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Part 4 Figuring It Out
Ororo went to Rogue's room to get back a CD she had lent her for a class she was running. She didn't look around much, but did notice a letter on her bed and thought it odd. Curiously, she picked up the letter and perused it. "Oh my goddess! Remy!" she whispered and ran to find Scott. She didn't know what to do with the letter, but she knew that she should let Scott know so that he could be prepared for Rogue's outburst. She ran to his office and knocked on the door there.
Scott called from his office, “Yeah?” He was rubbing his forehead, a little overwhelmed with the badness of the essays in front of him.
Ororo opened the door and swept into the room carrying a small folded piece of paper. "Scott, I found this on Rogue's pillow when I went to get a CD from her room. I don't know if there is anything that should be done about it, but I knew that you should see if before she returned."
Blinking, Scott asked, “Why were you looking at Rogues letters?”
"I was in her room looking for a CD of mine when I stumbled upon it. I don't know what I thought it was at the time, but I didn't think it would hurt to look at it."
Scott sighed. “Ororo... You can't just read other people's letters...”
Ororo was hoping that it was a love letter from Remy and that she could read it, harmlessly and reassure herself that everything was right with the world and that happiness could still be found among their kind... but that wasn't what she found. "I am sorry, Scott, but the deed is done now and you should read it as well."
Scott looked at the letter. “Ororo, it would be unethical for me to read that... But... if you were to tell me... That would be fine…”
"It says that Remy is breaking up with Rogue. She'll be outraged, Scott. I thought you should know. The children don't need to see that sort of behavior and I don't know how severe it will be. She may try to hurt him." Ororo didn't really think that Rogue would intentionally hurt Remy, but accidents were more likely to happen when things were out of control. Or when people were out of control.
Scott blinked. “I thought they were broken up! Did they get back together?”
"The had been living in California together for some time and were still together when they were last here and they were still together as of Christmas, I thought."
Scott sighed heavily, leaning into his hands. “Oh, God... I can't keep up with them....” He rubbed forehead. “I suppose it would be even more unethical to slip sedatives into Rogue's drinks?”
Ororo looked at Scott. "Yes, it would. But I certainly understand your inclination."
Sighing, he shook his head. “There's nothing we can do, Ororo... If Rogue gets out of control we can subdue her... But other than that, we can't really interfere....” His eyebrows flew up. “Unless of course... it wouldn't be unethical to burn that letter....”
Ororo's eyebrows shot up in response to Scott's. "It most certainly would be...." She thought about it and was very tempted to take the letter to the fireplace or a student that could create fire. "So, I will go put it back on her pillow. But what will you do about Rogue if she gets out of hand?"
“Emma will... Y' know...” zonk her, he finished to himself
Ororo nodded, sighing and turned to leave his office. "Thank you, Scott."
“Sure, ‘Ro....” After she was gone, he went to bed to tell Emma what was amiss so she had a heads up.
Remy wasn't sure what to do. He knew he should stay away from Logan because he was being a major jerk, but didn't want to stay away from him because they were friends. He was tempted to go down to Harry's for a few drinks, but didn't think that would solve anything. Not like anything could be solved at this point. He decided to go out.
Logan fell asleep before his head hit the pillow, wincing a little in his sleep. He saw Remy getting hit by that goddamn SUV and being torn to shreds.
Remy got on his bike and headed down to the bar. He made sure to rev his engine hard before exiting the grounds, hoping that Logan noticed. With that super hearing, it's not like he wouldn't be able to. Logan snarled a little and fidgeted, but was too exhausted to wake up. The engine noise didn’t sound like a threat. Remy also made sure to not take his helmet to piss Logan off and because he wanted to feel the wind in his hair.
Remy decided that he wanted to get frickin' drunk tonight and Harry's was the best place to do it because it was so close to the mansion. There wasn't much to hit on the way back. Remy sauntered into the tavern and headed straight for the bar. Henry was sitting in the tavern, enjoying some tasty beer and playing a little pool when Remy walked into Harry’s.
“Gambit...? Remy?”
Remy didn't smile at Hank, but acknowledged him and grumbled, "Hey, Hank."
Hank put his pool cue aside and moved his considerable weight onto the barstool next to Remy. “Well, as delighted as I am at your return, I must wonder about your unhappy countenance... Are you all right, Remy?” he asked friendly, putting a large, warm paw on his shoulder. Remy shrugged his shoulder out of Hank's grasp and moved away from him slightly. "Ain' feelin' so hot." Remy glared at the bar counter and finally settled into a seat.
Hank nodded, a little sad that he Remy was not as happy to see him as he was to see Remy. He said softly. “Do you want that I should leave you alone?”
"Might be de best course of action, oui," he growled. He didn't feel like being touched tonight, which was quite unusual. It was an unwillingness to let Logan be right combined with his foul mood, he suspected, but understanding didn't change it so much as he thought it might.
Nodding, he said, “Then I'll comply... Alex will be here later tonight if you wish to confide in him....” He sighed a bit heavily and went to resume the pool game.
Like Remy would want to confide in anybody. The moment he said he was looking at Logan with hungry eyes, the news would be all over the place and that, among other things, like Northstar being all over him, would ruin his reputation... and that was an important thing in his line of work. Remy started ordering drinks and getting as soused as possible as quickly as possible.
Logan hadn’t been able to get much sleep. He had been up since 3am, when he couldn't shake the nightmare and woke up sweating and screaming.
Remy rode in at around 3:30 am after the bars closed and he had finally ended up on his bike. He dropped it once on the way home, but was fine... just a few scratches. He was still drunk and probably smelled of whiskey for a mile.
Logan was sitting on the couch, watching TV and looked up to see who got stinking drunk. Sniffing at the air he panicked. “Remy?? Shit, Remy, that you!?”
