating punching the man, but decided to make it a wrestling match instead of a blows match, which he wasn't really in the mood for.
Logan let him get away this time, rolling again to get his feet under him and launched himself at Remy, smushing him flat against the hardwood floors. “Nice try.”
Remy grunted and admitted that he was in a spot as the hold Logan had was much better that time. Nothin t' do, but-- dis! Remy leaned up to Logan and delivered a kiss, using the momentary shock to heave Logan off him, sending him rolling across the floor. Remy was glad that he had little in this place he was concerned about.
Logan hit the far wall with a thud, blinking up at Remy a little bit, wondering if they were still playing or if something had gone serious. Sort of stupid sounding, he said, “I hope you don't do that when the Brotherhood's pinned ya...”
Remy snorted from across the room and laughed quietly to himself. "Only if it's a femme."
“What'd you just call me?” he mock challenged, knowing Remy didn't, but certainly not caring to be snorted at. He was back at Remy in a flash, kicking his knees out from under him and wrenching an arm behind his back.
"I was tryin' t' imply ambiguity ‘bout yer masculinity, not call y' a girl. Y' ain' pretty enough."
Logan wasn’t going to let him up, twisting his arm harder. “You just say I ain't pretty?” he sounded very mock offended.
Howling at the treatment of his arm, Remy tried to wiggle out of it, only to have it squeezed on harder. "Okay, okay—I'd do y' any day o' de week," he grinned, trying to hold in a giggle, only because of how true it was and baiting Logan, making a joke out of it, so it could be denied with no feelings hurt.
Leaning down Logan snuffled on that fine spot right behind his ear that he had found earlier and growled. “Yer damn right y' would.”
Remy’s breath caught in his throat. Dat sounds like an acceptance of an offer t' me, he thought and leaned into Logan's touch.
Logan really liked having Remy like this and breathed deeply for a while before doing what he wanted to do in the parking lot-- lick Remy right behind that ear. Remy started, practically in Logan's lap and pressed full on into him. His heart was beating very fast and loud. Logan could definitely hear it and Remy was nervous about that.
Logan could feel his heartbeat accelerate, but couldn’t smell whether it was from fear or arousal and the doubt sent him into panic. “Sorry,” he said rushed, getting off him just as fast as he got on. “Sorry... It's just a... it's a...” wolverine thing, “... a thing... with me.”
Remy blinked at him, wanting him to explain why he got him all riled up and then backed off. His look was perplexed. "You... uncomfortable?" His voice almost quivered.
Logan misread him again. “Remy, for the lova’ God, I just licked you! You were there!” He felt like an idiot; he usually kept such primal instincts under control. He might as well have fucked the boy through the floor.
"I see. You didn't want to lick me," he said in a huff, pouting as his arms crossed in front of him. "Dat makes a lot of sense, Logan. I didn't tink y’ usually did tings y' didn' wanna do."
Logan was very still, watching Remy carefully. “Do you... mind... that I licked you?” ‘Cause I really liked it, he finished to himself.
"Of course not!" he shouted exasperated. "I liked it!"
Blinking at him again, he carefully approached and knelt down on the floor with him. There was a long pause. “Can I do it again?” Remy nodded. He leaned in to that spot again where there wasn’t any cologne, running the flat of his tongue over it and up the ear a little bit, his chest pressing into Remy’s. Remy moaned out softly and tried to muffle it, but wasn’t very successful. Kissing down to his jaw slowly, Logan bit gently on the nape of Remy’s neck. He knew, knew he shouldn't be doing this, but it was more instinctive than anything else.
Remy pressed against him and then broke away to kiss him. He wasn’t very gentle about it as he couldn’t help his need. He was getting hard and pressed his erection against Logan’s stomach.
Logan growled, crawling on top of Remy, careful to not crush him under all that metal and pushed a hand up under his shirt, then felt a pang of guilt despite his growing hard-on. “Whoa. Wait.” He got up off Remy and sat up against the back of the couch, breathing hard. “This wasn't why you wanted me to stay was it?” he asked eyeing him with those coal-blue eyes.
"N- not completely..." he trembled out. "I never really done anythin' like dis before... but I—" I like it so much already.... please stay, Logan.
