Title: For the Sake of

Author: Esprit

Rating: Explicit sex!  Rough sex!

Disclaimer: Characters and background history on them belong to Marvel comics and no money was made in the production of this story.

Author Note:  This takes place when the X-Men are captured and taken to the Mojo-verse, early on in Gambit’s time with the X-Men. 

 

 

For the Sake of

 

By: Esprit

 

            The Mojo-verse was a smelly place, Logan observed for about the billionth time.  It stunk for several reasons, but the most notable of those reasons was that they couldn’t get out of it.  The Wolverine huffed, uncomfortably in the cell with his other teammates, pacing, trying to think of a way out of this place.  “Any ideas yet, laser brains?” he asked gnashing his teeth at Cyclops.

 

            “I’m thinking!” he shouted back in his defense.  He had been thinking for three hours straight and he had gotten a headache long ago.  Too bad that the women had been separated from them or he could have asked Jean to help him with the headache.  Thoughts of Jean were a welcome distraction from their present predicament.  He knew that they had to escape from this awful place and find the women and all get back to New York safely, but that was looking to be more and more of a problem, especially now that Mojo himself was lumbering toward them on his spider-walker, with his huge, insane smile and propped open eyes.

 

            “There are my favorite entertainers!” he shouted in that horribly shrill voice of his.  He didn’t bother looking at the collared men assembled as he spoke to them.  In the cell were Logan, Scott, Remy, Hank, and Bobby.  They were all aware of his presence too.  “We have a new program lined up for you—it’ll be smashing!  Absolutely smashing!”  He leered about the cell at the X-Men within.  “We’ll need volunteers now,” he coaxed with saccharine.

 

            “You’re not getting us to play any more of your games, Mojo!” shouted Cyclops bravely.

 

            “Come now, I doubt you’d want to see all of your lady companions dead because you were unwilling to cooperate,” pouted the large green alien, clicking a remote at a hidden screen that popped up an image of the women tied up and laying beneath a hanging weight that was about the size of the Blackbird.

 

            “Jean!” Scott yelled, helpless of course, because he couldn’t even sense her through their connection because of the power suppression collars they were all wearing.  “Let them go!” he shouted at the monster.

 

            “You have to participate in the program first, then we might set them free—depending on your performance, of course.”  He chuckled evilly, “It will be smashing either way.”

 

            “What sort of performance?”

 

            “We’ve just learned that males of your kind can have sex with each other,” he informed Scott with a huge grotesque smile.

 

            “What?  No they can’t,” Scott said contradicting. 

 

            At the side of the room, Gambit snorted in derision.  As much as the situation really didn’t call for the outburst, he couldn’t overcome the irony of a man who was fighting for equality of a minority refusing to acknowledge the existence of a similarly persecuted minority.

 

            “I have it on the best authority,” he said sweetly.  “And if you don’t find a way to do it, then your women will be crushed into jelly!”  He pushed a button on his remote and the chain that held the weight up lowered a few links.  “Tick-tock, tick-tock,” he sang.

 

            “All right!  We’ll figure it out!”  He couldn’t believe that they would have them do something so degrading!  They had to figure out a way out of here before Jean was squished.

 

            “Very good.  You have two minutes to decide who is going to participate in the scene.  It’s on in five,” he said holding his spindly hand up waiving and exited the cell.

 

            “All right, we have to think—damnit!”  Scott’s head was whirling. 

 

            “At this point, Scott, I don’t think it will be possible to avoid the circumstances,” Hank spoke up from behind him.

 

            “What?  No,” Scott said, nervously.  “There has to be a way out of here.”

 

            “Not in time, fearless leader,” Hank admonished.  “Are there any volunteers?” Hank asked looking to the other men in the room solemnly.

 

            “There aren’t going to be any volunteers, Hank!”

 

            “I’ll go, Cyke,” Gambit said from the side, leaning up from his wall.

 

            “….You will not,” Scott said once he got over his surprise… which took about ten seconds.

 

            “Good Lord, Scott, will y’ listen t’ y’self?  We got ‘bout a minute left.”

 

            “How can you suggest that we play along, Gambit?” Scott asked harshly.

 

            Remy strode over to Cyke and whipped out his bo, extending it and rapping Cyclops on the back on the head, knocking him unconscious in one smooth stroke.  Scott’s body fell into Remy’s extended arm.  “How can y’ suggest we not?” he asked to his unconscious leader.  Handing the limp man to Hank, Remy looked to Logan.  “Logan, y’ wit’ me,” he said as he stepped over to the door and braced himself for whatever lay ahead.

 

            “Why’re you givin’ orders, and why me?” Logan asked grumbly.

 

            Gambit looked down at Logan and said quietly, “Y’ de only person I’d trust on dis one,” then looked back at the door knowing that it would open in a few seconds.

 

            “What if I say no?” he asked haughtily, stepping up to the Cajun.

 

            “Relax, Logan.  Ain’ like y’ got de hard job,” he commented just before the doors opened.  They were both grabbed quickly by huge guards and taken to the room where the scene would be played out, which was mostly white—probably so their forms would stand out, Remy thought.  There was a raised block in the center of the white room and Remy could only guess that was where they were supposed to do the deed.  “I need t’ see de director!” Remy shouted to the guard.  The guard turned on the monitor that was hidden in this room and an image of Mojo appeared on the screen.

 

            “Oh, good!  You’ve decided.  Air time is in only two minutes,” he admonished.

 

            “What do you wan’ outta dis scene?” Remy asked.  He needed to make sure they did a good job for them otherwise Jean and the others would all be killed.  He couldn’t let that happen.

 

            Mojo looked to Logan and his iris’s narrowed at him.  “A little furry, don’t you think?  I would have thought you’d use one of your better looking companions.”

 

            “Can it,” Remy said, impatiently.  “Get t’ de particulars.”

 

            Mojo smiled at Remy then proceeded.  “You need to make this scene everything—funny, passionate, suspenseful, dramatic, tragic … you’ll incorporate the action by the nature of the scene,” he said drooling slightly.

 

            Remy was racking his brain for how to incorporate all of those things into a single scene—it would have to be disjointed if all of them were to occur… but they were dealing with emotional two year olds, he reminded himself.  Remy turned to Logan.  “Okay, Logan.  Tink y’ can handle dis wit’ me?”

 

            “I ain’t handlin’ nothin’, bub,” he growled as he sat resolutely on the white block, crossing his arms.

 

            “Damnit, Logan, if we don’ Stormy an’ Jean an’ Betsy an’ Rogue will die!  I know you don’ wan’ dat, so can you please jus’—ignore de fact dat I ain’t a woman?” Remy asked with pleading eyes that held a hint of shame.

 

            “What?” Logan asked perplexed, his eyes snapping up to Gambit’s.

 

            “Please, Logan?” he asked.  Logan tentatively nodded, wondering what the Cajun had up his sleeve and they were told that they were on the air.

 

            Remy swallowed, and stepped away from Logan as he thought, hoping that the others weren’t watching.  This was not going to be his greatest performance.  In fact, it was going to be downright lousy with the dialogue that was running through his head.

 

            Angsty…. 

“Logan… I have t’ tell y’ somethin’….” he said, in the straightest face he possibly could as he came up from behind where Logan sat.

 

            “Yeah?” asked a gruff Logan who was not getting into any character other than his own.

 

            “I’m in love wit’ y’,” he said, as hammed up as he could, but his heart was beating rapidly.  Logan looked sideways at Remy, confused by the sudden pickup in his heart’s pace.

 

            “No, yer not,” he said, still snippy with his arms crossed.

 

            “You won’ believe me, cher?” Remy asked, stepping over to Logan, kneeling and hanging off of an arm that was still crossed with the other.

 

            Well… we need out of this pit, Logan justified to himself.  “Not without… not without some real evidence, Remy,” he said gravely changing the mood of the scene with his voice.  Also, making Remy’s blood rush past his ears with the depth and sincerity of his voice, even though the words were a bit off.

 

            Passionate….

 

            “How can I show y’, Logan?” Remy asked, leaning into Logan’s body space, trying to match his tone of sincerity.  He leaned in closer to Logan’s face, noting how young he looked for being twice Remy’s age at least.  He smelled of cigar smoke and sweat and of all things… aftershave.  Logan must have recently shaved before they were kidnapped.

 

            Logan thought Remy’s heart was fit to burst as they kissed.  Seconds later, he smelled other evidence of Remy’s pounding heart and was a little perplexed at it.  “You know what I need,” he said, baring his teeth, which made Remy’s cock jump in its confines.  He wanted to feel those teeth.  Remy slid down Logan’s body in reply.

 

            What are ya doin’, ya stupid Cajun? Logan asked more to himself than trying to harness the illusive power of telepathy.

 

            Remy worked at the uniform fastenings at Logan’s pants and tugged them down.  Logan, like so many of the X-Men, went commando in his uniform—there just wasn’t much room for anything else in the extremely tight, but protective outfits.

 

            Funny….

 

            Mon dieu, I’m gon’ get it f’ dis one later, he said to himself as he said his next impromptu line.  “To take li’l Wolverine fo’ a walk?” he asked as he dug in Logan’s shorts and tugged on his half interested penis.  At Logan’s growl, Remy licked up his shaft hoping to quell Logan’s anger at the joke.  This was supposed to be funny and most likely disjointed, therefore keeping the viewers occupied. 

 

            Logan’s eyes went wide as he watched Gambit, feeling the heat and slickness of his tongue.  He didn’t want his body to respond on a level that knew that there were others watching—among them most likely his team mates.  On the other hand, Gambit had obviously at least thought about doing this before because he was coaxing a response from him anyway.  Logan couldn’t think of a retort to what Gambit had said, and so just relaxed his legs a little wider allowing Remy room to work. 

 

            Remy dove onto Logan at his sign of acceptance and called on all of his knowledge of the male pleasure centers.  He figured that Logan would like it rough, but decided to build to it, hoping actually to keep the viewers interested as long as possible.  He needed a little bit of time to prepare himself for what was going to happen next. 