Remy dragged himself into the mansion doors and heard Logan. "Hm? Wha' d' you wan'?" He was trying to glare at Logan but was having trouble focusing.
Only wearing boxers, he grabbed him up in his arms, sniffing him. He could smell the alcohol and gasoline. “Remy, what the hell happened?!” Hauling him upstairs, Logan took Remy to his bedroom.
"Let go, Logan, please," he plead, emotionally disturbed. He knew that pretty soon he would start feeling hot and that his pheromones would start smelling stronger than even the smoke and alcohol. Once that happened, Logan would get uncomfortable again and he didn't want him to be even angrier at him for liking him so much.
“Shut up, Remy.” He hefted him over his shoulder and dragged him up the stairs easily. “Where's yer helmet?”
"What helmet?" he asked angrily.
“Your bike helmet, Remy!” he snarled, taking him down the hall with his butt in the air.
"It's friggin' back in N'Awlins!" he slurred. "Pud m' down, Logan!" he shouted.
“Remy, goddamn it!” he shouted smacking his butt hard and flopping him back on his bed. “I told you to always wear yer friggin helmet!!”
"Y' also said y'd smack m' upside de head if y' ever found m' widout it, but y' chose t' smack m' butt instead. I tink dis says somethin', Logan."
“Yeah, yer a butthead...” He didn’t think the bad joke was very funny, either. “And you rode home with no helmet while you were DRUNK!?”
"What do you care!!!??" he shouted at the top of his lungs. It was obvious how drunk Remy was and how much the alcohol was hindering his inhibitions.
Covering his mouth and pushing him back on the bed, Logan crawled atop him. “You stupid fucker, cause I don't want you ending up dead!! Why did you do it!?”
Remy's eyes filled with tears as he looked at Logan. "Cause I wanned t' make y' mad," he said into his hand. "Cause I didn' care anymore. I wanned t' prove t' m'self dat I could live widout anybody... but it's so lonely, Logan.... It hurts so much...."
Eyeing Remy, he rolled off him. “Dammit, kid….” He huffed. “I was havin' nightmares that damn car hit ya... I couldn't sleep... But then I wake up and you tried to fuckin’ make it true….” He was really angry about that.
"How was I s'posed t' know y' were havin' nightmares, hunh? Y' won' let me sleep wid y', y' won' talk t' me-- how was I s'posed t' know?"
“Who the hell said I wouldn't talk to you!? I told you I'd be here if you needed me! For fuckssakes, Remy!” Remy sighed and tried to calm down. The weight of the subject of nightmares made the situation seem more important. Logan rubbed his face. “Whaddya want from me, Remy?”
The tears started appearing in his eyes again. "Logan... what're we gon' do? Y' won' let us date...." he didn't know where his train of thought was leading him. He wanted to date Logan. Badly. But he wouldn't let them! Why wouldn't he let them?! It didn't make any sense, and Remy's thoughts became confused and frantic.
“Whaddya want from me, Remy?” he repeated.
"I wan'...." He paused and looked at Logan seriously, as if for a moment, he caught onto his sanity and sobriety. "You know what I wan'."
“I'm not fucking you when yer in this state....”
"I didn' say I wanned y' t' fuck me, Logan. I wan' us t' date. I don' care if it takes us a long time t' get intimate. I need you, Logan. I need you as m' friend, an' I'm really attracted to you. I care 'bout y' an' I can't stop dat... even dough I do stupid tings because of it." He paused as if he'd been side tracked and was trying to recover his train of thought. "I need t' be able t' care 'bout y', Logan. Please," he finished.
Logan looked at the bedspread and grumbled softly. “I never said y' couldn't care about me, Gumbo...”
"Y' jus' said I couldn' act on it," he retorted.
Nodding slowly, he pouted a little. “I don' trust ya, Remy... I just... I don't.”
Those words crushed Remy and he curled up on his bed in pain and shock. A heartbeat later he decided that it just wasn't worth it any more. None of it was worth it. He shouldn't have tried in the first place, he chided himself. The pain in his chest threatened to squeeze his lungs flat. His throat hurt from the screaming and the knot that had formed there, his chest hurt, his head hurt from the tears, his stomach was threatening to rebel as well and he just wanted to die in that instant. He didn't know if it was the alcohol or the emotional instability that caused the crack in his shields, but it was there, and with the feelings of complete hopelessness, the shield broke and his feelings went flooding into Logan. The sensation was said to be not unlike someone screaming their pain at the top of their lungs inside one's head.
Swallowing hard at the intense and foreign feeling, Logan nearly freaked out. It sounded like his own screaming during the experiments. He huffed hard and erected those damn psionic shields he worked so hard for in Weapon X. “Fuck, REMY!”
Remy didn't respond; he just lay there on the bed. His eyes were closed tightly though.
Logan was having a hard time breathing. He could hear everyone in the school wake up screaming and crying. “REMY!” He grabbed him, pulling him against himself, stroking his head. “Remy, snap out of it! C'mon! We can date, we can fuck, we can do whatever you want just cut it out!!”
Remy actually couldn't hear Logan shouting to him. He had receded pretty far into his own mind. He did feel the physical sensations and hear the words, but the acknowledgement of them was beyond his ability to grasp at that moment.
Emma flew into the room. "What is going on??!!" she shouted, having erected a shield around everyone who was effected in the mansion. She could see that Remy was in bad shape and tried to take him from Logan's arms.
Snarling at her, he popped his claws in front of her nose with a snikt! “Don’t touch him!” He was doing a little protective alpha-male thing.
She flinched back and instantly went into diamond form, knowing that Logan could still wound her. "I need to calm him down. How is he doing this, anyway?"
