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Part 35
Waiting for the phone to pick up, Remy thought that it hadn't been that long since his last call to Nathaniel’s place. He hoped they were still up.
Lifting the telephone, in the lab now, Nathaniel was starting to grow a new womb... just in case the first one didn’t work. “Remy.”
"Hey, Nathaniel. I got time..." he offered.
“You wish to come now?”
"Yeah... if dat's okay," he said. He figured some time away from Logan would give him the opportunity to heal like he wanted to.
“The three of you are free for a week?”
"Th-three... of us? What 'three of us;' it's just me."
Leaning back, a little startled, Nathaniel asked, “Creed and Logan aren't coming?”
"Non, dey have stuff ta do here."
“Remy.... This is.... This is extensive and difficult surgery, you should have someone here.” And it was just the sort of thing his lover and the father of his baby should be there for!
"I've got Mark," he smiled. "An’... an' you...." He swallowed. "I mean, I'll be okay, Nathaniel. I'm a big boy." Didn' have anybody dere for me de last surgery y' preformed an' I was jus' fine, he grumbled to himself.
Scoffing slightly, Nathaniel said, “That's not the point, Remy..... Is Logan there? May I speak to him?”
"Logan's not here. He went off wid Creed t' Canada. Dat's why I was gonna go now..."
Frowning a little, Nathaniel sighed. “Well, alright, then... Shall I pick you up first thing in the morning?”
"Yeah," he said. He would have to hide out until then. "See ya den," he said amiably.
“Very well, don't eat until then! Goodnight...” and he hung up.
Looking at the phone, Remy held it away from his ear. "Don' eat...?" Shrugging, Remy went up to his room to pack a few things.
Finally slipping off the bench, Logan retrieved his thrown tools and started working on the engine again. Dropping them again, after he got the engine to a good stopping point, Logan was covered in engine grease, and he started making his way to the house... but he caught a very stale scent of Remy... and carefully tracked him through the mansion.
Getting yelled at a couple of times to not touch anything while he was all disgusting and greasy Logan found Remy in his room. Laying on his bed, thinking of names, Remy smiled to himself. His mood was a bit down, but he was still happy about the prospect of having children. Logan knocked on his door gently.
Feeling Logan beyond the door, Remy wondered if he should open it or not. Sighing, he got up and answered it. "Hey, cher," he said smiling softly.
Wiping his hands on a rag, Logan leaned against the door frame. “You wanna be alone?”
Remy nodded. "For a week," he said quietly.
Thinking it would've been nicer if he had just staked him through the heart with a dull, craggy, rusted piece of metal, Logan asked, “........ What'd I do?”
"Nothin', Logan. Was gonna go an'... give y' some time t'... heal, I guess."
“Heal? From what?”
"From... what Mark did…." He didn't know how he was going to act around Mark when he was down there in Antarctica, but he would manage to not rock the boat too much.
“Remy, I'd heal better if you were here...” That was where most of the damage was done, anyway: to their relationship. At least, the damage he cared most about.
"I also... have somethin' ta do... in Antarctica...."
Pushing his way into Remy’s room, Logan shut the door behind him hard. “What's goin' on, Remy? You seein’ somebody? You seein' Essex again?” Logan’s mind was racing, and he wondered if Mark raped him to get back at Remy for continuing to sleep with Sinister.
"Seein'—No!" Remy roared and turned from Logan swiftly to hide the tears that jumped to his eyes. Hurt swam across the link he shared with Logan and he was also able to feel the sting of Logan's emotions.
“Then what am I supposed ta think, Remy? Huh? Ya don't love me anymore? Is it Creed?” Flexing his fists, Logan was hurting pretty badly. “I told ya you don't gotta stay if you don't want to Remy; you can leave whenever ya want, no questions asked, I toldja that….” Slowly, he started to go emotionally numb.
The numbness crept oddly across the link and Remy turned and went over to Logan and sat him down on his bed. "Logan... I love you. I don' wanna leave... but dere's somethin' I have t' do. When I get back I won' have t' leave for a while, so jus'... bear wid me?" he asked.
Unable to look at him, Logan just stared straight ahead, and was silent for a little while. “Yeah, Remy.” Why can't you tell me? Hugging him close, Remy kissed his hair and sighed heavily. He felt a little better, but he was still nervous.