Logan’s eyes narrowed at the statement. “You've been with men before, kid; I've smelled it on ya.” He really, really wanted to jump him, but had just enough restraint.
"Not with... someone I know-- someone I..." trust. "Respect," he finally blurted out in its stead.
Logan watched his response with those steely blue eyes, jaw flexing. “You care for me more than Rogue, Cajun?”
Remy's mouth opened and closed trying to get something to come out. He didn't know! He wasn't sure how to describe or quantify how he felt. Could feelings be quantified?
Logan deflated. “Right.” He stood up. He was a man and could pretend this whole thing never happened. He started unpacking the grocery bags.
"Logan... I don' understan' what's goin' on in m' head. I'm sorry," he muttered quietly, hoping that Logan could hear him, but was quiet enough that Logan could pretend he didn't hear him.
Shaking his head, knowing exactly what Remy was thinking, he muttered, “Right.” He moved off into the bathroom to put that stuff in there, digging around in his closet. “You got extra blankets and pillows and things in here?”
"Non, you jus' take de bed. I sleep on de couch. Least I can do f' m' guest," he smiled sadly and got up from the floor. Back to square one.
“Don't do me any favors, Cajun.” He said a bit hurt, actually, getting a pillow and an old wool blanket, throws them on the sofa.
"Logan... can you... understand... dat I don' know what I'm doin'?" he asked truly curious and very open about the question. It kind of came out of nowhere, but he thought Logan would know what he was talking about.
Grunting, he didn’t really want to talk about it. “Yeah,” he said finally, thinking of taking off his jeans, but not wanting to be naked in front of Remy; he wasn’t wearing underwear. He went into the bathroom and came out wearing nothing but boxers. He grabbed a beer and plopped in front of the TV.
Remy nodded and supposed that was all he was going to get out of the man and plopped down next to him in front of the TV, content to watch whatever Logan wanted to. He sat far enough away on the couch that he wasn’t in Logan's space.
In order to refrain from overly fidgeting, Logan leaned over and picked up his cigar stub, rummaging around in pants for a box of matches, chewing on the end, grumbling in strange wolf-language to himself. Remy reached over and flared a little charge of energy, inviting Logan to use it.
Logan started at that, but leaned over to light up. “That's a neat trick. Just learn it?” he asked amused by lighting his cigar from Remy’s fingers.
Remy smiled slightly to himself. "Non, known dat one fo' a while. Don' ususally come up dat I get to use it f' oders. Eider in de mansion or not wantin' t' advertise dat I'm a mutant, n'est pas?"
Nodding, he took a long drag, really loving the smoke. He could feel his lungs heal up right after the damage was done. He stretched his legs out on the coffee table, very alpha male-like. “Cajun TV is shit.”
Remy grabbed the remote and asked, "What y' wanna see?"
Porn, was the first thought that popped into his mind, but he decided to ignore that thought. “Dunno. Got any hockey?” he asked peeking at Remy while he wasn’t looking, just because he was so damn good looking.
Remy smiled at the request and thought for a second. "Wrong place for hockey, but I'll see what I can't find on de doezen sports channels out dere...." He flipped through and found one that was going on in Canada. "Dere we go. Mid game, but at least it's interresting'." Remy tried to watch the players themselves and tried not to think about the ice.
Logan tilted his head a little. “You must pay an arm and a leg for this cable service, Remy, if yer gettin' Canadian college games.”
Comes in handy when insomnia won' leave y' alone fer a week. "It's wort' it."
“Yeah? Some really steamy adult channels on here or what?”
Didn't tink you wanted to talk 'bout dat. "De service is complete," he smiled covering up his discomfort with a light tone.
Shrugging, he commented, “Good deal.” He took a sip of beer. “You got any plans for the stay? Or you just layin' low ‘til this whole thing blows over?”
"Layin' low fer de most part." Remy thought silently for a moment. "Logan... I know I didn' call you... but tanks fer comin' anyway."
Logan smirked at him. “Next time you need help, Le Beau.... Call someone else.” He was really freaking fond of the kid, though, and wondered if he could tell.
Remy nodded after a moment. Just like Fontinelli. Ask someone else-- don't ask me for help. Courier-- stay away from me, Le Beau. He ended up pushing everyone that he'd ever worked with away. It was pretty lonely and he suddenly wondered why Logan was around... if he didn't want to stay.