“I don't know...” he said just cradling and rocking him. He kissed his forehead. “He just freaked out. He's drunk as hell....” He squeezed Remy tight to his chest.
"That would explain his complete lack of control, but not his telepathy," she said sternly to him. She was a bit perplexed at the gesture of the kiss, but wasn't going to bring it up at this point.
Logan snarled again, “I don't know what the hell it is; I'm not the freaking doctor. Just fix it, woman!!”
Emma was miffed, but closed her eyes and concentrated on Remy's mind, delving deep into it. This boy is screwed up, she thought as she assessed the damage. His shields were ripped wide open and she patched them back together, but they were made of different stuff than she was used to dealing with. She could really only do a temporary patch to them.
Cradling and rocking and murmuring comforting words, he kissed his forehead and squeezed his hand, saying his name, trying to bring him back.
When she came back out, she looked sternly at Logan. "Who did this to him?" she asked. "His shields were cracked wide."
“He was pissed off at me....” he said, figuring that was close enough.
"It looked like an attack," she observed, not meaning to contradict his statement, but wanting to piece things together fully.
Scowling at her, he said low, “You think I attacked him?”
"I don't think you could have, Logan. You don't have the necessary skills."
“So then what was it!?” Are you trying to be difficult?
"For all we know it could have been inflicted years ago. Has he been in battle with any telepaths that we know of recently?" she asked trying to put together as much information as she could.
Logan sighed, shaking his head. “No. But lord knows what the hell he ran into in Antarctica....”
She nodded, remembering that something happened to him there. "Well, there's nothing we can do for him now but wait for him to wake up in his own time. I suggest we take him down to the Medical Lab so Dr. McCoy can hook him up to an IV. He will most likely be out for some time."
Huffing, Logan said, “He hates the Medlab... Can't Hank bring his crap up here?”
"I will ask him," she said, but didn't think it was likely.
Nodding, still stroking Remy, he said, “Thanks....” He nuzzled into his hair, rocking steadily, muttering words of comfort and affection. Emma left the room and went to fetch Hank, who was half way up the stairs, having been woken by the empathic shock, but not knowing where it came from. Emma caught Hank in the hall. "Henry, can you bring an IV up to Gambit's room? He'll be needing one," she said to him in her diamond form and regal manner.
“Well, yes! Of course!”
"Thank you." She turned back to the room, but then turned back to Hank. "You may need to bring a catheter as well."
“Awww, darlin’....” He carefully leaned him back onto the bed, stroking his chest and forehead and tummy. “I'm sorry, darlin’....”
Remy woke feeling empty. It was very similar to how his body felt right after Antarctica... only quite a bit better than that. Quite a bit warmer too. Logan was asleep in a chair beside Remy’s bed, head on it and snoring lightly. He wasn’t dreaming because he had been awake almost the entire time Remy was out. Remy's lip quivered at seeing Logan by his bedside.
Logan had his hand atop Remy’s, curling his fingers occasionally in a twitchy motion. “Mghrn... .”
What are y' doin' here? he asked Logan in his thoughts, even though he knew he didn't have telepathy. What happened? He was touched by Logan being there though. His chest tightened and he squeezed Logan's hand. Zonked out as he was, he instinctively squeezed Remy’s hand back. He was probably killing his neck and back sleeping in this position.
"What..." Remy whispered out. "What're y' doin' here, Logan...?" He felt the IV in his arm and looked over to it. It wasn't pleasant, but it didn't hurt at the moment.
Logan grunted a little and woke at the sound that he hadn’t heard in a week. “Remy?” he asked looking over. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and saw Remy awake. “Remy!” Leaning in, he kissed his cheek and bolted to the door, screaming, “Hey, he’s awake!!” He came back to him, sitting on the bed and took his hand. “How are ya?”
"Feel like shit," he grumbled, but looked at Logan with awe. "What're y' doin' here? I tought y' were mad at m'?"
“No... Just... I just wanted you to wear your helmet. Oh god, Remy, I'm glad yer all right.” He reached out and stroked his face, almost a little teary. Almost.
Remy blinked a little at that. "I'll need t' go get a new one.... What happened?" he asked when he couldn't remember anything beyond coming back home from the bar after dropping his bike and running into Logan.
“I should be askin' you the same thing, Cajun,” he smiled fondly, still stroking his face. “Even Emma doesn't have a clue... Y'just... Y just freaked out.”
"Jus'... freaked out?" he asked wearily. “I don' understan'... Did I hurt anybody?" he asked afraid. On occasion his charging power got out of control when he was overly drunk, but it had been years since that happened.
Nodding, he said, “Yeah... Y' started crying and screaming and rocking...” Remy’s heart clenched at the thought of having hurt people. Logan sighed. “Y' kinda sent a... psychic blast throughout the entire building... Woke everyone up with a keen sense a... desperation and hopelessness.”
Remy's eyes widened. "Non... non, non, non, non," he muttered to himself, holding his head. "I'm sorry, Logan... I didn' mean f' it t' get out...."
Sitting on the bed beside him, he wrapped his arms around Remy. “So... What happened?”
"I don' know what happened.... De charm.... it--"
Stroking his cheek, he asked, “What charm? Remy?”
"I... I don' know--" he stopped himself. He knew what it was. He had only ever used it a handful of times because it was such a menace. "Not charm... Dat's how it's expressed usually-- when I can control it. It's called empat'y."
Furrowing his brow at him, he asked, “Empathy? Y' never told the Professor about it?” Remy shook his head. “Why not? Darlin’, why not?” He made Remy look at him.
"I din' mean t' hurt anybody...." He stopped and looked at Logan. "I didn' hurt you, did I?"
Shaking his head he said, “Y' just fucked with my head a bit... Lucky fer me I got some good shields....”