Feeling pretty empty inside, Logan said, “So you... You wanna be alone t'night?”
"Oui," he said quietly. He wasn't really in the mood to have Logan feeling guilty next to him. He needed some time to himself. He really wanted to clamp the link shut, but there was little he could do about that.
Nodding, Logan didn’t know if that nervous feeling was Remy or himself, but he didn’t like it. Standing up, he said, “All right,” and went right out the door.
Curling up on his bed, Remy thought that was probably a bad idea to leave him alone, but he really did feel hurt from the way Logan had refused him earlier. Now it was like everything was supposed to be better all of a sudden? He sighed and tried to concentrate on something else before willing himself to go to sleep for the evening.
Going back into the house, Logan didn’t look for Theron and, just marched up to the bedroom. Theron had actually ripped a hole through the floor boards by the time Logan walked past him and he figured he was still in the dog house so he was going to be sleeping on the couch. Great. He didn't get it! Why did Logan feel it was only him that had been kidnapped by Weapon X? He growled to himself and figured that they had better keep their distance tonight and see if things hadn't blown over by tomorrow....
Stopping for a second at the door, Logan definitely heard that scratching sound and he didn’t hear Theron’s footsteps.... He went back to the living room and saw him there on the floor. “Holy shit, Theron, what'd you do??”
Theron thought he was going to get to China by the end of the night, but he had only gotten down to the concrete foundation by the time Logan came down to reprimand him. Clenching his teeth and feeling his insides mimic the action, Theron looked up at Logan. "Looks like I dug a hole," he said sarcastically.
Sighing a bit, Logan saw what kind of mood he was in and sat down next to him. “Yer still mad 'bout what I said.”
"Ya think I wouldn't be?" he asked, baffled.
Snarling, Logan protested, “I didn't mean it like that an' ya know it!!”
"How did ya mean it?!" Theron asked, really wanting to know. What other way was there for Logan to mean it?
“I told you, dammit!! Look, if you want an apology, I'm sorry, all right?! I didn't mean ta hurt yer feelin's!”
Logan still hadn't explained himself to Theron’s satisfaction. Theron supposed he would just take Logan's apology and figure that he never said anything. That was the only way that he was ever going to get over that if Logan wasn't going to be more articulate about his feelings on the matter. Theron wanted them gone—damn nuisances. With his jaw still clenched, Theron nodded and stopped scratching the concrete with the claws in some vain attempt to smooth them out. "Thanks, Logan," he said and crawled over to Logan to nuzzle his leg before settling against the foot of the couch in front of the hole. He was going to have to fix it later.
Sighing, Logan reached out to stroke his hair, but only allowed himself to gently tug on a lock that was hanging in front of his face. “Will ya come ta bed with me? Or you wanna be alone, too?”
"No, I'll come with ya. The kid get all offended 'cause o' what I said to 'im?" he asked. He didn't think it was that big of an argument to make him stay away all night....
Looking over at him, Logan asked, “What'd you say to ‘im?”
"Told 'im ya were gettin' pissy 'cause ya were suspicious o' him. He didn't seem ta be too mad," he said with a shrug. "He marched off 'cuase I wasn't a peach ta be around. Guess he took that worse than I thought." Theron looked up at Logan to gage his reaction.
Just blinking at him, Logan said, “That was... real sensitive, Theron.” You big ape.
"I wasn't in exactly a sensitive mood," oaf, he grumbled to himself. Part of him growled that Logan had started it and look how it effected all of them. That was amazing... and terrifying to think that one phrase could control them all so easily. Theron was going to have to be more careful about everything... and now he felt really bad.
Hanging his head a little, Logan said, “Remy's runnin' off...”
"What?" Theron asked and his attention snapped back to Logan. "Why? Should I go apologize to 'im?"
Shaking his head, Logan said, “Nah, don't think that's why he's runnin’...” He started trudging up the stairs. “Says he'll be back, but... I ain't so trustin’ of him fer now....”
That didn't sound good! "Logan... what is it ya think he's hidin'?" Theron asked as he followed Logan up the stairs.
Swallowing, Logan said, “I think he's sleepin’ with Essex.” Logan started slowly getting undressed, feeling numb.