Logan scowled, looking over at Remy. “Oh, for Chrissakes, I didn't mean it! Swear to God, Le Beau you're worse than a dame, c'mere!” he shouted and got him in what he assumed was a hug but was actually a bit more like a headlock.
Remy trembled in Logan's arms and latched onto him just as hard. Why is dis so confusin'? He's so cold one second, den warm de next... "Logan..." he whispered, breathing in deeply against his chest.
He finally relaxed and let his arm slump down Remy’s back. “Yeah?” Remy kept his head there, and snuggled up to him, not saying another word. He was a little ball that nestled against Logan. Logan just grunted, then. His left arm draped over Remy and folded his feet together, watching the game. He snickered occasionally at the little college players. “Betcha they'll come to the states and be earning 30 mil a year...”
Remy started at Logan’s voice and looked at the screen. "Hm?" he asked. He was nearly asleep.
Looking down he asked, “Y' sleepin?” He grinned wolfishly. “I need to go tuck y' in ta bed?”
"Non, y' a good pillow. It was jus' a long day, oui?"
“Good pillow?” He smiled fondly and very shyly started stroking his hair because... Remy’d make a good pet.
Remy relaxed again and enjoyed the stroking of his hair and his breathing evened out again. Several minutes later he started to rumble in his throat like a purr. Logan looked down at him and tried to determine if he was asleep. The breathing said he was, but the purring said he wasn’t. He gently stroked his cheek and neck while smoothing his hair.
Feeling kind of floaty as consciousness wavered and faded in and out, he felt more relaxed than he had been in the longest time. Even sleeping he didn’t get this relaxed because he knew he'd have to wake up suddenly to any threat.
Logan watched TV for another good hour before stealing the remote from Remy’s sleeping hand and turning it off. “C'mere...” he said, gently lifting him in his arms, cradling his head against his neck, and easily carrying him to Remy’s bedroom.
"Hmmmm," Remy mumbled into Logan’s chest and felt like he was really floating this time. Still comfortable, he felt Logan’s warmth and readjusted to get more comfortable in the changed position.
Logan carefully lowered Remy onto the bed. He took off his shoes and arranged the messy sheets over him and actually tucked him in. “Night, gumbo.” He leaned over and kissed his temple. Logan gave him another soft kiss, this time on the cheek and ambled back to the sofa, trying to resist the urge to masturbate. He tried to watch TV, but couldn’t and so turned it off, trying to sleep. Thrashing for a good 15 minutes, he finally pushed a hand down the front of his pants and starting to stroke.
Remy moaned in his unconscious state and tossed in bed.
Giving a soft growl, he lifted his hips into his hand, getting quite hard thinking about what Remy's thighs would taste like.
Remy started to feel warm and tingly in his dreams. Were he awake he would have recognized the feeling well, but as he was unconscious his dreams simply took on a different timbre.
Logan’s breathing picked up as he began to stroke harder, imagining Remy's smell without all that crap on him and without any clothes as well. Remy's dreams were fuelled by Logan in the other room and he moved in his sleep, writhing to the intangible feelings floating through the room. Logan imagined licking him all over and rubbing his own scent on him, claiming him entirely. Biting property marks across his neck and shoulders, he finally pushed into him from behind, in his fantasy.
"Ah!" Remy started awake at an intense feeling and regained his faculties as he reoriented himself in the quiet room. He put his hand up to his brow and felt the sweat there and also the hard-on that he had. He didn’t remember the dream, but he remembered the theme and tried to cover up that anything happened and force his... defiant manhood down so Logan wouldn’t be offended.
Grunting and snarling softly in the next room, Logan lifted his hips into his hands that were fondling his balls now, too, just trying to get there so he could get to sleep, but not censoring his thoughts of Remy. “Kid....”
Remy heard Logan's voice from the other room and listened quietly to the grunts... of pleasure, he realized. His heart was skipping faster through his blood. He listened intently.
“Mine…” he mumbled, huffing, trying to stay quiet. He wouldn't have woken Remy if his dream hadn't done it, but he wasn’t really aware that Remy was awake in the next room. He stroked fast and hard. “Mine... C... C....”