"Did... did you jus' call me ‘darlin’?’ Jus' now?" he asked with a perplexed look. He didn't want to talk about why he didn't want the Professor or Jean knowing just yet. He wasn't ready to broach the subject.
Shrugging, he said, “Yeah. What of it?”
Remy smiled and shook his head slightly. "I jus'... liked it." He cleared his throat. "I never used it... I didn' wanna use de empat'y. Jus' ends up hurtin' people, even when I don' mean to."
“Why didn't you tell the Professor?”
"'Cause he'd tell me dat I had t' use it... dat it was f' de good of de team an' mankind... an' dat's a bunch o' bullshit." He wasn't too happy about what he thought the Professor would encourage him to do.
Logan frowned. “He wouldn't say that to ya, Remy. He'd understand. He'd help ya control it so this shit wouldn't happen again.”
"I'm sorry it happened, Logan... I usually keep it bottled up in m' so it don' come out. I though I had it under control... but I guess I didn'."
Shaking his head he said, “Remy, if y' just suppress it, it gets worse... Ask anyone. Y' need help.”
Remy frowned deeper than he had been. "I jus' wan' it t' go away."
“It won't, Remy.... It's a part of you. It's part a who y are...”
Remy nodded, wishing he had Sinister take that out of him too, but that was the one thing the mad scientist wasn't willing to remove.
“Hey, Remy....” he said squeezing him, giving a little shake. “Talk to me....”
"Sorry. It's jus' so hard t' accept." He reached out to Logan for a hug. "I'll talk t' Emma... but I'm not sure she could help me."
Pulling Remy against him gently, he didn’t want to upset all the tubes in him. “Y' shoulda told us....” Sighing, he put his nose in Remy’s hair. Logan thought Remy smelled really good.
"I didn' really tink I needed to. Thought I had it under control. I'm sorry, Logan." He liked the way Logan was smelling him. "Everybody's okay, dough, right?"
“Yeah... Everyone knows yer back....” Softly he burrowed deeper into his hair, snuffling hard.
"I don' know why I did dat. I don' remember what happened... could y' tell me again... was I upset?"
Logan shifted a little. “I don' wanna... Don't wanna upset y’ again....”
"Oh," Remy said and looked away. Of course he wouldn't want to bring on another episode like that-- you could have killed somebody, stupid Cajun. "'Course. Sorry." He squeezed Logan’s hand. "Are... are you an' I all right?" he asked tentatively. He wanted to be assured that Logan wasn't mad at him and that they were still friends.
“Yeah.... Yeah, Remy... We're all right....” Except you kinda despise me now...
Remy smiled. "Good. I'm glad." He tried to get the subject back to something mundane. He really wanted this IV out of him, so he asked, "So, where can a guy get some real food in 'im, 'round here?" he asked, gesturing to the IV.
“I'll get y' somethin' darlin’....” He quickly kissed his cheek and got up to get something to feed him. He told Hank that Remy was up.
Logan was fussing about in the kitchen like a bewildered suitor, trying to find tasty eats for the lovely Cajun.
Remy sighed and wished that he could get up, but figured that he needed for Hank to come and release him. He'd probably have to have a big long talk with him too. It was a while before Hank got up to Remy’s room.
Remy looked up as a big blue mountain of fur entered his room. Hank came in, smiling awkwardly. “Good day, Remy.” He shuffled close to him. “How are you feeling?” He put his paw on Remy’s forehead.
"I'm... doin' better. I guess," Remy said shyly. He was embarrassed about having lost his control in front of everyone. That actually had never happened before.
Hank nodded and very, very gently started removing his tubes. “Have you had an attack like this before, Remy?”
Remy shook his head, looking anywhere but at the IV that Hank was removing. It felt weird, like it always had to have those things removed.
Hank carefully lowered Remy’s blanket, needing to get at the catheter. “You know the routine, my friend... Looking away usually helps.”
Remy was way ahead of him. He had never been embarrassed about his body... except at times like these. They made him feel more vulnerable than usual. He knew exactly why, but chose not to think about it. "Jus' hury up," he encouraged.
Hank carefully slipped it out. “There, not so bad... Now, I believe there is a woolly Canadian downstairs trying to make you gumbo,” he said covering him up and making him comfy, sitting on the bed beside him. “Is there anything you wish to tell me before he returns?”
Remy sat up, surprised that Logan would be cooking. Especially something of that undertaking. He looked away from Hank when he brought up telling him anything. "I don' know what happened, Hank. I don'... remember anythin' 'cept goin' t' Harry's, den ridin' back here an' runnin' int' Logan. I tink he was mad at me fer ridin' home drunk," he observed casually, hoping to get Hank off track by telling him how reckless he had been.
Carefully he took Remy’s hand between warm, fluffy paws. “You can recall nothing beyond that? What would have made you so...” frighteningly hopeless? “Upset?”
"D-- did y' feel it, Hank?" Remy asked quietly.
Equally quiet, he said, “I believe everyone in the building did, Remy.”
"Shit!" he swore in a whisper, looking at the floor beyond the bed with a deep frown etched into his face.
“Remy...” he said petting his cheek with soft fur. “It's not your fault... Can you not at all remember what happened?”
Remy shook his head. "Logan an' I were talkin'... but dat's all I remember. But y' wrong 'bout one ting, Hank... It was m' fault," he said seriously.
Hank carefully folded Remy in his arms, gentle but firm. “No. It isn't. And you will not dispute me. It's against doctors orders.” He stroked his hair. He continued softly. “That Logan... A good man, wouldn't you say?”
Remy half chuckled at the doctor's orders. He wasn’t about to tell him how limiting all of his "orders in the name of health" felt, not to mention how unreasonable Hank sounded to demand he not argue his point. He smiled at Hank's comment about Logan though. "Oui, he’s a very good man." His smile was gentle and sincere.