 

Hank and Bobby stared at the screen that had changed its view to show them their teammates.  Remy was sucking on Logan, obviously trying to keep an impassive face and Logan couldn’t keep anything approaching impassivity.  His face was more like a study of pain and concentration, but Hank was guessing that it was more trying to mask the immense pleasure.  Scott started to wake up and rubbed the back of his head.  His headache had just gotten ten times worse.  “Awe….” he mumbled.  “My head—“  He was feeling pretty dizzy too.

“Are you all right, Scott?” Hank asked, taking a look at the lump on the back of his head.

“I will be when I get my hands on Gambit,” he mumbled in anger.  “What was he thinking?”

“He was thinking what the rest of us had already figured out—cooperation at this point is going to stall them.  Now, we just have to think of a way out of here with the time he’s bought us.”

“But they were asking us to—“

“I know, Scott.”  He paused.  “You don’t want to know what they’re doing.”

Scott cringed behind his ruby quartz visor and gritted his teeth.  “I told him not to!” he howled.  “Who did he go with?” he asked, as if assessing the damage.

“He took Logan with him.”

“Good choice—Logan can heal.  He’ll be okay,” he said, then looked up at the screen.  He frowned at what he saw Remy doing to Logan.  He hoped that Remy had enough common sense to use Logan who could heal from something potentially very painful like that.

 

            Logan felt the heat building as his body started to buck involuntarily.  “Remy—stop,” he asked, putting a hand on Remy’s shoulder to stall him.  Remy looked up from his task with a serious expression.  Logan could tell he wasn’t happy about the interruption by the scowl on his face.

 

            “What is it, mon coer?” he said sweetly to Logan, although his face was of a completely different caste.

 

            The kid wants out of here, badly.  “You’ve got a sweet mouth,” he said grabbing his jaw, none too gently and standing up.  He was fumbling for words.  He didn’t know where this was supposed to go.

 

            “Let me show y’ de spicy side,” he said and sank back into his task with more vigor in the slightly new position.  He slid his mouth over the hard shaft, his head bobbing and twisting, his tongue working on the inside.  Logan was trembling as his completion neared.

 

            “Ahhh!!!” he cried, almost in surprise, as his body froze, then his hips jutted into Remy’s mouth as he exploded.  Remy stayed on the whole time and Logan thought he was swallowing! 

 

            Remy made sure to continue sucking, so he could get as much fluid from Logan as possible.  He was going to need it if he understood correctly what it was that was being asked of them.  He wished he had a better understanding of what they wanted, but this society in general, from what they’d just gone through, was pretty sadistic, so he had an idea.

 

            Covertly, Remy removed a glove and emptied as much of the slick, gel-like liquid into his palm as he could.  He rose and kissed Logan deeply, and Logan, who was still reeling from the orgasm fell into the kiss, tasting himself on Remy’s mouth.  It was a unique experience, especially as the stubble on Remy’s jaw reminded him that this was a man whose mouth he’d just been enjoying… whose mouth he was still enjoying—Remy was as good of a kisser as the ladies made him out to be.  Remy sucked in a lower lip and nibbled on it, he explored Logan’s teeth, moaning across the canines in particular, he let his tongue and lips play together in a coordinated, intense effort to please.

 

            Logan found that he was hard before long and noticed that the Cajun had been playing with Logan’s nipple and been getting him more undressed with one hand.  Logan must have been very absorbed in the kiss and Remy’s behavior to not have noticed. 

“Logan—undress me,” Remy said quietly to the older mutant.

“What?” he asked, unable to believe that they were going to continue this humiliating charade.

“Logan, don’ you wan’ what’s still wrapped up for you?” he asked loud enough for the camera, but meaningfully to Logan.

“You can’t be serious, kid,” he whispered.  Remy closed his eyes slowly in pain and nodded.  Logan grimaced deeply and started taking off Remy’s coat and uniform.  Everything except the power suppression collar. 

When Remy stood in front of Logan naked, Remy blushed furiously.  He knew what was going to happen, and so did his body.  All of his body, and he was afraid that Logan would question him about it in front of everyone.  Logan didn’t, although he did stare at Remy’s hard length.  Standing up, Logan got out of his trousers the rest of the way and looked like he didn’t know what to do from there.  He didn’t have words, even fake ones, for a moment as awkward as this.

“Remy’s unwrapped, mon coer,” he explained weakly as he tried to keep his voice from shaking, with little success, and knelt at the block.  It was of pretty much perfect height for his hips to rest on, although the block was sharp so it was bound to cut into him.  Remy kissed along Logan’s stomach and down his hips, then licked and sucked at his hard rod again.  He reached around with his wet hand and coated his own entrance with the white stuff, which was rapidly drying.  Bucking his hips into his finger, he hoped to loosen himself up, intrigue the audience, and heat Logan up so he could ignore that this was a man’s ass he was about to have—not a woman’s.

“Remy—“ Logan balked, “I can’t.”

Remy was up and close to him, pressing his body to Logan’s intimately within the heartbeat.  “You’re gon’ say y’ don’ accept Remy’s love?” he asked.  “Y’ gon’ say y’ don’ love Remy?”  Y’ gon’ say y’ don’ care ‘bout dem?  Y’ gon’ let dem die because you won’ be a man any more for havin’ anoder man’s ass, Logan? Remy thought harshly at Logan.  Logan of course didn’t receive it, but he did get the gist from his angry tone and glaring eyes.

“N-no, Remy….” he said, unsure of how to get back to where they left off in this invisible script.  “Let’s see what you’ve got,” he challenged, leaning up to kiss Remy.  Remy’s heart skipped a beat as Logan kissed him.  It was a heartbeat that didn’t go unmissed by Logan and again he wondered at this kid.  The rumor was that he was pretty loose….

In front of the block again, Remy twisted against it to kiss Logan over his shoulder as he maneuvered behind him.  Remy took Logan’s cock in his wet hand and coated it with all the cum he could so he could enter as easily as possible.  Sticking his ass out, he backed onto Logan’s shaft slowly, taking him an inch at a time.  Remy’s breathing was pretty labored as he concentrated on letting Logan into his body.  It had been a long time since he’d done this.

When Logan was seated up to his hilt, Remy moaned and thrashed a little.  “I don’t wanna hurt you, kid,” he whispered to Remy as quietly as he could.

 

            “But dey do,” he responded in a similar voice, knowing that Logan would pick up on it when the cameras might miss it.  He started moving against Logan and fucking him.

 

            Logan was moaning.  Remy was definitely not loose, he determined.  It wasn’t long before Logan started to move on his own at a level that was more basic than volitional control.  His movements in and out of the body in front of him became purely instinctual.  Remy was thrashing and crying as much as Logan was within a few moments.  “You like that, kid?” Logan asked in a rough voice, not meaning to sound like a porn star, but the question just came out that way.  He was seriously curious about whether or not Remy liked it because of the way he was writhing and sighing.

It was shortly after the question, that Remy didn’t respond to, after Remy had gotten pleasure, that the cum had absorbed into his skin and Remy began getting uncomfortable.

 

            Within thirty seconds of discomfort, Remy’s ass was on fire and he was hissing as he took in his breaths.  “Remy?” Logan asked quietly into his ear.

 

            “Don’t stop.  Whatever happens, don’ stop.  Dis is what dey wanted,” he whimpered quietly.

 

            “But I’m hurtin’ ya—I know it,” he objected, slowing his pace.

 

            “Logan, fuck me!” he shouted to the cameras and cried out wordlessly at his pain.  Logan started ramming into him harder, hoping that this was okay.  The ride started getting smoother again, but then Logan smelled blood and cringed.  He didn’t want to look down to see how bad it was—he would chicken out then, and Remy wanted this… wanted to save the women anyway, and this was the only way to prolong their lives.

 

            Tragic….

Remy felt like he was being ripped open and was getting dizzy from the pain.  Deliriously, he started saying, “Whatever y’ do—don’ stop,” in a whisper, then started shouting out, “Logan, stop; you’re hurtin’ me!  Stop!” in a begging tone.  “Please!  Logan! AHHHH!!!!” he shouted at the top of his lungs before he finally collapsed over the block.  Logan continued to fuck into his limp and bleeding body, trying to concentrate on the feelings that he got from the tight chute in front of him, closing his eyes, trying to find a place inside him that he could keep fucking the unconscious body.  When he found it, he jumped into the mindset as if it were a life raft, crying in his mind’s eye as he let the animal mindset carry him away.

 

            Logan leaned over the unconscious man and bit deeply into his shoulder, causing blood to trail down his it matching the trickle that made its way down his thighs.  The animal heaved and grunted, lapping at Remy’s blood and fucking into his ass until he thrust one final, hard time and howled at the top of his lungs as he finally came.

           

 

            Remy woke in a familiar place with the familiar feeling of an IV in his arm.  He hated that familiar feeling, but the familiar surroundings made it monumentally better than waking up in… say Sinister’s lab.  He hated when that happened and shuddered at the memory of it.

 

            Remy heard a relieved sigh over in the corner and looked over to see Hank’s blue furry figure in his lab coat.  “Gambit!  You’re awake!”  His voice changed from an excited tone to a deeper timbre as he said, “I’m so glad,” and by the pity in his voice, Remy knew that they had seen what happened between Wolverine and him.  Remy frowned and pointedly didn’t look at Hank.

 

            “So, y’ gon’ get dis ting outta me, or do I have t’ stay here f’ de rest o’ m’ natural born life?”

 

            “Well, Gambit, you should still rest for—“

 

            “I’ll god damned rest in m’ room, damnit!  Get dis ting outta me!”  Hank sighed at Remy’s behavior and stepped over to his bedside.

 

            “I wouldn’t go sporting that attitude around Logan, if I were you,” he said gently as he unhooked the IV from Remy’s arm.

 

            “Oh?  Why not?” he asked, tentatively, hoping Logan wasn’t too mad about everything that happened.  He would be scared if Logan was mad at him about trying to save everybody’s asses.