"Shit... why would he do that to ya, Logan?" There wasn't any restriction on their involvement now. It wasn't like he had to be gone for a week at a time any more....
Flopping on the bed, face down, Logan muttered into the pillow, “I ain't sure... I...” Rolling onto his back, Logan sighed. “Think he mighta just... found someone else... Even if he isn't havin' sex with 'em...” he threw an arm over his eyes. “Fuck, I dunno... I can't….” Shaking his head, Logan shut up.
Theron felt a pang run through him as memories of old pain came back to him. He knew what it was like to be abandoned by a lover and he didn't want that for Logan. Theron went over and snuggled by his lover, hoping that he could take some small comfort in his presence. "Logan..." he wished he knew what to tell him. "Maybe Remy was offended earlier taday... after Mark was here..." he offered. "Hell, if he's goin' ta Sinister’s, he might be goin' there ta beat the snot outta Mark," he offered hopefully.
Rolling into Theron, Logan threw his arm over Theron’s neck. “I'm sorry, Theron, I'm sorry I pissed ya off an I'm sorry I left.... I'm sorry I don't... remember you.”
"Logan... it's gonna be okay now. One day we're gonna look back on alla this an' we're gonna laugh at how silly we're bein'... an' there'll be Remy, right by yer side, an' he'll be makin' fun o' you fer thinkin' he was runnin' off with some mad scientist."
Sighing, Logan said, “I suppose we'll see in a week….”
"He's gonna be gone fer a whole week?" he asked.
Giving a sad huff, he confirmed, “Yeah.”
Cringing, Theron hugged Logan to him. "Sorry, Logan. He'll be back. Don't worry," he assured, really hoping that Remy wouldn't let them down.
Logan didn't sleep all night, but was still curled up in Creed's arms when the sun came up. Sleepily, Theron snuggled with the warm body beside him and his hands roamed and clutched his butt. That felt so right and he smiled in his sleep. Sniffing the hair below his nose, Theron issued a slight moan and wrapped a leg around Logan. Stroking Theron’s chest as if to settle him in his sleep, Logan couldn’t help worrying about Remy and if he should go over there to talk to him about what Creed said yesterday. Sighing, Logan thought that even if he wanted to get up, he couldn't.... but damnit, he needed to do this before it got too old, before it settled into resentment... Carefully he started trying to wriggle free of Creed's grasp. Eyes blinking, Theron took in his first conscious breath and looked at Logan. "Oh—hey. Mornin'," he said.
Smiling a little, Logan leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss. “I'll be right back... Go back ta sleep...” Getting up, Logan put on some jeans.
"Goin' ta talk to the kid?" he guessed.
“Yeah... I can't let him go with this between us....”
Theron nodded. "Good luck, Logan," he said and settled back into the covers hoping that things would work out. Logan hopped down the stairs and outside, picking up Remy's scent and followed it to him.
Remy woke with the alarm clock he'd set and gathered his things together. He was going to just wait outside on the grounds for Nathaniel. They had said first thing, but he didn't know what that meant, so he was up with the sun.
“..... Hey...” Logan hoped he didn't sneak up too quietly in the grass and startle him.
Remy was out on the lawn sitting beside his duffle and looked behind him when Logan showed up. "Hey, cher," he said and got up to walk inside the house, leaving his duffle there. He looked back to make sure Logan was following him. He didn't want Nathaniel to show up suddenly and find he'd been lying about Logan’s urgent business.
Following him inside, Logan didn’t know what this was all about, but he followed. “Look... Remy... Creed told me what he said ta you, an'... I... I don't want you ta misunderstand….”
"Misunderstand what?" he asked. He had been up late that night unable to go to sleep for thinking about how he would raise a child even if he were to have one. He hadn't been thinking about Creed. He then remembered that Theron said Logan was suspicious of him and it came into place.
Swallowing, Logan continued, “What he... Yesterday, when we were in the shower, he told ya ta leave because he thought I didn't wanna have sex with you....”
"Oh..." Remy nodded, remembering that too. "Oui... I understand," he said, still obviously a little hurt by the mention of it.