Nodding, he said, “From the moment I met him I said to myself, ‘Never has a man had such a capacity for caring.’ He cares very much for you, Remy. He's already burned himself several times trying to make you gumbo.”
"Y' kiddin'!" he shouted. "It's gon' take 'im hours t' do it. Lemme go down dere an' at least help de man," he said trying to get out of his bed.
Hank had a firm hold of him and kept him in bed, chuckling softly. “No... Remy, you will stay here. Ororo is helping him.” He looked at him acutely. “You are fond of him.”
"O' course I'm fond o' him. He's m' friend. But... why do I need t' stay in bed? I'm not hurt any more," he objected.
“You're weak, Remy... You have to heal, at least have something in your stomach before you stand up. You'd suffer severe vertigo if you were to stand at this moment, no matter how slowly.” Petting his hand he asked, “Remy... Hypothetically speaking... What could have made you react like that?”
"Well... y' said y'self dat I was upset. Logan said Emma was dere. I'd ask her. Maybe she knows."
Sighing he said, “I was hoping you would tell me, Remy.”
"How can I tell y' what I don' know! I don' even remember what Logan an' I were talkin' 'bout." Remy was getting frustrated as he laid there in bed. It was no better than the med lab-- well, almost.
Nodding, he realized he had no hope. “Very well, Remy. I shall let you rest. Logan shall be with you shortly.” Hank gave him one last pet before going to the door. “Call if you need me,” he said and disappeared out the door.
"Hank!" he called to Hank as he was leaving.
Hank popped back in. “Yes?”
"Why don' y' ask Logan what happened. He wasn't drunk."
Nodding a little stiffly, he said, “Of course, Remy.”
Remy hoped that his plan to find out what happened through Hank would work. "Tanks."
Hank disappeared.
Logan came in a while later with hot mitts, hot pads and a hot bowl. “Here, y'are! Fresh, pipin' hot gumbo!” Logan was cradling a soup bowl delicately and put it on his bed side table.
"H-how??" Remy asked amazed.
Logan grinned and shifted a little. “Well... Storm was already makin' some for ya....” He added a little bashfully, “I helped.”
Remy laughed and smelled the soup. "It smells great," he said, smiling. "Tank y', Logan."
Sitting next to him, grinning Logan said, “Sure. Feelin' better? I see you're all unplugged...”
"Yeah, what an adventure dat was," he mumbled unhappily as he blew on his soup. "I'm feelin' a lot better, Logan. I still don' know what came ov' me."
Carefully, he asked, “Will you... talk t' the Professor about it...?”
"Sure, I'll talk to de Professor... when he get's back." Remy was doubtful that the Professor would ever come back, so that was convenient for him.
Smirking, he asked, “Y' talk t' Emma about it?”
"Oui," he sighed. "I'll talk t' Emma." He'd been caught yet again. Not that he would have been able to avoid it for more than a week had he not been pushed into talking to Emma right then. He was hoping that he could at least figure out what happened before he talked to her... and his key to figuring that out... was Logan.
“Well....?” he eyed Remy. “Aren't y' gonna give it a go?” he nodded to the soup. Remy had been waiting for the soup to cool and took a bite of it. Remy savored the burst of flavor and smiled.
"Mmm... dat's really good, Logan.” I haven't had gumbo in way too long. Meaning... about three weeks now. He smiled to himself. It still felt like so long since he was home, but he figured it would always feel that way. As long as he had food like this up here though... he could stay for an arbitrarily long time.
“Heh.” Logan leaned back on his elbows and watched him because he was so beautiful. “What'd Hank say?”
"He wanned t' know what happened. I couln' tell 'im, 'cause frankly, I don' know m'self." Remy seemed a little peeved about not knowing.
Looking away, Logan nodded, feeling like there was an elephant in the room they weren’t talking about. “Yeah...”
"Y’... implied dat y' knew why I was so... fucked up dat night." His question went unasked, but heavily implied.
Shaking his head he said, “I don't know for certain... I just.. .know what we were talking about..... Keep eating,” he instructed as he picked at threads on the bedspread.
"Could y' tell me... would y' mind? I jus'... it feels weird... not knowin' why I hurt a bunch o' people," he said uncomfortably.
Logan took a while, picking at that one thread, then eventually muttered, “We were talkin' bout you ‘n me...”
"Oh," Remy said surprised, straightening. It looked like he was bracing himself. He swallowed, then said, "Y' can tell me. I'm-- I'm ready f' it now." His slightly quivering lip gave away that he was in fact bracing pretty hard for what Logan was about to say.
Looking at him he thought he looked like a scared, poor puppy.... He couldn’t break his heart again—he just couldn’t. He crawled forward and cradled his face, kissing him softly. “Nothin', Remy... Just forget it...”
Remy obviously enjoyed the kiss, but looked at Logan incredibly perplexed. His mouth hung open after the kiss broke. "Um.... I'm confused...." he said frankly.
“Nothin' happened...” He got up. “Y' want some water? That stuff's spicy....”
"Like I couldn' handle all de spice y' could possibly put in dis stuff," he winked at Logan and took another bite. "But I wouldn't mind a glass," he said, just as he had before when Logan left him all night... to get a glass of water for his mate.
Nodding, he said, “Sure,” and hopped downstairs.
Remy finished his soup, not expecting Logan to be back for another day.
Logan was back in less than a minute, handing Remy the glass. “You sure inhaled that...” he commented sitting on the side of his bed again. Remy was surprised that Logan was back so soon and smiled at him. He was hoping that Logan would explain that kiss he gave him earlier, but refrained from asking. He wasn't going to push any more. That would only push Logan away. He was going to try and let things happen naturally.