 

            “Logan is… rather concerned… about what he did to you.  I do not think it would behoove his humor for you to express your anger to him.  He was very distraught when he came back to himself.  He is very sorry for having done this to you, Remy,” Hank explained gently.

 

            “When he came back to himself?  What happened?” he asked, his tone becoming less irritated.

 

            “He went feral—which was the entire reason we were able to escape, actually.  He explained over and over again how you wouldn’t let him stop.”

 

            “’S okay, Hank.  I’m not mad at him.  De girls make it all right?” he asked.

 

            “Everyone made it.”  Remy nodded.

 

            “Bien.  Can I get outta here now?” he asked impatiently, although more civilly than he had before.

 

            “Of course,” he said and finished taping up Remy’s arm.

 

            “Tanks,” Remy said and rolled out of bed, wearing the light green pajamas Hank called lab clothes.  As soon as Remy landed he regretted getting up so quickly.  He hissed as an intense wave of dizziness and pain overcame him and sank back onto the table, pointedly avoiding setting his rear on it, and so rested by his elbows instead. 

 

            “Shall I carry you, Gambit?” Hank asked.  “Or would you like a wheel chair?”

 

            “Last ting I need is t’ sit, tanks,” he said annoyed.  He just wanted to lie on his stomach for an eternity.  “I can make it,” he said and straightened.  He wasn’t pleased about the amount of pain that he was feeling—it meant there was real damage.  He took a few more steps, cringing at each one.

 

            “Would you like to hear your prognosis?”

 

            Remy cringed again and heaved out a, “Sure—knock y’self out,” as he stepped toward the particularly illusive Medical door.

 

            “You have three stitches that will dissolve by themselves over time.  You had other, minor lacerations that I could not suture and the entire area is going to need constant lubricating with an anti-bacterial cream that should help ward against infection.  I gave you an intravenous anti-biotic and I have some pills that should finish off the regimen that you will take at each meal.  The bite on your shoulder should heal nicely if kept clean and the bandage fresh. 

“You were suffering from shock when we found you, but you seem to be fine now.  You lost a surprising amount of blood and so I would think you’ll be experiencing some disorientation and lethargy until you can replenish your blood levels.  I suggest plenty of rest and little exercise until the wounded area healed.  You are, of course, on the Inactive Duty List until I can certify that you are ready to resume your duties.”  Remy had reached the Medical door and hobbled through it, headed for his room.  “Remy, please, let me carry you to your room if you insist on going there.”  Hank had been convinced that Remy would change his mind and come back to rest in the Medical beds when seeing how painful the walk to his room was going to be, but he supposed that the Cajun's desire to get out of the place was even stronger than his pain.

 

            Remy sighed and heaved against the wall.  He nodded and allowed Hank to pick him up to carry him to his room.  Being moved at all hurt, but not like having to walk under his own power had.  He didn’t make a sound for Hank’s benefit though.

 

            As they were making their way past the Rec. Room, Logan poked his head out after them and asked, “Remy?”

 

            Remy looked over Hank’s shoulder as Hank stopped.  Remy kept looking at Logan to gauge his degree of upset as Hank turned to face Logan.  “Shouldn’t you be in Medical?  Hank said you wouldn’t heal for a couple of weeks….”

 

            “He… hadn’ gotten to dat part yet,” he said shyly, looking at the floor.

 

            “You most certainly will take several weeks to heal, Remy—this is a big deal.”  Remy waived it off with a hand motion as if he were casually shoeing away a fly.

 

            “You… feelin’ all right then, kid?” he asked, tentatively.

 

            “Remy jus’ peachy, homme.”  Well, what was he supposed to say?  No, Logan, I’m in a world o’ hurt because y’ had too much fun?  “Catch y’ later, oui?” he asked in segue way to their departure. 

 

            Logan felt relieved that Remy didn’t seem mad at him, but this was also odd.  He seemed… indifferent to him.  He hadn’t been expecting that.  He had been hoping that the young man would clarify his feelings, if he had any for Logan so that Logan wouldn’t have to keep second guessing the boy.  He had been debating with himself for two days on how Remy felt and could come up with nothing since the mutant had been unconscious.  He found that when even in his feral mode, he was very protective of Remy.  So much so that he wouldn’t even let his teammates near him until he calmed down. 

Remy had been so… sweet.  So good, so convincing in his expression of sexual care that Logan hadn’t been able to tell if any of what had happened in that white, pristine room was an act.  He had been aroused by Remy’s behavior before they made love and he could have sworn that Remy was missing heartbeats—he was definitely feeling aroused as well because Logan had smelled it on him and seen Remy’s hard rod before it had even been touched… in fact he didn’t think Remy’s cock did get touched. 

Logan wasn’t even sure if he liked Remy or not, so it was hard for him to figure out what to do at this point.  He wanted to apologize to Remy, but didn’t know how well that would go over and the he seemed kind of occupied at the moment.  He promised himself that he would go and see the kid to apologize later on today, even if the Cajun didn’t accept it.  Remy would probably be able to use some company about then too.

It was late afternoon when Logan decided that he would go up and see the boy.  Knocking gently on his door, he received a muffled reply from within.  “Remy?  Can I come it?”

The next muffled reply sounded affirmative as opposed to inquisitive and Logan walked in on cue.  Remy was facing the foot of his bed, on his stomach with a pillow under his hips and leaning his head kind of off the edge of the bed.  He propped himself up on his elbows and smiled at Logan shyly.  It looked more like a cringe to Logan and that made him nervous.

“Uh… I take it yer not feelin’ so hot,” Logan said judging the way Remy looked.

Remy snorted at him and rolled his eyes.  “I ain’ dyin’,” he said.  Everyone was treating him like he was not only physically invalid, but emotionally crippled as well.  What was the deal?

They thought he was raped—that’s what.

What a crock.  If anything, Logan was raped.

“Well, I know that… but I wanted to apologize anyway.  It really should have been me who did that—“ he said gesturing in Remy’s general direction, implying that he was the one who should have gotten injured.

“Logan, y’ cringed at doin’ de penetratin’.  What makes y’ tink y’ could take it.”

That comment gave him pause and he rolled the point over in his head.  “You… you did that on purpose?”

“I volunteered, din’ I?” he said as if that should answer his questions.

“You knew I was the most logical choice,” Logan pointed out.

“O’ course.  Everybody knew dat.  Dat’s probably why dey gave us de little assignment; to get off on de Wolverine bein’ submissive.”

“You took the fall fer me?” he asked narrowing his eyes.

 

            Remy looked away at Logan’s angry tone.  He didn’t think he’d get angry about it once it was explained.  “I couldn’… let y’ go through somethin’ like dat.  Couldn’ let anybody….” he faded off, looking at the floor again, rather shyly.

 

            Then it dawned on Logan.  “You been through this before, haven’t you?”

 

            “Well, not ‘xactly dis, but I knew how painful it could be.”   I knew how good it could feel too, he finished to himself clearing his throat.

 

            “I… fer what it’s worth, Remy, I didn’t mean t’ hurt you.”

 

            “I know y’ din’,” he said wistfully remembering that he had taken some convincing to participate at all and how much he had been concerned.  “But, hey, it worked, oui?”  Logan nodded.

 

            “Yeah, it worked….” he said.  But how much did it cost you, Remy?  How much did it cost all of us?  Rogue wouldn’t touch you again even if she could, he noted, knowing that she was a ‘proper southern woman.’  Bobby was probably traumatized for life and Scott… Scott was probably going to come up here and rip open Remy’s stitches as soon as he found out the kid was awake.  “I just can’t believe you did that for us,” he said almost in awe.

 

            “Y’ don’ ‘ave t’ believe I did it f’ you,” he said matter-of-factly.  “You could believe dat everytin’ in dat room I did ‘cause I wanted to,” but then he would be fooling himself, if he believed that, just like Remy was fooling himself to think that Logan cared for him in a way that had anything to do with sex.

 

            Logan didn’t know how to respond to that statement.  It almost sounded like Remy was offering an alternate explanation, but… why would he want to do that?  “Yer just tryin’ ta make me feel less guilty about it,” he observed casually and Remy smiled in response.

 

            “O’ course.  What’re friends for, non?” he said with the waive of a hand.

 

            “Listen, you need anythin’ an’ you call me, okay?  I don’t want you wastin’ away up here ‘cause people’re ignorin’ you.”

 

            “Stormy’s bound t’ come up an’ pamper me, so don’ worry too much.”

 

            “Yeah, but she’ll pamper you vegetarian.  I’ll cook somethin’ for you, you can wrap yer teeth around,” Logan said encouragingly.

 

            Remy nodded accepting.  “Tanks, Logan.  I appreciate everytin’ y’ did for me.”  Everythin’, he emphasized to himself, but didn’t repeat it.  He was grateful that Logan was so concerned for him when they were in the midst of their predicament and afterward. 

 

 

Chapter Two

 

            Scott had given Remy a few hours to rest alone before marching up to his room to give him a piece of his mind.  Remy heard the heavy, angry steps and counted down the seconds until Scott pounded on his door.  Trois, deux, un.  KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!

 

            Remy smiled to himself and called lightly, “Door’s open.”

 

            Scott opened the door angrily and went to stand in front of it, having closed it behind him.  “Gambit… you disobeyed me,” he said gravely.

 

            “Oui,” Remy said casually, accepting the fact of what he had done.

 

            “I need you to be able to follow my orders, Gambit,” he said, sighing to himself.

 

            “Cyke, dere were lives at stake!  You always say how it’s people dat matter most—“

 

            Scott held up a hand to forestall Remy further.  “I spoke with the Professor about it.  We both agree that… under the circumstances, you did the right thing.”  Remy’s jaw dropped in shock.  “You gave us time to think of a way out and you got Logan out there to help us.  Personally, I—“  Scott looked like he was having trouble with words.  “I can’t thank you enough for saving my wife, Gambit.”

 

            Remy nodded.  “Y’ welcome.” 