Taking his belt loops, Logan pulled Remy against him. “Remy... I didn't wanna say anythin' because....” Because I didn't want to take the attention away from you. “Because I thought it woulda made you uncomfortable, but what Mark did... It...” Logan sighed, shaking his head. “It was...” rape. “Well, it fucked me up, and I didn't want ta... burden ya with it... Or bring it to our bed.”
"I... I can understand dat, Logan. I... admit I was hurt... but it's okay. Really. I wan' t' give y' all de time y' need... but what I need t' do in Antarctica is... separate from dat. I need t' make sure Mark never does dat again," he said vehemently. "I love y', Logan," he said brushing his cheek.
“..... And ya still won't tell me why yer goin’ there?”
"Not yet. I'll explain when I get back..." he said.
Nodding, Logan kissed him. “I love you, too, Remy... Take care a yerself....”
Opening up his shields, Remy brushed his love and excitement over Logan as they kissed. "Y' too, Logan. Won' be long," he smiled and went back out to the yard to wait.
Giving him a funny lopsided smirk, because... he just loved him to pieces... Logan wondered what he was doing that excited him so. Watching him for a moment, Logan then shuffled back to the boathouse to cuddle with Creed and maybe sleep a little.
Sighing, Remy waited for Nathaniel to arrive, content that things were going to work out. Nathaniel wasn’t long and showed up looking pretty sleepy, but excited. “Remy? You're ready?”
Smiling at his disheveled look, Remy smiled and said, "Oui. Ready," and he stepped through Nathaniel’s' tesseract doorway.
Bringing him into the lab, he asked, “Have you eaten?”
Leaning against Nathaniel when he finished stepping through the portal, Remy felt like he might hurl. He followed Nathaniel to his lab though and held his hand up. "Non, non. Wouldn' tink of it."
“Good!!” Steadying him a little, Nathaniel put him on his exam table. “All right. This!” he revealed the womb with a flourish, “Is your womb!” He was rather proud of it.
"Uh...." Remy looked at the weird shaped thing. It looked a little big, but then again, the baby was going to be a LOT bigger than that by the time it was done developing. "Looks... like it'll support a tyke," he smiled, sensing Nathaniel's pride in his work from his smile. "I don' 'xactly know how dey're supposed t' look, but I know y' did good on it."
Chuckling, Nathaniel said, “Thank you for your blind approval, my dear...” He looked at him. “How are you feeling?”
"Good," he said. He was a little tired, but otherwise was fine. The nausea had faded after a few good, deep breaths.
“Shall we begin the preparations?”
"Oui," Remy nodded with an anxious smile. He couldn’t' really hide his excitement and asked, "What do I need t' do?"
Remy woke and held his breath focusing his attention on his body.
“Awake?” Sitting on the table beside Remy, Nathaniel checked to see how his patient was.
Feeling the pressure at his abdomen Remy was surprised at how comfortable everything felt in the area. "Oui.... Feel a little different... everythin' go okay?" he asked.
“Yes... There will be swelling of course, and a little scarring... I'd like to keep you here a few more days just in case anything happens.”
"No problem; I got a week," he said relaxed. He wanted as little scarring as possible, so he would be sure to use Neosporin or some other anti-bacterial goo for possible infections.
“Good... Let me know if you feel sick or anything, I'm going to take you to your room... I had Mark make it up.”
"Uh... thanks," Remy said and tried to keep his face light at the mention of Mark. He tried to relax and push his healing along, even though Nathaniel had administered a drug that inhibited his powers before the surgery.
Remy looked at Mark with a hard expression on his face when he went into Mark's game room. It used to be his bedroom, but since he slept with Nathaniel now, he didn't use it as one. Looking up at his visitor, Mark's expression fell. Remy hadn't been to visit him all week. Not that he could blame him—he had been stuck in bed for the most part.
He had to say that he did expect a confrontation, he had just expected it lot sooner. "Hey," Mark greeted and offered a seat to Remy.
Ignoring the greeting, Remy said, "If y' ever touch eider one o' m' men again, Mark, y' gonna regret it. I been patient wid y' an' I tink y' deserve a beatin' f' trickin' Logan like dat, but I'm tryin' ta take int' account dat y' only two years old."
Nodding, Mark thought he was probably getting off easy with just a little talk from Remy. "You really... aren't mad at me?" he asked.