“So...” he said just starting to massage his feet. “Rogue gets back tomorrow.”
Remy started relaxing into Logan's touch until he heard that. "She call?" he asked, worried.
Logan nodded. “Yeah... Relax, she just wanted to check in with us and say hi... No one told her you're here...”
Remy sighed and leaned against the head of the bed. "Dat's good. Tanks."
“Yeah...” He worked on the balls of his feet, feeling pretty guilty for making him freak out like that. He would do anything to not have him do it again. “So... Can I ask Emma ta come see you later today?”
Remy rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "Oui. Whatever. But if she friggin' asks me about why I freaked out, I'm tellin' her t' come see you, got dat?"
Fidgeting, he asked, “You don't remember... anything?”
"De las' ting I remember was being carried int' dis room by you. Dat's it. I remember dat you were mad at me f' not wearin' m' helmet... den tings jus' go blank after dat." He didn't remember if Logan had found out that he actually crashed on the way home either.
“Remy, I don't...” he said rubbing his forehead. He didn’t want anyone to know what they were talking about. “Remy, what we were talkin' about... it was personal...”
Remy smiled. "De card Scott's gon' pull is dat nothin' stays personal when it effects de team. An' well... dis did. I don' care if y' tell me. Y' obviously worried dat it'll upset m' again. Y' don' even have ta tell her what y' said, but Emma's not gon' stop until she gets told somethin'." Remy sighed and closed his eyes. "I'll do it. I'll tell her dat y' said some'm dat upset me but dat I don' remember what it was."
“But does it matter? Does it matter exactly what happened? Just... It's none of her business...”
"I spose dat's what I'll try an' get way wit'. Send li'l miss nosy up whenever y' ready." Remy sank back against the headboard and closed his eyes. Y' won' even tell me an' it is my business. Remy decided that he was just going to let it go.
Logan sighed and leaned forward. “We were talkin' bout you an' me, Remy.... bein' together...”
Remy blinked as if that should tell him everything... which it didn't. "An’... what did y' say?" he asked, again, bracing himself. "I understan' dat y' don' wanna be wit' m' Logan... Y' said so," he said before Logan could really say anything.
Folding his hands around Remy’s shoulders, nervous he was going to freak out again, Logan said, “You were tellin' me that... That you were attracted t' me... an' I told ya... I told ya I didn't trust ya, Remy... And you just... freaked out....”
Remy's breathing became shallow as he looked at Logan. He swallowed, then nodded, a hurricane of butterflies pounding against his stomach. He felt sick. "I can see why," he said, understanding fully why he would freak out that he said that to him. Remy tore his eyes away from Logan.
“You... You okay, Remy?” Gripping him firmly he asked, “Remy?”
Remy nodded and tried to keep the tears back. "Oui," he said stiffly. "'M fine," although his lips quivered. He was obviously trying to control his emotions, but wasn't doing the best job. "Y' don' have t' be nice t' me, Logan. I'm not gon' freak out again," he said with a frown, now refusing to look at him.
Logan hugged Remy tighter and kissed the side of his mouth and finally planted one right on him. He hated to see him hurting so badly. He stroked his hair. “Remy....” he gave him wet, sloppy kisses.
"Logan," he said firmly and pushed him away. "I don't accept pity," he stated resolutely. Each word was cut off from the last, emphasizing its importance.
Panting a little, Logan looked down at him and thought he looked really nice all curled up in his arms like that but nodded and carefully deposited him back against the pillows.
Remy got up out of bed, refusing to stay still for another moment. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he didn't think that Logan really cared about him just because he freaked out and gave him a peak at his emotions and desperate emotions at that. He planned on going for a walk around the grounds and being alone for a while to cool off. It would probably be good for him to do and come back and assess later.
“Hey...” He got up, following him a little. “Where ya goin', Remy?”
"Jus' f' a walk. I'll be back by tonight. I jus' need... some time alone," he said and walked out of his room grabbing his trench coat on the way out.
Logan resisted the urge to holler, 'if you're going out wear your helmet and put on some thick socks, it's cold out there!'
Remy went to walk around the grounds and avoided people when he could.
Logan was sitting at the table, watching the door. He shouldn't have let him run off like that. Remy wandered back in, shortly before dinner. He had been out all afternoon. Perking up at the sight of him, Logan said, “Remy... Y' cold? Y' look cold...” he took off his denim jacket and puts it around his shoulders. Remy was perplexed by this treatment from Logan, but smiled weakly at him. "Tanks, Logan."
“Y' comin’ fer dinner? Emma's cookin’... Not very appealin’ I know, but Henry'd want y' ta eat.”
Remy sighed and smiled a bit bigger, touched that Logan was trying to make him feel better, but unsure of how to take it. The sentiment of distrust was still fresh in his mind. Logan guided him over to the table, sitting down next to him. “So, where'd you go?”
"Jus' ‘round de grounds. Still pretty windy out dere, non?" he said rubbing his arms through the jackets.
“Yeah... You a... You want me to get ya a blanket or somethin?”
Remy looked at Logan funny. He had only worn a blanket to eat during his first few months after Antarctica. "Non, I'll be all right," he assured.
Sitting back down, he said, “All right... if you say so.” He watched as everyone sat and gave Remy funny glances. Logan glared at anyone who looked at him too long. Remy swallowed uneasily at the table, not meeting anyone's eyes.
Taking the food as it was passed around, Logan dished up some for himself, offering Remy the bowl. “Want some?”
Remy nodded and accepted the bowl and taking a little bit, but not much. He wasn't feeling all that hungry.
Keeping watch on his plate, he would make sure Remy get enough even if it meant accidentally spilling more on his plate and accidentally making him eat it. Remy picked at his food and moved it around, occasionally taking bites from it.