 

            “With that said, I would like you to use your head a little more,” he said going back to his berating of Remy’s performance.  “You should have had Logan take the damage,” he said.  “He could have healed from it and we wouldn’t be down a member now.”  Scott was about to go on when Remy interrupted him this time.

 

            “No, Scott y’d be down two.  Logan wouldn’a been able t’ take dat,” he said objecting.  “He’d ‘ave ripped me t’ shreds an’ been outta de mansion f’ who knows how long even if we did all get back here alive.”  Remy shook his head.  “Yer an insensitive prick, y’ know dat?”

 

            Scott stiffened.  “What?”

 

            “Get out, Scott,” he said, unwilling to deal with him any longer.

 

            “What did you call me?”

 

            “I said dat yer an insensitive prick—d’ I have t’ add stupid t’ de list?”  Straight as a board, Scott left Remy’s room, unable to stay because he’d been asked to leave private quarters, but wanting to stay and argue the point with him further.

 

            Remy sighed and plopped his torso onto the bed, letting his arms dangle over the edge.  Sometimes, he was surprised at Scott—both pleasantly and otherwise.

 

 

            Scott went to the Professor’s office again, after having had his little talk-gone-awry in Gambit’s room.  He hadn’t been expecting Remy to berate him when he… berated Remy.  Stepping into the Professor’s office with a perplexed look on his face, the Professor smiled tentatively at Scott.  “I take it your talk with Gambit didn’t go exactly as you planned?”

 

            Scott shook his head.  “He said something to me, Professor… that I didn’t expect.  He told me that Logan wouldn’t have been able to take the pain that Gambit had in the Mojo-verse… do you think that’s true?”

 

            “I don’t know, Scott.  I have heard that the particular type of pain that Gambit was enduring is particularly difficult to handle for psychological reasons as well as the rarity of it.  Having never experienced it myself, I don’t know if this is the case, but it is certainly a possibility with Logan.  It is not uncommon for psychological barriers to be the main hurdle to overcoming pain.”  He knew more than he was telling Scott.  He knew that if a man were tense while accepting penetration that it would only make things worse and that relaxing was a feet engaged consciously.  It was in fact, quite likely that Logan would have been uncertain how to deal with being penetrated and it would have damaged him psychologically.

 

            “So his assessment—“

 

            “Was at least safer when comparing what he felt he could handle to the unknown.”  Scott nodded and sighed.

 

            “Am I insensitive, Professor?” he asked a little nervously.

 

            Xavier smiled at him overhearing in his mind what Gambit called him up in his room.  “No, Scott.  You simply didn’t have all the information you needed in order to make the call as Gambit did.  Surely you would have made the same decision had you known that Gambit could deal with the situation better than Logan could have.”

 

            “I… think I would have… but I don’t know.  I’m always looking at the numbers….”

 

            “That isn’t a bad thing to have in mind, Scott.  Your job is the most difficult of them all and you have to make choices with all the facts that you have.”

 

            Scott nodded.  “I’m still mad that he hit me,” he grumbled.

 

            Xavier nodded gravely.  He hadn’t been happy to hear that he had been hit either, but it was the only way that Gambit felt he could assert power over Scott to free them up.  Xavier would have a talk with Gambit about necessary and unnecessary violence among teammates when he was better.  At the moment, he wanted to have a talk with Logan.  Of all of his students, he considered Logan most like a friend and equal.  He let Scott go and asked Logan to come and see him.

 

            Logan was there in about five minutes, taking his time to come and see the man.  When Logan arrived at his door, he opened it up without knocking and sat down casually in front of the Professor’s desk.  “What’s up, Chuck?” he asked.

 

            Charles didn’t usually like the nickname, but he tolerated it.  “I just wanted to see how you were feeling,” he said amiably.

 

            “I ain’t the ones with stitches in my ass,” he said gravelly with a hint of anger.

 

            “I wasn’t speaking about your physical health, Logan, as I’m sure you know.  You came very close to being in Remy’s situation—even though you would have healed from it, it is not a… pleasant experience.”

 

            “I don’t figure it is,” he said simply.

 

            “And?”

 

            “And what, Chuck?  Yer tryin’ ta psycho-analyze me, but I don’t much feel like bein’ examined.”

 

            “I simply wanted to make sure that you were not feeling… used,” he put mildly.

 

            “Used?  Me?  The kid took the fall fer me and you think I would feel used?”  He snorted at the Professor.  “I think you got it a little backwards, Chuck.”

 

            “I’m going to make sure that Remy does not feel similarly, but given that the… encounter was under duress, Logan, I need to make sure that you are both emotionally healthy.”

 

            “Neither of us is emotionally healthy, so good luck sortin’ the mess out,” he said bluntly.  “I know ya wanna save us, Chuck, but it’s just too late.  We have too many things in our pasts and on our plates ta not feel used, an’ like a stinkin’ pile o’ shit, so leave the kid an’ me alone,” he warned.

 

            Xavier took that under advisement, and knew that Remy was likely to feel similarly about any form of therapy, but decided that he would at least broach the subject with the young man.  It was the least he could do, but he would let Logan go, knowing that he felt he could handle whatever feelings he would have from the encounter and its ramifications.  “All right, Logan.  Thank you for seeing me about it, though.”

 

            Logan nodded and stood up to leave his office without much of a farewell.

           

 

            The X-Mansion was equipped with elevators all around so that the Professor would not be unable to access any corner, or level of it.  This meant that bright and early in the morning, Professor Xavier decided to visit Gambit’s room to talk with the injured young man… since he couldn’t very well get to the Professor’s office.  The knock on Remy’s door was light and didn’t wake him at first.  Groggily, Remy roused at the second knock.

 

            “Oui?” he called to the door.

 

            “May I come in, Gambit?” the Professor’s voice called muffled through the door.

 

            Remy sighed and propped himself up on his elbows, still leaning over the end of his bed, on his stomach.  “Sure,” he called gently and faced the door.  The Professor opened it and floated in noting the small space there was for his chair and himself.  He was barely able to fit in the room.  He had a little trouble closing the door behind him, but he managed it, considering he was going to need privacy for this discussion.  “Help y’?” he asked.

 

            “No, I’ve got it.  You shouldn’t get up in the condition you’re in.”

 

            Remy smirked.  “Non, I meant, what do you want?”  The question would have seemed unfriendly if not for the charming smile that was on his face while asking it.

 

            “Oh,” Xavier said as he let go of the door knob and folded his hands in his lap reflexively.  “I was informed of what happened while you and the X-Men were kidnapped,” he began.

 

            “Y’ here t’ scold me too?” he asked, looking at the ceiling, asking whatever deity might be listening to spare him.

 

            “No…  Did Scott scold you?”  Remy shrugged.

 

            “He jus’ bein’ a—“  He stopped himself from finishing his portrayal of Cyclops and cleared his throat.

 

            “Yes, I heard your description of him earlier.”  Remy looked at the floor.  Xavier had picked up the stray thought when Scott had been brooding over the name Remy had called him.  “My primary concern this visit was to make certain that you were… stable,” he said for lack of a better term.

 

            “Stable?  Ain’ much more stable dan lyin’ on y’ front,” he explained to Xavier with a slight smile.

 

            Xavier smiled back at Remy and elaborated, “I’m sure you know that I didn’t mean that.  Rape is a difficult thing to cope with.”

 

            Remy’s face lost all of its light humor and he glared at Xavier.  “It wasn’t rape.  If you go pinnin’ words like dat on Logan, you’ll be awfully sorry when I’m done wid y’.”  That was the closest thing to a threat that Xavier had heard from Gambit since the young man joined their ranks.  He didn’t know that the thief could be so protective.

 

            “I had not mentioned the word to Logan, Gambit.  And I won’t use it again.  I apologize.”

 

            Remy seemed to cool down considerably at hearing the apology and nodded to the Professor.  “T’ answer y’ concerns… I don’ regret anythin’ I did,” he said bravely.

 

            “I’m glad that you have that resolve, but that kind of pain—“

 

            “Prof, I know all about rape an’ victimization.  Dis ain’ a case o’ dat,” he tried to explain.

 

            “Oh?”  Remy nodded.

 

            “If anybody got raped, it was Logan,” he mumbled.  Remy looked away from the Professor again and swallowed.  Logan would never have done that under normal circumstances.  Remy’s face betrayed his feelings and Xavier started to get an idea of why this wasn’t rape and why Gambit was taking it so well.

 

            Xavier scrambled for words.  “Logan doesn’t see it that way,” he explained.

 

            Remy closed his eyes.  “I’m glad,” he said tightly.  “So now dat y’ know I’m okay… mind if I ask t’ be alone?”

 

            Xavier nodded and started to open the door, but changed his mind.  “Does Logan know how you feel?” he asked.

 

            Remy’s brows drew together over his closed eyes, in pain or in confusion, Xavier didn’t know.  “He knows dat I’m okay,” he nodded.

 

            “But he doesn’t know about your feelings for him,” he assessed.

 

            Gambit’s eyes flew open and he glared at Xavier again, his eyes glowing hotly.  “What feelin’s?!” he demanded.

 

            “I’m sorry… I got the impression that you might be attracted to him.”

 

            “Y’ impression’s way off,” he grumbled and he flopped down onto his arms, now folded under his chin.  He racked his brain for a way that the words that came out of his mouth just now wouldn’t be a lie… and found one, clinging to it.  He had never lied to the X-Men and he wasn’t about to start… but lies of omission and lies of technicality were his specialty.

 

            “I see.  Excuse me then,” he said as he finished opening the door and headed out.

 

            Remy rubbed his face into his arms after Xavier left and chided himself for saying the wrong things to him.  He didn’t want him to go blabbing to Logan that Remy liked him—Logan would have reason to be mad then.  Heck he might even think that Remy was the one to put the bug in Mojo’s ear, which he hadn’t.  He really hoped that Xavier believed him when he said he wasn’t attracted to Logan and kept his mouth shut.