"Oh, I'm plenty mad at y'," he countered. "I jus' don' tink violence is gonna solve anythin' wid y' at dis stage. What y' do wid Nathaniel is y' own business. I can't stop y' if y' wanna experiment—or fuckin’ cheat on him outright—just leave me an' mine out of it," he warned and with that was out to the living room to see Nathaniel for his final check up.
"Hey, Nathaniel," he said kindly when he saw him. "Not dat I don' love y' place, but I'm 'bout itchin' t' go," he smiled.
Grinning, Nathaniel asked, “Have you called someone to come pick you up?” scooting aside so he could settle down on the sofa.
"Y' mean t' meet me dere?" Remy settled on the sofa beside Nathaniel.
“No, I mean to pick you up.” Lifting Remy’s shirt to examine his scar, he put his hands on Remy’s lower abdomen. “A portal right now could be disastrous.”
"Ah. I see. Lemme call up Cyke an' see who he can't harangue int' pickin' me up," Remy said as he reached for the phone and dialed Scott's office number.
Mark had gone exploring while Remy was recuperating and was spending so much time with Nathaniel. Finding the security room, Mark had been intrigued and ducked inside. Looking at all the different monitors and the video feed they held of all the labs that Mark never got to see, his attention was held only until he figured out that nothing interesting was going on in any of them. His attention was then drawn to the image of Nathaniel in Remy’s guest room and Mark felt a swell of jealousy when Nathaniel put his hand on Remy’s thigh.
There was no sound, but the gesture alone told Mark how familiar it was to the both of them. Mark’s curiosity was piqued and he needed to know why that was. Checking out the rest of the systems, he looked for the recording system. Once he found it, looking for the date around which he arrived at the mansion with Logan and Victor was his goal. That was easy enough because he remembered the date.
Playing the day before, he saw Nathaniel running around, looking very alone, then he saw him leave and come back with an unconscious Remy. He fast forwarded through the next hours where Remy slept and when Remy woke up he watched the interactions between them on slightly fast speed, then slowed down when Remy kissed Nathaniel. Mark’s jaw hung loose, then they started to remove clothing and Mark got mad. They had sex, but it seemed interrupted, then Mark fast forwarded through the night and when morning came, they had sex again… this time uninterrupted and more passionately. Mark didn’t fast forward this section and watched the way Nathaniel took him and watched his lip movements. He told Remy he was perfection! Mark recognized those words through the silence and the expression like pain that was intense pleasure.
Mark felt a knot in his throat and his blood boiled as Nathaniel came inside Remy. He stopped the tape before they started cuddling. He felt sick enough as it was.
He watched Remy leave and made his way down to the living room. He was kind of pissed, but he knew he couldn't go anywhere.... No... make that he was super pissed. But he still couldn't go anywhere.
Softly, Nathaniel asked, “Mark? Would you come in here a moment?”
Clenching his fists, Mark stalked over to Nathaniel, not looking him in the eye. How could he now that he knew he liked Remy sexually? Leaning onto the counter top, Nathaniel watched Mark. “You seem upset.”
"Why should I be upset?" You only just want to fuck Remy into your mattress! Why am I always a replacement for him???
“You tell me.” He rapped his talons on the hard surface, watching him patiently, detached.
"No reason." He wasn't going to tell Nathaniel because if he did, he would get this sob story about how Mark wasn't really a replacement for Remy and that's why he was set free—but that he was a replacement for Remy was why he was created in the first place and there was no way Nathaniel could convince him otherwise. He just wanted off this cursed snow island. "I'm fine," he said as gently as he could muster.
“Don't lie to me, Mark. I can read you without trying. Is this about Remy?”
Mark scowled at the corner of the room. "Yes," he muttered. He felt like he was in front of his mother again and that made Mark's heart clench tightly in his chest.
[09:24] Esprit013: His mother was always like this when she caught him doing something she didn't like.
“Will you tell me about it?”
"I don't want to," he said flatly, but he was certain that Nathaniel would drag it out of him like his mother always did.
Nathaniel couldn’t help but think Mark was really adorable in a little boyish sort of way, standing there, pouting like that... He went and sat on the sofa in front of the fire place. “Come sit with me, Mark.”