Logan nudged him. “Eat, Remy... Please? Yer too damn skinny.”
Remy nodded and shoved food in his mouth, trying to please Logan. He wasn't really tasting it now anyway. The worst thing that could happen was that he would get so emotionally upset that he would throw it all back up. That prospect wasn’t appealing, but he ate anyway.
Sensing something was deeply wrong with him, he feared he had damaged him in some way and didn’t know how to fix it. He watched him with growing concern. Remy looked up to Logan and smiled, a somewhat brittle and fake looking smile, but he was trying. He really wanted there to be conversation around the faculty table, because he could hear the kids talking about him and he didn't want to hear it.
Logan could hear it, too. He didn’t know if Remy could, but certainly hoped he couldn’t. He started talking to him just in case he could. “Scott's thinkin’ you should take some time off before hittin’ the Danger Room again.” Obviously, duh, Logan, he said to himself.
Remy nearly laughed. "Did he really? Is he gon' have Emma pull m' inside out before den too?"
Swallowing, he said, “Probably.” He wondered if he knew how upsetting it was to experience that pain. “He's worried it'll happen again...”
The anger seeped out of Remy’s voice and he said, quietly, "Yeah… me too."
Carefully he put a hand on Remy’s back and rubbed his shoulder. “We'll figure it out, Remy... Yer not alone in this... Y' got friends...”
Friends? He was obviously nervous, but decided to take a deep breath and calm down before he got out of hand again. "I'll be all right, mon ami. I jus' need t' figure out how t' make good shields dat last, y' know?”
Reaching under the table and grabbing his hand, he whispered, “Maybe its time ya trusted in someone, Remy.”
"I--" did. I did, Logan. I trusted you. But how can I trust y' now dat I kow y' don'.... trust me. Remy looked like he was about to cry. "Maybe dis not such a good topic for de dinner table?" he said, asking Logan to change the subject.
Lowering his eyes, he was suddenly aware of people staring. “Ahhh... Yeah...” He went back to eating but kept a hold of his hand.
Remy squeezed it and let go so he could eat.
Sighing, Logan finished his food and muttered to him. “I'm on dishes tonight.... Can I come up and see you later?”
Remy nodded. He figured they would talk then. He hoped he'd be able to avoid Emma until then. Logan squeezed Remy’s shoulder and went off to clean. Remy got up to leave the hall, but was intercepted by Emma. Remy sighed and went with her. She didn't even have to ask him to come with her.
Still wiping suds on his pants, Logan gently knocked on Remy's door. “Hey, kid? You in there?” There was no response from Remy's room. He started to sniff. He would find him with his nose! He made his way to Emma's office, suddenly uncertain whether or not to go in there. He pricked up his ears to try and hear what was going on inside.
Emma's voice said, "You’re sure?"
He pressed his ear against door, wanting to hear Remy's heartbeat.
Remy's voice said, "Oui. I'm sure. I mean, all I can do is ask, oui?"
"That's true. I'm just wondering what he'll say."
Logan wondered what they were talking about, wanting to know how Remy was doing and what they'd discussed and discovered.
"I'm bracin' f' de worst," he said. "I mean... he doesn' trust me... how could he want to have any sort a’ relationship if he doesn' trust me?"
"But he has been acting very kindly to you," her voice observed.
"Dat's de confusin' part." He sounded a little frustrated.
Logan backed away, sensing that they were talking about him, getting a little nervous. He went to the staircase and sat on the bottom step, waiting for Remy to come out.
It was a few more minutes before Remy came out of Emma's office and he stopped in his tracks when he saw Logan on the staircase. "How much did y' hear?" he asked trembling.
Shrugging, he said, “Nothing really.” He stood and approached him. “You doin’ all right?”
Remy steadied and nodded to him. "Oui, 'm okay. Emma wants t' start doin' reinforcement work as startin' tomorrow. I'm real excited," he said sarcastically. Remy realized that as long as he had been a 'student' here that he had really not learned much from people. He wasn't anxious to start, least of all from Emma.
“Oh...” he said walking up the stairs with him. “That's her only solution?”
"What else is dere?" he asked, wondering if Logan had some insight.
Shrugging he said, “I dunno, kid...” He sighed. “I still think some meditation would do ya good.”
"Not like dere's some magical cure f' bein' a puss," he muttered. "Even meditation." He sighed heavily and looked at Logan. "I'll try it dough."
Logan sighed, feeling really sorry for him. He thought he was looking a bit pathetic at this point. He opened the door for him. “I can turn the heat up in yer room,” he offered.
Remy paused in the door and blinked at Logan. "T'ank you...." he wanted to say something else to Logan, but couldn't figure out what it was. He stepped inside after Logan.
“So... What's on yer mind? Y' keep gawkin’ at me.”
Remy self consciously averted his eyes from Logan. "Sorry," he said. "I jus' keep waitin' f' y' t'... leave." He realized that was put wrong the moment it came out of his mouth. "I mean, I jus' tought... dat y' were upset wit' me. Didn' tink y' wanted t' be 'round me." Remy didn't know where he got that impression from, except Logan refusing him in the hot tub and walking out, but he started to get vague impressions of the evening of their fight. Remy felt the emotions bubbling around inside him and he tried to force them down and contain them. "It's jus' confusin' is all," he said, trying to be strong while he was so turned up-side-down.
“Confusin’? Why?”
"Well," he said feeling a little light headed. "Y' can't all of a sudden trust a nutcase 'cause he freaked out on y', so I wondered why... y' were bein' so nice." He figured that it was simply Logan and everyone else not wanting to have to put up with another episode from him... but Logan seemed sincere. Maybe he just sincerely didn't want a problem again.