 

 

            Logan had been on his way to Remy’s room with a tray of breakfast in hand, but stopped when he got to Remy’s door because he heard voices.  He was going to knock and go in anyway, until he heard what the voices were saying.  “Does Logan know how you feel?” asked the voice of the Professor.  Logan stopped a little taken aback by the question.

 

            He heard another mumble and then the Professor said, “But he doesn’t know about your feelings for him.”

 

            “What feelin’s?!” he heard an angry voice ask and identified it as Remy’s.

 

            “I’m sorry… I got the impression that you might be attracted to him,” the Professor’s voice ventured.  Logan’s heart thudded against the confines of his chest at the implication.

 

            “Y’ impression’s way off,” Remy grumbled to him.  Logan was stung more than he expected to be.  He had known that Remy wasn’t attracted to him… or at least had been telling himself that even before the young man woke up.  It had been implied to him during the conversation he had with Remy when he woke up too.  Hearing it bluntly out of Remy’s mouth made his stomach sink though.  After examining his feelings, he didn’t even know why he felt that way—what, did he want Remy to have a crush on him? 

He heard the Professor saying something he wasn’t paying attention to, but when he heard the door opening, he shifted quietly to beyond the view of the door so Remy wouldn’t know that he was there.  When Xavier floated out into the hallway and noticed him standing against the wall with a tray in hand, he shifted his hands under the tray and lifted a finger up to his lips in a gesture of quiet.  Xavier closed the door behind him after composing his surprise and headed toward the elevator, with Logan following him silently.  They rode down the elevator together, Logan being very still.

 

            “I take it you heard that,” Xavier said gravely.

 

            “It was an accident, Chuck.  I didn’t mean t’ eavesdrop.”  He took the tray from the elevator when it stopped and decided to wait for a while before bringing it up to Remy a second time.  Charles went to his study to make the appropriate notes in his files about Remy’s reaction to the whole situation.

 

 

            It was a good half an hour before Logan thought Remy might be wanting some food.  He was holding his breath as he went up the stairs, and he didn’t know why when he got to the room.  He knocked gingerly and waited for the reply.  He heard a sniffle from the other room and raised his eyebrows at it.  Then, the completely controlled voice of Remy came through.  “C’min.”  Logan opened the door and stepped through with the tray balanced on his arms.

 

            “Hey, Cajun.  You in the mood fer some protein?” he asked setting a tray of reheated eggs, sausage, and some hashed browns down on the bed beside him.  His head was still at the foot of the bed.

 

            “Sure could use it,” he smiled.  Logan didn’t miss the slightly red, puffiness to Remy’s eyes, but decided to not pry too much.  He sat down at the foot of Remy’s bed so they could be more level with each other.

 

            “You holdin’ up okay?” he asked.  He didn’t think he would ever stop asking him that now.  He felt… responsible still for what happened to Remy.

 

            “Oh, oui.  I’m fine, really, Logan,” he assured, although the throbbing in his ass that had been there since he woke up wouldn’t go away.  It was really uncomfortable.  He guessed that he had probably strained the stitches when he got up to move around yesterday. 

 

            Logan looked at him and could only imagine that it hurt like hell.  “Did Hank give ya pain killers?”  Remy looked over at Logan a little surprised.

 

            “I… didn’ ask f’ any.”  Remy in fact refused them when Hank had come in to check on him yesterday evening.  He didn’t like pain killers.  They made him unaware of what was going on in his body.  Sinister had drugged him up so much he hadn’t been able to feel a thing just before the surgery was preformed… and Creed gave him a good swipe through the arm—to see if it was working.  Remy shuddered at the image of all that blood… and the creepiness that it was his blood, but there was no pain.  Sinister had put him under then, after he healed, and he was able to work on him under the general anesthetic.

 

            “It must hurt…” Logan commented.  He knew how much blood was coming from him—he had been told how many stitches Remy had.

 

            “Don’ worry ‘bout it, Logan.  Remy’ll be back on his feet before y’ know it.”  Remy turned to the food Logan brought him.  “Dis smells good,” he said as he shoved some eggs and sausage into his mouth.  He moaned at the tastiness of it.

 

            Remy’s moan caused Logan’s heart to jump.  He was reminded vividly of Remy moaning that way while they were kissing.  That made Logan pretty uncomfortable as his body responded to the memory.  “I uh… should probably leave ya t’ rest, kid.  Let me know if ya need anythin’ else.  I’ll come get yer dish in a couple of hours,” he said fighting the image of Remy sucking his pulsating shaft.

 

            Remy set the plate aside after Logan left.  He had been perplexed as to why he was leaving, but figured that he just made Logan uncomfortable, and he probably still felt guilty for having put Remy in this position.  Remy didn’t feel like eating any more, and he left the plate to cool.

 

            Logan went to his room when he couldn’t stop thinking about Remy.  The kid was the epitome of male beauty and having him kneeling in front of him was something he never would have imagined before… but having him suck on him was just so erotic.  As hard as he tried, he couldn’t shake the image and he figured that he would have to do something about it, because he had Danger Room practice in an hour.

 

            Deciding a cold shower would be best, he ran the water and held his finger underneath to check the temperature.  If he didn’t know better, he’d say Bobby was freezing the pipes again.  He braced himself and jumped under the cold spray, shivering, and shrinking, as he soaped up.  The whole time, he was chiding himself mercilessly about having thoughts like that about a male team mate.  He was out in plenty of time for practice and decided that after his session he would go up and grab Remy’s plate from him and see if he couldn’t entertain the boy.  He was probably bored out of his skull up there.

           

 

            Scott had asked Logan a question he hadn’t had to ask in quite some time.  “Where is your head, Logan?”  It was a very sternly asked question and Scott let up when he got a telepathic reprimand from his wife. 

 

            Scott, he’s preoccupied about what happened in the Mojo-verse.  It’s obvious even without telepathy.  You really should go easy on him.

 

            Scott mentally sighed, then looked back at Logan.  “Look, Logan… why don’t you take the rest of the day off?” he said dismissing him.

 

            “What?” Logan asked, floored.

 

            “Go and—rest.  Relax.  Just—go,” he said waiving to the Danger Room doors.  If he was going to interfere with the simulation, then there really wasn’t any point in having him there.  “Okay, everybody.  From the top.  Regroup.”  Scott went back to directing the teams like nothing happened and expected Logan to leave without fuss.

 

            Logan stood there for a minute, unable to believe that he had been asked to leave a Danger Room session.  He was more shocked that his performance dictated he be asked to leave.  He was feeling pretty lost, especially since he couldn’t seem to get Gambit off his mind.  If he wasn’t thinking about how good the kid’s ass was during those moments where Remy seemed to enjoy it too, he was worrying about his health.

 

            After he finally got himself together, he left the Danger Room and went up to check on Remy.  If he was thinking about him so damned much, the least he could do was go and talk to the poor kid.  He stopped in his room to change really quickly and went over to Remy’s room and knocked again. 

 

            “Hmmm?” came weakly from the other side of the room.

 

            “Hey, Cajun—you alive in there?” he asked jokingly.

 

            “Still kickin’,” he called.

 

            “Can I come in?” Logan asked.  He wasn’t going to be satisfied until he saw the kid’s face.  An affirmative grunt, and Logan was in the room.  Remy was lying on his bed, with his head resting on his forearms crossed underneath him.  “You look bored as hell,” he commented and Remy’s lips curled slightly.

 

            “I don’ have any doctor approved distractions,” he said wryly.

 

            “Hunh.  Well, I could try an’ scrounge up some books for ya,” he said, but then he noticed the plate of food still resting next to Remy.  “Hey… aren’t ya gonna eat?  Ya need yer strength, Remy.”

 

            Looking away from Logan, Remy tried to brush it off, but he didn’t really have an excuse.  “I jus’—“ he tried to explain, but nothing would come out.

 

            Logan knelt next to Remy and looked at his face again.  His eyes didn’t hold the evidence of past tears any more, but it had been about an hour and a half since he last saw him.  “Remy…” Logan said.  He didn’t know how to put this.  He wanted to offer a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to him, but he didn’t want to sound like the Professor.  He knew that Remy was just as private a man as he was… but they had shared an experience that was… pretty powerful, for the both of them.  “I… know you were cryin’ earlier,” he said, kind of out of the blue.  Remy looked back at him instantly.  “I ain’t pryin’… but I wanted ta let ya know… how sorry I am—“ and Logan found himself choking up.

 

            Remy’s eyes searched Logan’s and they squinted in pain.  “Logan… y’ don’ have ta be sorry.  At all.”  He was quiet a moment.  “I feel more sorry f’ you dan I do f’ me,” he said.

 

            What?  “Why?” he asked with a knot quickly developing in his throat.

 

            “I asked y’ t’ do somethin’ dat y’ never wanted ta do… dat shamed y’….”

 

            “Remy—“ he was about to say that he wasn’t ashamed… but he was.  He was ashamed of what little control he had over his body.  He was ashamed at having reacted that way to a man’s body.  He was ashamed that his team mates saw him doing it.  “It was worth it,” he said instead.  And it was, wasn’t it?  They got the girls back alive and they escaped from that crazy hell hole.

 

            Remy’s hands clenched in the covers and he closed his eyes tightly.  His heart squeezed in his chest and he wasn’t sure he would ever breathe again.  “Hey,” he heard Logan consoling and felt his hand brush over his clenched ones.  He didn’t want Logan touching him out of pity.  He clenched the covers tighter and Logan backed off physically.  “I’m dealin’ with it just fine.  Nobody’s been a dick so far, an’ I don’t think they’re gonna be.”  Remy nodded.  He was relieved that Logan wasn’t getting a hard time from everyone else.  His hair fell in his face so he could hide, nominally, from Logan.  “You gonna tell me why y’ain’t been eatin’?”  He seemed to like the food so much… or did his own moan remind Remy of how he sounded when Logan was making love to him?  Was he ashamed of his own arousal that Logan had smelled on him?