Remy was afraid that his own heartbeat was going to betray that he was awake to Logan, but he was very turned on and couldn’t help but wonder what Logan was thinking about that was making him that hot. Remy only had a vague sense of how turned on Logan was, but it was there.
Logan practically snarled out, “Kid... Mine....” Whispering, muffled into the pillow, he growled steadily as he got close, coming in his hand, gnashing his teeth together to keep from roaring. He flopped against the sofa in a satiated pile of sweaty flesh. He muttered, whispering really, “God, Remy....” It was only a thief’s trained ear that allowed Remy to hear the quiet whisper from the next room.
Remy's heart stopped for what seemed like an entire minute as he sat in shocked contemplation of what Logan had just said. Why was he acting so... Remy knew why. Logan wanted Remy just as much as Remy wanted Logan-- just as much as any of his other lovers had wanted him. A tear threatened to drop down Remy's face, but he blinked it back and chided himself for wanting Logan in the first place. Logan doesn' wan me t' wan' him. He doesn' wan' t' complicate tings. Not like I can blame de man. I should really figure out what de heck it is I feel. But... how do I do dat?
Logan groaned softly, tidying himself up and flopped around to get comfortable. “Stupid Canucklehead....” he grumbled to sleep.
Remy wanted to go out and talk to Logan, but didn’t want him to know what he heard, so figured he'd let it wait until tomorrow morning. He tried to go back to sleep, but couldn’t and stayed up self examining all night until finally hours later he drifted off thinking about Logan.
The sun had come up about an hour ago and Logan was up early, making eggs and bacon. Remy woke to the smell of breakfast and hauled himself out of bed feeling like he got zero sleep, although he may have gotten a few hours. He needed coffee and badly.
Anticipating Remy’s needs and attending to his own, Logan was making a pot and had two steaming plates full of breakfast. He growled to himself in what some might have recognized as a tune.
In the doorway Remy paused thinking Logan might be trying to pass as cheerful and scratched his head at that. "It's too early in de mornin' t' be singin', ami." Remy looked out the window to see the sun low in the sky and squinted at the glare. "It's practically de butt-crack o' dawn, what're y' doin' up?"
Logan looked around. “It's seven o'clock, Remy.” Logan never did need much sleep. “Did I wake you?”
"Must not o' gotten to sleep 'til 'roun' four-- good Lord," he said as he sat at the small table in the breakfast area.
Furrowing his brow at Remy, he put a plate in front of him. “Four? You were asleep when I put you ta bed around midnight.”
He glanced up at Logan and turned his head away. Clearing his throat unsteadily, he said, "T'ief's instincts t' wake up a bunch o' times durin' de night. Paranoia runs in de family, I guess."
Logan didn’t believe him in the least. “Did you have a nightmare?” he asked sitting next to him, digging into his plate.
"Y' could say dat," he said gravely and kept looking out the window even though it hurt his eyes. It was better than looking at Logan's expression. "I wanted t' ask y' somethin', Logan," he said casually, although there was a not completely hidden weight to his words.
In response, Logan slowed from inhaling his food and looked up at him. He rubbed his mouth on back of his hand, eyeing Remy. “Yeah?”
"How d' you meditate?"
Once he found that the question wasn’t heavy he dug back in. “S'not easy. Takes a lot of practice.”
"I know... I jus don' know how t' go 'bout startin'. Figured you might have some advice." Remy picked at his food.
Raising his eyebrows at Remy, he said, “Eat, Remy.” He picked at something in his teeth for a moment. “I can tell you what I know, it just takes a lot of practice.”
Remy favored the coffee over the food, and finally got up for hot sauce and brought it over to drench his eggs in. "I'd 'preciate it."
Nodding, Logan said, “Sure thing, kid.”
Remy seemed to get more of an appetite, and the hot sauce sure was a help. He was quiet for the most part, hoping that Logan didn’t smell on him his fear or his desires. Despite Remy’s attempts to control himself Logan could smell that he was anxious about something. “Something on your mind?”
"Jus' wanna learn how t' meditate is all. Never done it b'fore."
“S' gonna be hard to meditate with you havin' the jitters over somethin' that bad... nightmare still got holda ya?”