Yup. Here it came. Mark went silently to sit by Nathaniel. He kind of slouched next to him waiting to be addressed. Takes Mark’s hand, Nathaniel pulled him into his arms, loving the feel of him and stroked his stomach. “Did you two have an argument?”
Well, okay. That would work too. Mark nodded. And they kind of did, but what was he going to say it was about? Mark said the reason he hadn't liked it there was because he didn't have any friends.
Stroking his hair, Nathaniel asked, “Did this argument... have to do with a certain Russian?”
Mark went particularly still in Nathaniel's grasp. "How did you know?"
“Remy told me.” Watching him closely, Nathaniel tried to gauge Mark’s secrets.
Mark sighed. "Yeah? What did he say?"
“There was talk of unfair treatment.” He was intentionally being vague.
Mark was growling at Remy across the thousands of miles that separated them. "Unfair treatment? I don't think it's unfair to have someone around that isn't always comparing me to Remy—and when one comes along—Remy hurts him!" Mark didn't know where he was going with this, but he didn't know what Nathaniel had been told either.
“Mmm.... How did Remy hurt him?”
"He burned out one of his eyes," Mark said harshly, glaring at Nathaniel.
“If I recall correctly, that happened a good while before you arrived in New York.” Don't try to pull one over on me, young man, I keep tabs.
"Yeah, but he had to leave because of it! I can't believe how they were still fighting when I was there. We saw him in New York and they just went off on each other! I hated being in the middle of it." And he did.
“How were you in the middle of it? Were they fighting over you?”
"No, I was just there," he said. "That was enough. I thought Piotr was gonna kill Remy," Mark said, a little bit of the fear of the moment coming back to him.
“Why?”
"He had him up against a wall and... did you know that they... slept together...?" he asked tentatively. He was also testing Nathaniel's reaction.
Holy shit. “.... I was aware that Rasputin was lusting after Remy... I was not aware that anything happened between them.”
"Yeah, well, it did and Piotr's mad about it," Mark growled.
“Does Piotr lust after you the way he does for Remy?”
"W—how should I know?!" Mark shouted indignantly. You're the expert on sleeping with clones!
“Are you attracted to him?”
"No," Mark scowled at Nathaniel's lap. He just wanted out of there!
Nathaniel knew there was something wrong here, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. He stroked Mark’s hair. “You aren't hiding anything from me, are you Mark?”
"Why would I hide anything from you?" he asked suddenly lifting his eyes to Nathaniel, staring angrily into them. You're hiding everything from me! Didn't he deserve to hide something from Nathaniel? This was important to him—damnit! That he not be just a replacement for Remy was very important, and that's all he was to anyone!! He wanted out of there so he could go to a place where no one had ever seen or heard of Remy Le Beau!
“Why are you so angry?” he asked, stroking his cheek.
"I know about Remy," Mark whispered with venom dripping from his voice.
“What about him, Mark?”
"I know about you and Remy," he growled louder.
........ Oh, that.......... “Did he tell you?” Mark shook his head. He was scowling at the corner again. “Mark....” Nathaniel sighed. “You were... I never thought you were coming back when that happened.... It only happened once....”
"I know; I saw." Twice, if you count the evening before.
“You saw?!” That's not possible!
Mark nodded, a deep frown still etched into his face.
“What... what did you see?” He didn’t think they were talking about the same thing.
"Oh, come on, Nathaniel, I saw you have sex with him!" Mark was outraged and he got up from the couch. Was he trying to get out of this?
“How.... Mark, how would you.... ..... The surveillance tapes? You looked at the surveillance tapes?”
Mark just looked hard at Nathaniel, not nodding. It was obvious that's what he had done.
“Mark, that was months ago! Before you even came back to me!”
Mark's fists clenched in his hands. Don't you get it??? That's not why I'm upset!!! I'm upset because you made me as a replacement for a man you couldn't have!!
He was shaking with anger. "Do you think I'm worried that you cheated on me?" he asked, glaring at Nathaniel.
“You aren't?”
"No!!" he shouted at the ceiling.
“Then why are you so angry?”
"I want to leave, Nathaniel. I can't stay with you any more," he growled.
“Mark!” He took Mark’s shoulders. “Mark, what's wrong?”