 

            “Jus’ didn’ feel like it,” he mumbled.

 

            “You sayin’ I’m a bad cook?” Logan pressed.

 

            Remy looked up to Logan with a little bit of fear in his eyes.  He didn’t want to offend Logan any more than he already had.  Logan caught the concern in Remy’s eyes, but let him say whatever he was going to.  “I never said dat, Logan.”

 

            Sighing, Logan grabbed the plate from the bedside.  “If I heat it up, will ya eat it?” he asked.  Remy nodded, hiding his face under his hair again.  “Okay.  I’m gonna grab some books for ya and heat this up.  I’ll be back soon,” he said and was off.

 

            Remy lay on his bed, feeling worthless and dirty.  Why did you have ta choose Logan? he asked himself.  Y’ couldda chosen Bobby or Scott, an’ dat wouldda been jus’ fine.  No complications.  But you, y’ bastard Cajun, had t’ go an’ choose de guy you were actually attracted to.  Y’ shouldda treated it like a pinch an’ not gotten any feelin’s involved.  Dat way y’ wouldn’t be so god damned hurt by de awkwardness.  He spent the next couple of minutes berating himself for his lack of intelligence and forethought as well as his obviously strange taste in men.

           

 

            Logan was carrying books to Remy’s room from the library when a thought struck him pretty hard.  He really wanted Remy to open up to him… and the thought that struck him was that maybe he should open up to Remy first….  Then things that were bothering Remy might just come up because they were probably things that were bothering Logan.  Of course, this little plan involved telling his deepest feelings to a man that he hardly knew.

 

            Still, what they were likely to talk about were things that they both had experienced… and Logan did want to talk about them—just not with Chuck.  Feeling decided Logan quickened his pace to Remy’s room with food balanced on top of a small pile of books.

 

            He hadn’t known what to get for Remy to read, so he randomly selected from the fiction section and one from the sciences section.  Tapping the door, Remy called out, “’S open!”  The call sounded like a grumble, if Logan didn’t mistake the depth of his voice.

 

            Prying open the door, with his free hand, Logan went and set the food down next to Remy on the bed and set the books down in front of him on the floor.  “Not that I don’t trust ya, kid, but I ain’t gonna reheat that again, so eat.”  Logan crossed his arms and settled down against the wall opposite Remy, so they could face each other.  Remy grimaced and turned to shove food in his mouth.  His stomach was objecting still, but only because he was feeling uneasy about the thoughts that had been going through his head until Logan came in.

 

            Remy finished the plate quickly, surprised at how his stomach welcomed the protein once he got over his discomfort.  Logan sat across from him looking through the books that he had brought with him.  He had gotten a book on astronomy—lovely, and a few mysteries.  He hoped that Remy would like one of them, but really had no clue.  What did Cajuns read anyway?

 

            Sighing, he let the books fall to the floor again.  Remy looked at Logan curiously from his finished plate and set the dish beside him.  “J’ai finis,” he said and wondered to himself why Logan was still there.  Surely he still made the man uncomfortable.

 

            “Finally,” he said, sounding a little annoyed, but Remy wasn’t sure whether he was truly irritated or not.  His face and his voice told him that the man was miffed, but the fact that he was there at all spoke mounds to the contrary.  Logan looked back down at the books he brought up, fingering them.  “I didn’t know what ya might like, so I just grabbed some stuff.  Lemme know if there’s anythin’ ya’d prefer,” he said in his same grouchy tone.

 

            What was he still doing there?  He couldn’t feel that responsible for hurting Remy—could he?  Feeling his eyes narrow in perplexity, he couldn’t suppress a frown.  “Tanks,” he said looking at Logan’s face, which was avoiding Remy’s eyes, trying to be casual about it, but was somehow not.

 

            Leaning away from the books, Logan looked off to Remy’s window, noting that his curtains were thicker than in any of the other rooms.  “You… mind if I ask ya somethin’, Remy?”  Logan’s voice was much more quiet and soft when he said that and Remy was even more baffled.

 

            Awe, merde!  Remy’s frown deepened, but Logan didn’t see it as he hadn’t looked at Remy’s face since he started thinking about how to broach this subject with him.  “What?” he asked softly, although his tone was not as gentle as Logan’s.

 

            The near anger in Remy’s voice called Logan’s gaze and he was met with a scowl.  He rethought asking him anything, or offering anything for that matter.  Clearing his throat despite the upset face in front of him, Logan asked, “Why’d ya pick me?”  The question was one that had been gnawing at him ever since the order had come out of the kid’s mouth.  He regretted asking it as soon as the words left his lips because Remy’s face crumpled into an expression that was more hurt than any he’d ever seen him wear.

 

            “Told y’,” he said quietly.  “I trusted y’.”  I trusted y’ t’ not make anythin’ of it… or t’ ignore dat dere was somethin’ dere.  ‘Course dat was only part o’ de reason I chose y’.  His thoughts traveled to other reasons Remy chose Logan that went beyond his trust of the feral man.  Y’ may be short, Logan, but oh, y’ powerfully built.  Dieu, dat body makes me sweat.  Y’ eyes feel like dey jus’ cut right trough me… an’ y’ain’ disappointed by what y’ see….  It’s jus’… what I imagine y’ t’ be, Logan.  I have no idea who y’ are.  Remy’s eyes closed, trying to hide what felt like torment, but expressed it all the same.

 

            “I don’t… I don’t wanna betray that trust, kid,” he said quietly.  Remy’s lips pursed in thought, then opened.

 

            “Y’ haven’ so far,” he said mildly.  Logan nodded, and wracked his brain for how to phrase his request.  His lips worked, trying to decide where to start.

 

            “Can we… talk about what happened?”

 

            Remy blinked at Logan, pain still present, but on the backburner.  “What is dere t’ talk ‘bout?” he asked, not really knowing what Logan was aiming for.

 

            Sighing quietly, Logan started, “Chuck thought I should talk about it and… I couldn’t talk about it with anybody else, y’ know?”

 

            Remy’s heart started thudding hard in his rib cage and he could feel the bed against his chest.  Logan must have heard how loud his heartbeat was, so Remy tried to calm down.  His mind was racing as to all the things that could go wrong with them talking about this.  Remy could find that Logan felt that he had been abused and that would just make Remy sick.  He also feared that he would let something slip and that Logan would storm out of his room and never speak to him again.  He didn’t know if he could live with Logan being angry at him all the time.  Remy just nodded his head in understanding.  If he were to talk about this particular event with anyone openly, it would be Logan… and maybe he would need that outlet too.

 

            “I was hopin’ ya’d hear me out.”  Remy nodded and swallowed, afraid of what Logan might say.

 

            Nodding, Logan took a deep breath, unsure about where to start.  “I feel like such an ass,” he chided himself shaking his head, looking at the floor.

 

            Remy’s eyes squinted at Logan.  “Why?”

 

            “I don’t have a right ta be feelin’ like I got the short end o’ the stick here, kid,” he said cocking his head to the side, looking at Remy with an exasperated expression that said Remy should know that better than he did.

 

            Remy really wanted to contradict him and assure him that Remy didn’t get such a short stick, but that would automatically lead him to Remy’s feelings about what happened and that was dangerous territory.  “We bot’ got pretty short sticks, mon ami.  Least I don’ have ta go an face de rest o’ de team right away,” he explained, looking for some convincing argument that would be light and lead the conversation away from Remy’s true feelings.

 

            Looking at Remy’s hair, he was able to convince himself that it was close enough to eye contact.  “Every time I think about it I just—everythin’s confusin’, ya know?”

 

            Tell me about it.  “Why’s it confusin’?” he asked coaxingly.

 

            Heh.  Who was supposed ta be bein’ the psychologist here, kid?  “I know I hurt ya… I feel like I was used,” Remy’s stomach clenched in a pang of guilt, but Logan paid it no mind and continued on, “but I feel like I don’t have the right ta feel like I got used when yer layin’ in bed barely able ta walk….”

 

            “Logan—it’s okay,” Remy tried to console.

 

            “It’s not okay!!!” he roared suddenly, surprising Remy so much that he started.  “I’m not okay an’ you sure as hell ain’t okay, Remy.”

 

            “Who are you ta say wheder I’m okay or not, hunh?”

 

            “A keen observer,” he growled.

 

            “Den mind y’ own damn business!” Remy shouted.  He looked at the floor when Logan was silent after that comment.

 

            “Ya think you layin’ there because o’ what I did ta you is none o’ my business?” he asked softly but angrily.  His voice held more venom in it soft than it had loud.

 

            Do you even care, Logan?  Obviously, he did care… but he wouldn’t care enough.  Not to the point of love and not in the way that Remy longed for.  “Merci f’ de books,” he said, trying to hold onto his civility until Logan left.

Stiffening, Logan sat against the wall a moment, staring down Remy’s glowing red eyes.  They each kept the other’s angry gaze until Logan growled low in his throat and got up to leave.  Grabbing Remy’s plate on the way out, he didn’t know if he would be able to stomach going to see the kid any more—not if he was going to act like that.

Remy’s teeth clenched, even after he had won the staring contest and he broke down.  He had wanted to comfort Logan by telling him that he hadn’t minded being taken like that—even when it got a little rough….  Of course, if he were to imply to Logan that he had liked it, even a little, Logan might never look at him again.  At least if he was angry at him this way, there was a chance Logan would just blow it off.

 

            Remy bit down a cry as more tears of pain and fear rose unbidden to his eyes.  Logan had thankfully left before then so he wouldn’t hear the tiny sniffle within the room.

 

            Logan stopped outside Remy’s room with the door closed and listened to the choked sound punctuated by a sniffle.  He was crying!  Part of him wanted to go back into the room and wrap the boy in his arms to comfort him, but he knew that was a very bad idea.  The kid had been abused—you didn’t go and try to use physical proximity with people who’d gone through that.  The urge to go and apologize to him tugged at his chest, but he forced himself to stay there.  His anger was absorbed by the guilt for making the young man cry and he felt like he probably would return tomorrow to check on him again and bring him food. 