"Guess m' mind is a bit... cluttered. Been tinkin' a lot lately," he said looking at his plate with a far away stare. Then he looked up at Logan and smiled playfully, "Don' wanna hurt m'self."
Logan eyed Remy carefully. “How would you hurt yourself?”
Remy’s smile became brighter, "Tinkin' too much, o' course."
Slightly annoyed, Logan leaned over and pinched his cheek. “I don't think you're in danger of that.” He winked at Remy and clicked his teeth.
Remy smiled wanly and touched the place on his cheek that Logan pinched. "Jus' playin'."
Grinning broadly, Logan said, “More food, less coffee,” and took his plate to the kitchen.
"Man cannot live on food alone-- he must have coffee!"
“Man cannot live on coffee alone, he must have food! “ He corrected. “And you're getting’ skinny.”
At that comment Remy looked away from Logan, ceasing to be playful. "It's been a real long time... jus' can' seem t' keep meat on m' bones. Should start eatin' candy or somethin'."
“Candy wouldn't help. You need protein and iron and fats.”
"You de boss, Boss."
Logan snorted at Remy and went to rummage through his duffle bag for something to wear, smelling things to check if they were too rank.
"So... got any plans for de day?" Remy asked as he finished up his food.
A shrug was Logan’s response. “Teaching you how to chill out.”
"Not too much I hope." I don' much like de cold, me.
Logan swallowed at that comment. “You still freak out in the cold?”
"Not 's much as I used to. Still boders me."
Nodding, Logan pulled on a pair of jeans. “You got any plans?”
"Jus' hangin' 'round."
“Well, then, come sit here....” he directed, sitting on the floor in front of the sofa.
Remy got up and put his dish in the sink before sitting across from Logan. He sat in a cross legged position.
Logan grinned, thinking he was so goddamn cute. “No, sit next to me....” he said patting the floor. Remy scooted over to sit beside Logan and made sure to not be touching him as he sat.
Subtly, Logan shifted so his knee touched Remy’s thigh because he just needed to touch sometimes. “All right... Now… Don't believe that old sit up and hold your fingers like teacups bullshit. Just get comfy,” he instructed and did just that, although he was taught in the old school way. Remy relaxed and ended up with hands in his lap, head bowed slightly forward. He tried to breathe evenly knowing that was at least part of what he was supposed to do.
Out of the corner of Logan’s eye, he looked at Remy, thinking it cute that he thought he knew what he was doing. “There are... a few ways to do this, you know... You just have to do what works for you.”
Remy nodded, then made an affirmative sound and waited for further instruction. He hoped that this could calm his uncontrollable hormones as he hadn’t yet found a way of keeping himself from doing stupid things.
Clearing his throat, Logan shifted. “Now.... The whole point of meditation is to keep your mind clear of all thoughts... because thoughts...” he said lifting his hands to illustrate, “are like cages.... We... judge and censor with thoughts... So when you meditate you're just letting yourself be, just as you are, without any interference from your ... y'know... brain. For example...” he said as he tried to be casual, “Right now, you're panicking and nervous and there's nothing immediate, really for you to be nervous about.... So... Right now, instead of just letting yourself be... you're thinking there's something wrong with you. And it's the thought that there's something wrong with you that you need to get rid of... You don’t need to be asking… ‘what's wrong with you...’ Make any sense?” Logan wondered how he could put it a little more simply.
Remy nodded although he was confused at the prospect of this helping him to control himself. From what it sounded like, it would just let him run loose and out of control like he always was. He listened to Logan’s words further and then nodded again.
Logan eyed Remy. “You don't look like that made sense to you.”
“Non, it makes sense. Jus' sounds hard, is all. I never really wanted t' keep m'self from... bein' wit people... but de world wants me to be wit' jus' one person... but everybody's so... good. I am scared, Logan. How can I not be scared when people I care about are gon' leave me if I... can't control m' urges...?"
Logan sighed. “You have no idea....” He thought about that for a second. “Well... Y' know why I meditate, Remy? Cause it reminds me a who I am. You know, you be in the X-Men like us -- Y' wear masks, have codenames, get called a freak and a menace daily, it kinda makes you forget just who you are, y'know? And then the every day things... dealing with people tellin' you yer wrong all the time; that you're backwards and twisted... With alla’ these different opinions of who you should be, it's hard to remember really who you are...” he reviewed what he said. “That's why I meditate. It reminds me that I'm... You know. I just... I am.”