"I don't ever want to see you again! Do you hear me?! I can't live like this!" I can't be someone's replacement—you have to love me for who I am!!!
Feeling struck by poison darts when Mark said that, Nathaniel felt like he may just break down. “Mark....”
"No, don't you try to make me feel better! You can't!" I hate you! "Let me go!"
Grabbing him by his arms, Nathaniel pushed Mark up against a wall. “NO! I am not letting you go!! I haven't wronged you; you're mine!!”
"So I'm your slave?" he asked, his voice embittered.
“You're my lover.” Nathaniel let go. “And you're not leaving because of what happened before you even came here!”
What is it about Remy you love so much, hunh? What made you want him so badly that you had to create me in order to get him?" Mark nearly spat.
“I don't love Remy, you impudent brat!! I made you for his empathy, I made you to love!”
"Then why did you sleep with him?! If you don't love him, why would you do that? And why didn't you keep me from the start?!" Mark's eyes were filling with tears and he wanted out of that cramped little space.
“You know why I didn’t keep you, Mark!! I didn't keep you for the same reason you want to leave now!! Remy was just... Remy was just there.... I was alone, and he was there.”
"You kidnapped him—he wasn't just there!" Mark protested.
“I needed him for a reason!! I needed fresh samples....” Curling his taloned fingers in annoyance, Nathaniel continued, “What's the matter with you?? Why won't you believe I love you??”
"Because everyone loves Remy more than me!" Mark collapsed to the floor in anguish. "Can't you see—I'm nothing! I don't exist as myself—I exist because someone else existed before me!" Mark was sobbing on the floor now, tears running down his cheeks. “No one I've ever met hasn't looked at me comparing me to him... no one...." Not even Piotr.... "I need to know what it's like to be myself, Nathaniel...." Mark sobbed.
Sighing, Nathaniel sat down close to him. “I don't want you to go.” He really loved him, loved Mark.
"I have to. I can't stand this. I need to go somewhere far away from him..." From you. From all of you. "Please, Nathaniel... take me to California. I need this time...." Maybe I'd come back... but who knows? Maybe I'd like being myself....
Grabbing his shirt and hauling him into his lap, Nathaniel crushed him close to him. “Do you hate me?”
A mixture of feelings welled up in Mark and he was angry at Nathaniel... but the reason he was so incredibly mad at him was because he loved him. He felt so betrayed. "No," Mark sobbed. "But I can't stay here." Tentatively, Mark looked up into Nathaniel's eyes. "I... I love you," he frowned deeply after he said that. "But I'm hurt. Badly," he explained. A fresh wave of tears followed his words.
Holding him tight, Nathaniel crumbled to pieces inside. “What did I do wrong?”
"I don't know, Nathaniel," Mark said. "All I know is that I feel so worthless right now that I can barely breathe. I don't know what I like to do—I don't know what my favorite color is... I'm not a whole person yet, Nathaniel, I can feel it. Maybe what you did wrong was to have made me in the first place," Mark said with a note of self-hate.
Shaking his head, Nathaniel said, “No... You're perfect... You're the most perfect thing I've ever created....”
"I don't feel it, Nathaniel. I don't feel it at all," he said bowing his head. He looked up at Nathaniel then and begged, "Please... give me time to find out who I am...?"
Nathaniel thought he already did that... but nodded, realizing for the first time that he was crying. Holding him tight, Nathaniel felt like he was not going to survive Mark leaving him again. Mark hugged Nathaniel, but he was sobbing too. He still felt empty inside—like there was so much missing from him in every category one could describe. He didn't know what to do from there. How was he going to ask Nathaniel to take him somewhere else? Did he need anything? He had a little money saved up from his time in New York, but that was just in his wallet with him. Did Nathaniel want to try and convince him to stay more? Could Mark stand up to an emotional assault like that? Mark felt his insides flipping at the prospect of having to watch Nathaniel hurting for any longer.
Nuzzling into Mark’s neck, Nathaniel squeezed him. “Will you at least stay with me tonight?”
Clutching Nathaniel’s arm until his knuckles were white, Mark nodded and let the new, hot tears onto his cheeks. He still felt so horrible! How was he going to make love to Nathaniel when he felt like this?