He also knew that there was more going on in that boy’s head than he would ever let Logan see.  He didn’t know how he was going to deal with all of this, but he was going to.  Maybe he should just give Remy some space.  Sighing, he stepped silently down the hallway, planning on working on his bike.

 

 

Chapter Three

 

            Remy was thankful that Logan hadn’t tried to talk to him seriously again, even though he had come to visit him.  He still could tell that the man felt guilty about this situation, and he figured that he probably would until Remy was actually up and about.  Trying to get up and shower was something Remy didn’t attempt until his third day of rehab, and by then he was really feeling the need for one.

 

            Thankfully, Logan hadn’t said anything when Remy got ripe.  He didn’t visit as often, but that could have been for any number of reasons, one of which may very well have been the lingering memory of their fight the other day, but could also have been his body odor.

 

            Climbing into the shower, Remy could stand a lot better than he could sit at the moment and he made sure that the water was really hot so it would ease the soreness in his stiff muscles.  He was afraid to fiddle with the stitched area much, so he did a mild cleaning of that area with the soap and hissed when the soap stung.  That was great.

 

            Once out of the shower, Remy felt rejuvenated and like he might like to try actually walking around.  He had made it to the shower just fine and the past couple of days he had made it to and from the bathroom without doubling over in pain, so he was pretty optimistic about his ability to handle mobility.

 

            Getting dressed in baggy jeans and a comfortable t-shirt, Remy made his way downstairs, deciding to take the elevator to save himself the trouble of actual steps.  He didn’t think he was ready for stairs just yet.  He stepped into the kitchen, looking for Scott.  It was around lunch time, so he had been pretty confident that he would be found there, but he didn’t find Scott and instead found Rogue.

 

            Second person I was lookin’ for!  He smiled at her and stepped up to her smoothly.  Protecting his hands from her skin with her hair, he held her face.  She looked perplexed at him, but he didn’t mind.  Rogue had a beautiful face.  He was so tempted to kiss her right then.  Her pouty lips beckoned him and he leaned toward her.  “I’m so glad y’ okay, cher,” he said sincerely to her.

 

            Rogue pulled back from his grasp and from his approaching lips and she looked at him with eyes full of scorn.  “Ah know where that mouth’s been, Cajun.”  A pang like none Remy had ever felt ran through his body and he felt nauseous at the same time. 

She slipped out of his hands that no longer held her.  Even after she had left his grasp, his hands cupped the air, as if they were trying to hold onto the memory of her… but that didn’t keep the reality from crashing in on him.  His body felt weak, like he was going to just fall over in a stiff wind.  How could anyone say something like that?  Did he save her life for nothing?  Was everyone going to reject him?

 

            Remy’s loose hands clenched into fists and he stared at where Rogue had been, even though she had left the kitchen minutes ago.  It was the scrape of a chair along the floor that alerted Remy that he was not alone and hadn’t been for that particularly humiliating scene.  Closing his eyes in misery, he bowed his head and waited for someone to gloat over how dirty he was.  His throat closed up around the knot there and he slowly turned to see Logan standing there with sympathy and guilt written in large letters on his face.

 

            Logan seemed to have nothing but pity for him—which he resented… but then again, he was glad that it hadn’t been someone else that saw that little exchange, otherwise Logan might not be the only source of pity on the team.  From Logan, he was starting to get used to it.  He had hoped that their relationship would go back to normal, but it had done anything but.

 

            Thinking about Logan brought his thoughts away from Rogue and he was able to get himself back under control.  He took a deep breath and grimaced at Logan.  He wondered if Logan got that sort of treatment from Jean, even though they weren’t going out by any means.  He cringed and started moving back upstairs.  He would find Scott later and tell him about his progress in a past tense observation.

 

            Logan wanted to go and console him, but you just couldn’t console somebody from something like that.  He decided to go after Rogue instead.  He found her headed to her room and caught up with her.  “Rogue, hang on a second.  Do you know how bad he feels about all that?”

 

            “Ah don’t know.  He seemed ta like it at the time,” she said with distain.

 

            “He was acting, damnit!  He was acting the best he could ta save yer hide along with the other X-Men!  You think he wanted ta do that?!  I know he didn’t!”  Logan thought he might have been the only person on the team who talked to the kid, but he knew that he wasn’t.  It just felt like that because… they were all ignoring him, weren’t they?  Rogue hadn’t spoken to him—now it was obvious why.  Storm just went to feed him, Cyclops wasn’t speaking to him—no one was.  The Professor wasn’t speaking to him, but that was because Remy refused to talk… maybe that was why no one else tried to console the thief.

 

            “Logan, Ah don’t—“ Rogue blushed.  “Just because Ah’m inexperienced, doesn’t mean Ah don’t know how a man works.  He was excited, Logan.  By you, no less. Ah’m grateful that he saved everybody’s lives, but that was disgustin’.  Ah ain’t sure Ah could get close ta him again, much less thank about anythin’ more.”

 

            “Yer gonna dump him because o’ the single most self-sacrificing thing he’s ever done?!”

 

            “It wasn’t, Logan!  He was getting’ off on it!  Who knows if he didn’t plan it?  Ah wouldn’t be surprised, Logan.  Like everybody else heah, you been played for a fool.”  She made for her room after that and Logan could do nothing but let her go.  Logan was too shocked to retort to what she had said.  Was what she said true?  Remy had told the Professor that he wasn’t attracted to Logan… but what about Remy’s arousal, and… the way he kissed?

 

            Logan was unable to get the thoughts out of his head and he couldn’t help but go look for Remy.  Remy was in his room, but he wasn’t answering the door.  Knocking, Logan called out, “Hey, kid!  You in there?  Can I talk to ya, please?”  There wasn’t even any sound that he could discern from inside.  When he quieted down though and pressed his ear to the door, he could hear Remy’s quiet breathing, but only faintly.  The kid was trying to ignore the world, was what it looked like.  He could understand that.

 

            Giving Remy time to cool down and think about Rogue’s behavior was probably the best thing to do at the moment.  He would just bring things up when he brought Remy’s dinner that evening.  Remy was probably unlikely to sit for several weeks, so he’d be taking meals in his bed where he could ‘lie on his front,’ as he put it.

 

            Spending the next couple of hours thinking about what Rogue said, Logan didn’t like the direction of his thoughts.

 

 

            It was mid-evening when Logan brought Remy’s food up to him.  Ororo had given him some vegetable lasagna to take upstairs to Remy with the chicken that Logan was bringing him.  He hoped with food he could lure Remy into opening his door.  When he knocked, he heard a heavy sigh from beyond and then Remy’s voice said, “C’min, Logan.”  Remy recognized Logan’s knock.

 

            Logan was a little surprised that Remy knew it was him.  It was technically Ororo’s turn to bring Remy his food… but maybe he understood how much Logan needed to talk to him about what happened downstairs and predicted his trading turns with Ororo.  Stepping inside, Logan set the tray on the bed beside Remy before closing the door like he had done several times before.  Remy was digging into the lasagna the moment the tray was beside him.  He probably figured that food would keep discussion at bay, but not only would that not keep Logan from talking, but Logan was also pretty patient.  Especially when it came to discussing some of the things that Rogue said to Logan about Remy.

 

            “I wish I could tell ya that Rogue said she was sorry for what she said to ya earlier…” Logan started off.  Remy put down his fork, having lost his appetite at those words.  He sighed, wishing that Logan would have given him another minute before telling him horrible things that made him not want to eat.  He needed the food, dang it!

 

            “She tell everybody at de dinner table how sick I am?” he asked, hurt.

 

            “She didn’t say a word over dinner,” Logan said.  He didn’t think she had the guts to in front of Xavier.  “But before… she said some things that I guess… made me think.”  He was wary about bringing this up.  Then again, he had decided that he was going to be the one to open up and tell Remy about all his insecurities because they needed to talk about it.  He had done a bang up job of that earlier and he didn’t want to repeat it.

 

            “Logan… I’m sorry I chose you, okay?”  I’m sorry I trusted you….

 

            “Kid… I ain’t upset.  I just… I felt like I needed somebody ta talk to about some o’ the thoughts I been havin’ an’ I figured you’d be the only person to really understand.”

 

            Remy blinked at Logan when he said that.  “What… t’oughts?”

 

            Huffing, Logan looked at the carpet in Remy’s room that he sat down on.  “I can’t get that… scene outta my head.”

 

            Remy’s heart jumped at that and Logan was intrigued by the little sputter.  Swallowing, Remy looked at Logan before he asked, “What ‘bout de scene?”

 

            “Everythin’,” Logan said simply, holding Remy’s tentatively given gaze.

 

            “Why…?”  Remy’s eyes sparkled with emotion and Logan thought he smelled fear in the room.

 

            “Cause it was hot—you were hot.”  Logan heard a distinct lack of breath from Remy and hoped that the young man wouldn’t pass out on him.  His eyebrows had shot up minutely at Logan’s admission and his face hadn’t moved since, so there was no telling what the kid was thinking.

 

            A frown slowly spread over his face.  “I’m… glad y’ liked it,” he said in a whisper.  “Y’ don’ have ta feel guilty ‘bout likin’ it.  Was meant t’ make y’ feel good….”  Remy’s eyes didn’t go anywhere near Logan’s.

 

            “Yeah, I know it was.  What about you?” he said conversationally.

 

            “Hunh?” Remy asked, the twinge of fear turning his stomach.

 

            “Was it meant ta make you feel good too?”

 

            Remy squinted.  “De stitches hurt,” he said, his voice cracking a little.

 

            “I’m sorry about that… but I meant before ya passed out—before it started hurtin’.  Remy… did you like it?”

 

            Remy’s lips pressed together before he tried to explain.  “Logan… when a man… when y’ get taken—right… dere’s a spot… an’….”  Remy looked like he was about to break down.