“Because… It's my fault I made ya freak out….”
Remy nodded. He was right then. "Well, I'll be fine, so y' don' have t' worry 'bout me any more. I'm not drunk an' I won' lose control again."
Logan shoved him in the chest, knowing how he took that. “I also like y' a bit, y'know.”
"Y—y' do?" he asked a little bewildered.
“What, are ya, stupid, Cajun? Of course I like ya, where've you been these last weeks!?”
Remy's bottom lip quivered. "Real confused," he choked out. He could never figure out how much Logan liked or disliked him.
Blinking, Logan could smell his tears. He put his face in his hands. Jesus, I can't do anything right! “C'mere,” he said and grabbed him, making him bend so his head was on Logan’s shoulder. He wanted to tease him about being hypersensitive, but didn’t want to make him feel worse. “You poor little... kitty.”
Remy chuckled. "Logan... what does dis mean?" he asked into Logan's shoulder, smelling him and nuzzling him.
“It means yer extra fragile and that I need ta treat ya nicer.” And it means you may or may not still be smitten with me. “Y' wanna lie down? Yer kinda tremblin’...”
Remy nodded against Logan's shoulder, but didn't let him go as he moved to sit on his bed. His arms were nearly a vice grip around Logan's ribs and he hoped that he wasn't squeezing too hard.
Logan followed him down, still holding him, and leaned back until he was against the pillows, sort of stretched out on top of him. “Um... I'm probably a bit… heavy,” he said holding himself up to not crush Remy. Remy let Logan readjust, but didn't want him farther than touching.
He managed to wiggle next to him, half on him, half off. “You... Ah... You want me to stay with ya t'night?”
Remy smiled so brightly and so quickly that it shocked his heart. "Oui. I'd really like dat, Logan."
Softly he said, “Okay, then.” He rested his head on Remy’s shoulder, arms around him. “Gonna wanna brush my teeth, though.”
"Y' wanna go get y' stuff an' we have a sleep over, or do you wanna go get ready f' bed now an' come back wit jus' you?" That was really all Remy needed.
“Well... Just let me brush my teeth and—“ he usually slept naked, “change into my… uh... jammies. I'll be right back.” He sat up, crawling over Remy to get out of the bed.
Remy went to get ready for bed too, hoping that this would spell good things for he and Logan, but knowing not to take it fast. They were on the ultra slow track because Remy was fragile. He huffed to himself at the thought of being fragile. He hadn't really been for any amount of time in his life. There had been times when he feared endangering others... and he supposed now was one of those times too. He shook himself out of the past and was back in the present by the time he was done with his nightly routine.
Having changed into some boxers that look like they wouldn't be too uncomfortable to sleep in, and grabbing an extra blanket and pillow—because he suspected Remy was a blanket hog Logan slipped into his bathroom to brush his teeth. He realized this was going to be difficult with Rogue coming back tomorrow. God, he hoped Rogue didn’t walk in on him in bed with Remy. He sighed and finished his nightly routine, grabbing things and padding to Remy’s room half naked. He knocked. “Remy?”
"Oui? Come on in, Logan," he called.
He came in. “Didn't want ta walk in on ya durin’ an awkward moment or nuthin’...” He started smoothing the blanket out on the bed and chucked a pillow next to his.
Remy smiled at him and shook his head. "Awkwardness is all done wit'." Remy was in a pair of sweats.
Smirking at him, he crawled on the bed, creating a serious slope in the mattress. “Y' gonna be warm enough in just those?”
"Should be wit de covers." Remy had a heavy down comforter as well as a few other blankets piled on top of it.
“Ahh... yeah... Just... lemme know if you get cold, I brought an extra blanket, just in case.”
"An' I've got a bed warmer," he said with a secretive smile.
“Y' do?” He almost started to look for the switch, then got it. “Oh.” He grinned at him wolfishly after realizing he was an idiot.
“Unfortunately I'm a heat sink, so I hope y're okay wid dat."
Chuckling, he crawled under the covers. “Betcha I can heat faster than you can... sink... C'mere,” he said holding his arms out to him.
Remy edged into Logan's arms and was true to his word in feeling pretty cool to the touch. "Mmm," he moaned. "Y' a good heater."
“God, yer freezin’.” He started rubbing his hands over Remy’s arms and his back, keeping him pressed to his broad, warm body. “You wearin' socks? Socks usually help...” He could sleep outside in the snow in Northern Canada and still keep pretty warm.
"Dey're uncomfortable on m' feet. Can't sleep wit dem on usually." He had never found ones that didn't bother him because of the seams.
Logan kept rubbing him. “Getting any warmer?” He had no fear of Remy making him cooler because, well... he was a freakin’ radiator.
Remy nodded and snuggled closer to Logan. "Tanks fer stayin' an bein' m' bed warmer," he purred.
“Sure...” He kind a’ cringed at the term 'bed warmer' though, since that was pretty much what he would be to him... No! No! Stop being ridiculous. “G'night, Remy.”
"Logan...?" he asked.
“Mmmhmm?” he asked, burrowing his nose into Remy’s hair.
"Do y' tink I'm jus' a stupid kid?" he asked, curious, hoping that he sounded strong and in control when he asked the question.
Logan sighed heavily. “No, Remy. I don't think yer a stupid kid.”
Remy's relief was nearly tangible and he melted like water into Logan's arms, releasing a soundless sigh. He kissed Logan's neck softly before closing his eyes and falling nearly immediately to sleep.
Smiling a little, he took a moment to enjoy the feeling of just holding him and smelling him when he wasn’t scared or hurt. Stroking him gently and sighing in abject contentment he knew he wouldn’t be falling asleep for a few hours, so he just kept petting him and snuffling through his hair.
********