Remy's gut twisted and he felt nauseous. Why can't I jus' be me, den? Why do I have to conform when you don'? Remy's eyes were closed as he thought this and his face betrayed that he was thinking-- and deeply.
“Hey....” Logan reached over and tilted Remy’s face toward him. “What are you thinkin'?”
Remy's mouth moved like he wanted to say something, but it just wasn’t coming out. His mouth wasn’t even opening. He averted his eyes from Logan and closed them, although, he didn’t move his face out of his fingers. "Sorry," he said gravely with a deep frown. "Was thinkin'."
Logan gently stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. “Hey. Tell me.” He really wanted to touch his lips but knew that was a no-no at this point.
"Jus'... tinkin' 'bout m' place in de world. 'Bout... conformity." His eyes were still closed.
“Yeah?” Since Remy’s eyes were still closed, Logan took that as a sign it was all right to keep stroking his cheek. “What about it?”
"I don' wanna conform...." he said and his voice cracked. A knot developed in his throat as he tried to speak, but the emotions welled up in him again.
“Nobody does, kiddo....” he said leaning toward him. “Just ‘cause someone wants you to be someone else... Don' mean you have to listen to ‘em...”
"Even you?" he asked, and fear struck his heart sharply as soon as the words left his mouth.
“Me?” he asked surprised, but his voice still a soft, comforting rumble his hand still against Remy’s cheek. “Whaddya mean?”
His eyes opened and they were glowing even amidst the morning light. "Y'... like everybody else..." He tried to read Logan’s face. "Why can't I be m'self?"
Logan searched Remy’s expression and didn’t get it. “You can, Remy... Whaddya mean I'm like everyone else?”
He figured if he said one word he'd get his message across. He also figured that Logan would storm out of his life and ignore him for the rest of it. His face was full of fear and he bet that Logan could smell whatever fear smelled like on him pretty strongly, but went ahead with it anyway. Looking him in the eye, he said finally, "Monogamy."
Swallowing, Logan pulled his hand away. “Well....” he said looking away from him. “Just because we want it doesn't mean you have to give it, Remy.”
"But dat means...." no one I love... will ever love me....
Softly, because he still couldn’t look at Remy, he said, “Means what, Remy?” He wondered how Remy deduced that Logan wanted him entirely.
"Means.... no one can love me back...?" he sounded broken when he said this to Logan and felt the world crashing down around him.
Staring at the floor between his legs, Logan didn’t know what to say to that. “Most people I know... don't like gettin' their hearts broke. For a lot of us that means maybe avoiding a partner who isn't loyal....” He got all bristly just thinking of being cheated on. “But you'll find someone out there like you, Remy... Who likes ta screw around....” He didn’t see the point of having a committed relationship if you were going to screw anyone else, but wasn’t really judgmental about it.
"So it's jus' me den? I'm de only person in de world who tink dis way?"
“No,” he said sternly catching his eye for a moment. Then he looked away. “No, you're not. But... Y' ever considered maybe... havin' a relationship with someone you can actually touch? Y' think maybe... that might satisfy you enough?”
Remy looked at Logan and considers what he said. "When I was wit' Rogue... an' we could touch... I was really happy. Maybe... dat would help... satisfy me," he quirked a small smile to himself. Physically, emotionally… empathically… he thought.
Logan looked away really fast. “Oh... But I guess... You only want one a them relationships with Rogue....”
"If I can't touch Rogue... she not 'xactly eligible f' de position." Remy stared at Logan, trying to read his reaction. Please say y' wan' Remy....
Nodding, Logan realized that he wanted Remy bad and he looked at his fingers. “But you don't love anyone more'n you love Rogue.”
"Logan, I don' know de meanin' o' quantifyin' feelin's," he said seriously.
Nodding again, he still couldn’t look at him. His heart was beating pretty quickly, more than a little nervous, but he wouldn't show it. He was just very still and a little tense. “Mm.” He really wanted to know how Remy felt, but was too chickenshit to ask.
"Why y' so nervous, Logan?" Remy asked as he leaned into his body space. They could touch on accident with how close he was.