Stroking his arms, Nathaniel said, “I won't force you into anything... I just want to hold you...” He never considered that Mark would be leaving him and certainly not this soon. He clutched Mark desperately.
Mark nodded again and buried his head in Nathaniel's chest. Maybe this would allow them to calm down some so when they parted things wouldn't be so... awkward. Or maybe by letting things settle things would be more awkward—Mark didn't know, but he was willing to fulfill Nathaniel's simple last request.
Stroking Mark’s hair over and over, Nathaniel felt unable to stop and he squeezed him tighter and tighter. “You can have whatever you need.... I'll get you a house... a car... money....”
"Nathaniel... I don't want to rely on you... I don't want to feel... indebted...." Because what if I don't come back? He would feel horrible for using Nathaniel. "I'll go with what I have," he explained.
“You don't have anything, Mark! And I'm not sending you into the world alone to get torn to ribbons!!” Cradling his face, Nathaniel thought, god, how am I going to let you go? “I won't hold you to anything Mark, but I will make you take what I'm offering.
"I... Thank you... Nathaniel. I..." He didn't know what to say. He still loved the way Nathaniel held him, but deep inside him he felt that he was still doing it wishing that it was his original. He had read Nathaniel's lips when he was shouting to Remy that he was perfect... just like he told Mark he was perfect. It made Mark feel sick inside and he didn't know what to do about this competing love and betrayal.
Things still hadn’t sunk in; he was unable to allow himself to believe Mark was leaving him. Nathaniel was trying to not go completely nutty and chain him up somewhere. Feeling so very pained, but needing the comfort of his embrace, Mark leaned up to kiss Nathaniel's lips. Even that was painful and he felt his stomach contract at the contact of lips, knowing Remy's had been there.
Nathaniel’s lips tremble against Mark’s and he didn't know if he was going to get to kiss him again. Carefully, Nathaniel held Mark’s face and kissed him back as if he was a cloud that would disappear if he breathed too hard.
Mark whimpered like a puppy in pain as his lips frowned and he started to cry again. He felt torn, but couldn't explain why he felt it. Letting his lips go, Nathaniel sighed and tried to stifle his own tears. “I'm sorry...” I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry for it.
Hugging Nathaniel again Mark just wanted to hold him for a while again. He didn't know what would happen after the while had passed, but he knew that being physical with Nathaniel was going to be painful at this point. "I'm sorry, too, Nathaniel...."
Wincing, he said, “Then don't go... We can work this out, couples do it all the time....”
"Nathaniel... this is something I need to do for myself... by myself." I can't let anything that touched Remy touch me until I figure out what that means. "I need to ask myself so many questions, Nathaniel... please understand."
Feeling the desire to throw up just in asking the question, Nathaniel forced out, “Do you want... Do you want to forget me?” like you did before?
"Forget you...?" Mark asked. What did he mean by that? How could he ever forget Nathaniel...?
“To... give you back the memories you had... Of a mother and a normal life....”
"No!" Mark objected loudly, pulling back to look at Nathaniel. "I don’t' want anything false! I want to find out who I am in light of everything I know—I can't just, throw it all away and start over again.... I need to remember you, Nathaniel... so that when I find myself..." I can have the option of coming back to you. "I'll know where I came from."
Dropping his eyes, Nathaniel nodded, just feeling sort of numb. Mark felt like maybe... he should go sleep in his own bed... but he wanted to stay with Nathaniel until he left. He also felt like he wanted to leave right then—no delays, but he wasn't going to get out of there without Nathaniel, so he just knelt there and started to feel his legs fall asleep under him.
“Come.... Let's put you to bed....” Lifting Mark in his strong arms, Nathaniel started carrying him to their bedroom since Mark’s was a Rec. Room now. Clinging to Nathaniel, Mark wasn't sure he could let him go when he set him in the bed they had shared for the past weeks. Mark didn't even know what he wanted.
Taking off Mark’s shoes and jeans, he settles him back onto the bed and tucked him in, staying atop the covers. Holding his hand, Mark set his head on the pillow and felt his brain numb with tear induced sleep. Just sitting above him, Nathaniel watched him most of the night, stroking his hair gently, not feeling the need to eat or sleep or even breathe.
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