Logan swallowed hard. “Cause we're talkin about things I ain't exactly comfortable with.”
His breath passed along Logan’s skin as he spoke. "Certainly don' wanna make y' uncomfortable. Why y' uncomfortable, Logan?" he asked in a purr.
Going a little stiff, thinking Remy was trying to seduce him, he got up and moved away. “Y' know why, dammit!”
Remy tilted his head to the side and looked up at Logan as if unaware of the answer. "Enlighten me," he invited.
Logan got the notion he was being played with. “Fuck off, Cajun.” He rummaged around in his duffel bag for a shirt, suddenly wanting out of here really bad, like a caged animal.
"Just tell me what's wrong," he asked. "Logan," he said and marched over to him. He leaned in and whispered, "I heard you last night."
Logan blinked, did he have a nightmare? “Huh?”
"I heard you... just after midnight." Remy looked over Logan's face watching for signs of recognition.
The hard swallow was recognition and he pressed Remy up against a wall. “What the hell you doin' spyin’ on me!?”
"I wasn't spying on you, Logan! I woke up to de sound of your voice," he replied on the verge of being angry.
Really fucking embarrassed, Logan flushed dark red. “So y' heard me gettin' off, so bloody what!” Logan didn’t recall if he said Remy’s name or not. “It ain't like you don't do it from time t time!” He wondered if Remy actually did; he got laid so much he may not need his hand.
"I haven' called out y' name yet," he said with a smile. He leaned his head closer to Logan and wanted to kiss him badly. "But I been thinkin' 'bout it... 'bout you." Their bodies were pretty close and Remy ached to press up against him.
Feeling torn in half, Logan swallowed again. He wanted to knock the man upside the head, take him back to the cave and mate, but knew he would just get heartbroken. He snarled, “Don't toy with me, Remy. I don't play nice.”
"Toy? Play? You act like dis is a game, monsieur." Remy looked at Logan intensely. "Dis is far from a game."
Snapping, Logan bared his teeth, “I know you, Remy! You're fulla shit! There's no chance in hell I'm gettin' inta bed with you when I know you'll be half way to Prague before I even fall asleep! Sorry, kid, yer gonna have ta get yer jollies elsewhere!” He grabbed his denim jacket, slung it on and started looking for his keys, knowing he had better book it before the claws come out.
Remy hid the keys quietly, in his pocket.
After Logan had looked every place they could be, he muttered, “The fuck are my keys, Cajun?”
"How should I know?" he said and walked over to the couch. He sat down and smelled where Logan slept last night... and thought he could perceive a faint trace of the sex he left behind.
Logan knew Remy too well and saw his nonchalance for what it truly was, then extended his hand. “Hand ‘em over, Gumbo.”
Remy ignored Logan’s request for a moment. "I tink you want to tink dis is a game-- to me, to you. Probably has somethin' t' do wit' what I said. So lemme ask—what do I gotta say to make you believe dat I'm sincere?"
Logan wasn’t prepared to get into this with Remy. His blue eyes drilled into Remy and he didn’t move a single muscle but ejected his claws on his extended hand their full length. He figured the message was pretty clear without having to say it.
"Y' tink y' can find y' keys wit dose? Kotaite, Logan! Answer me!" [Kotaite—answer, ‘me’ is implied.]
His nostrils flared in annoyance and didn’t retract his claws. “There's nothin’ you can say to make me think y'ain' just on another one a yer joyrides. Now gimme my keys before I shake um off ya’.”
"Okay, den." Remy produced Logan’s keys from behind his back then took them over to him, leaned down and pecked him on the lips before handing the keys to him. "Saiyonara, Logan." [Saiyonara—a permanent form of goodbye, in Japanese.]
Logan went stiff as a board, slowly packing his remaining stuff up. He moved rigidly to the door and opened it. “I'da loved you forever, y'know, Remy.” Quietly, he shut door before the building tears fell. He wasn't planning on leaving for good until Remy gave the final goodbye like that. He was just going to blow off steam, but he was leaving now, thudding down the stairs, letting his full weight hit each step.
"If what?" Remy asked as the door closed.
He muttered a reply down the stairs, though there was no possible way Remy could hear it. “If you'da loved me back.”
Remy punched the door loudly after Logan didn’t reply.
********