 

            “Shhh….” Logan consoled, and leaned over to Remy.  Remy wanted to back away from Logan, but Logan didn’t seem to be upset, so he let the arm come around his shoulders.  “I ain’t gonna be upset if ya liked it.  I could smell ya were excited, but I didn’t know what it was all about.  I know there’s weird psychology that goes on… an’ I just wanted ta talk about it… ‘cause I hadn’t been able ta stop thinkin’ about it fer very long.  I guess I kinda waned ta know that I wasn’t the only one that liked it….”  It was somehow very important to him that Remy enjoyed it also.  “It… it almost felt like ya weren’t actin’,” he said with a soft smile.  What if Remy hadn’t been acting?  What if everything he said to him in that room was the truth and was sincere?  Logan found some part of him hoping that Remy hadn’t been acting.

 

            “I was actin’…” he said contradicting what Logan had just put forth.  I was actin’ like I was actin’…. When he really wanted to not be acting at all and tell Logan everything.

 

            “Oh,” Logan said, crestfallen.

 

            The sad expression on Logan’s face made Remy rethink what he said to Logan.  “But I… didn’t wan’ t’ be actin’… when I was in dere wid you….”  He had wanted to act passionately.  Wanted to tell him what was in his heart and not have to ham everything up.  He swallowed, waiting for Logan’s response, and he didn’t have to wait long.

 

            “Ya… ya didn’t…?”  Logan found his own heart racing at the implications.  “Ya told the Professor that ya weren’t attracted ta me….”  The question went unvoiced, but it hardly needed realization.

 

            Remy looked at Logan oddly.  The Professor must have told him, then.  He didn’t think that the Professor was allowed to say things like that… maybe he made an exception considering the circumstances.  “De Prof. said… he t’ought I might have feelin’s for y’….  I didn’ wan’ him t’ say anythin’… so I lied….” Remy admitted, looking away from Logan.  He had tried to rationalize to himself that the word ‘might’ in the Professor’s sentence absolved him from the guilt of lying… but it didn’t.  His reaction had been out of instinct.  He didn’t want Logan knowing… but now that Logan had said that he liked it—of course he liked it!  What were y’ tinkin’, Le Beau?  He came!  Remy remembered the taste of it and shut his eyes hard.  That didn’t mean he had emotional feelings for Remy.  Remy cursed himself six ways for being seven kinds of a fool.

 

            Logan smiled brightly at Remy, although he was worried about the frown the boy seemed to be sporting still.  “What… kinda feelin’s, hunh?” he asked, both curious and hopeful.  He hoped that they mirrored the feelings that Logan was finding he was quickly developing for Remy.

 

            “Logan, I’m so embarrassed,” he said, turning absolutely red in Logan’s embrace.

 

            “Embarrassed?” he asked quizzically.

 

            “I… liked y’ from de moment I saw y’….”  Admittedly, that was only about six months ago, but six months of secretive wanting sure wore heavily on Remy.  “I was sure y’ were straight….”

 

            Logan stiffened at that remark.  Did his feelings for Remy make him no longer straight?  What did that mean about his manhood?  “I….”  Logan didn’t know what to say.  Because he liked the way Remy looked when he was kneeling before him and presenting his ass, did that mean that he was not a man…?  Or because he was having a strong man bend over for him did that mean he was too much of a man?  Logan was confused.

 

            “Y’ are… aren’t y’?” he said.  God, and he just admitted to his feelings for him!  Remy felt sick, and he feared making the toilet in time.  He started trembling in Logan’s grasp, unable to move.

 

            “Look… Remy… I ain’t sussed out all the details yet… but I know what I like—an’ that was incredible.”

 

            Remy’s lips pursed, his stomach still not calm, but not in danger of throwing up Ororo’s lasagna.  Maybe Logan didn’t have feelings for him, but he wasn’t going to turn away from him in disgust.  Shakily sighing, Remy nodded his head, reassuring himself that Logan wasn’t going to be furious with him. 

 

            “Was that… why ya weren’t eatin’… why ya been so moody?” he asked quietly.  Remy shrugged and still couldn’t believe that Logan implied he didn’t mind.  He looked down at the accumulated pile of books that had been growing daily because Logan would bring him more when he came up with lunch. 

 

            “Thought I… made y’ uncomfortable,” Remy said.  That had been sure to kill his appetite any time he thought about it.

 

            “Heh.  Well, I thought I downright scared ya, so there.”  Had Remy really been raped, there wouldn’t have been a soul who could convince him that Remy wasn’t afraid of him.  Remy’s frown lessened.  Logan started unsteadily, “So… now that we got this out in the open, can we still talk about this?”  Remy nodded.  “Good, ‘cause as pissed as I am at those bastards fer makin’ ya do that… I’m a little pissed at you fer caterin’ ta their needs.”  Remy was surprised to hear that.

 

            “What?” he said, looking over at Logan.  “I don’ understand.”  He had saved the lives of the women… what more did he want?

 

            “They said they just wanted us ta have sex, Remy.  Ya could have done that without making a big martyr production of it,” Logan said.  He really would have preferred not to have Remy hurt like that.

 

            “What if it wasn’ good enough, Logan, hunh?  Den Jeannie and ‘Ro an’ Betsy… an’ even Rogue wouldda died.  I couldn’ live wid m’self if dat happened….”

 

            “Remy, they mighta killed ‘em just fer the hell of it, whether we were good or not.  Ya didn’t have ta put yerself outta commission.”

 

            “I didn’ wanna take any chances.  I t’ought… dat if dey found us bein’ cooperative dat dey would figure us as money in de bank, y’ know?  If we finally started cooperatin’, den tings wouldn’ be so bad f’ us, an’ dey could use us over an’ over ‘gain.”  Logan nodded.

 

            “All right, kid.  I see where yer comin’ from.  Just… don’t wanna hurt ya again, okay?”

 

            Remy blinked at that statement.  What did Logan mean by that?  Was—was he implying that they might have sex again?  Was he implying that he didn’t want to hurt Remy in other ways he might be called upon to hurt him?  Was he afraid of hurting Remy on accident?  How would he?  Logan could feel Remy’s mind stall next to him.  His breath had caught in his throat; he wasn’t breathing any more, and his heart was doing double time.

 

            “Kid…?” Logan asked, amused that he was still getting so upset about all of this.  Logan had told him that it was okay.  “Hey, Remy, ya still with me?”  Remy nodded, but his breath still wasn’t coming on the inhale.  Reaching over to Remy’s face, Logan took his jaw in his hand and pulled Remy’s eyes to his own.  “Whatcha thinkin’?” he asked.

 

            Not really knowing a way to respond that would put forth succinctly all of what Remy was thinking his mouth hung open trying to figure out what he could say.  “I…  What….?”  Remy really wanted to ask what Logan meant by that, but how would he sound if he actually said that?  Logan was patiently waiting for Remy’s question and, or thoughts.  “How… d’ y’ mean…?”

 

            “I mean… I don’t wanna hurt ya.  At all.  Any way.”  Logan held Remy tighter as he trembled under Logan’s arm.  “What’s scarin’ ya, kid?” he asked.  It wasn’t really reasonable for Remy to feel scared about Logan insisting that he didn’t want to hurt the boy.

 

            Scared?  Was Remy scared?  He was trembling….  He was scared that Logan would want him again… physically.  He was scared of becoming emotionally involved with him.  Would a physical relationship with Logan be so bad, even if Logan didn’t have much of an emotional attachment to him?  Did Logan want a physical relationship then?  But how was he going to ask these questions and not sound like an ass?  “Logan… I don’ understand what y’ wan’….”

 

            Raising his eyebrows at Remy, Logan leaned away from him so he could get a better look at his face and those confused eyes.  He wasn’t aware he had implied he wanted anything other than a conversation.  “I just wanted ta talk to ya… is that okay?”  Remy’s eyebrows drew down in a perplexed expression, as he stared out at the wall.  Slowly, he nodded.  Logan smiled and settled against Remy.  “I’m glad yer doin’ better.  How was yer walk today?”

 

            “Aside from humiliatin’?” he asked, really hating to even remember what Rogue had said to him.

 

            “Rogue didn’t have the right ta say somethin’ like that to ya.”

 

            “She said it anyway,” he observed.  It wasn’t like it wasn’t true.  He thought it was kind of ironic that she had a hatred for a particular kind of people when she was among the hated and feared herself.  The irony didn’t do anything for the ache in his chest.

 

            “Listen, if she’s got issues ta work out, it’s her loss,” Logan tried to console.  Remy didn’t seem to take much comfort in Logan’s words.  He could see why.  “Y’ hurtin’?” Logan asked when Remy didn’t reply.

 

            “Not too much,” he said quietly, although he was speaking about the pain in his back rather than the twinge in his heart.  He was still amazed that someone could insult another to the depths that Rogue had insulted him.  The shock had been part of the ache that wasn’t going away.

 

            Logan was struck with the desire to give him a hug and moved such that he could embrace him as he knelt at the foot of the bed.  “It’s gonna be okay, kid,” he assured because he felt Remy needed reassurance.  He rubbed his back gently and Remy’s arms molded to Logan around his waist.  The hug lasted for a few minutes and they each were quiet.

 

            Squeezing lightly before breaking the contact, Logan eased back so he could look at Remy again.  “Why don’cha eat up?” Logan asked and leaned against the wall opposite the foot of the bed so he could face Remy.  Sighing heavily, Remy turned to his food and felt kind of weird all of a sudden eating in front of Logan, but he didn’t bring it up.  Logan had probably already eaten.  Logan picked up a book that was on the top of the pile and asked, “So… you read these things that I bring up?”

 

            Remy looked at Logan oddly and said, “Got nothin’ better t’ do,” around a mouthful of lasagna.

 

            “You finished with all of ‘em?”  Remy nodded.  “All de ones in dat pile.  Haven’ finished dis one,” he said indicating the one that was still on his bed.

 

            “An’ I bet yer still bored,” Logan smirked.

 

            Shrugging, Remy said, “Books’re more stimulating than nothing… but not as stimulatin’ as conversation, poker, drinkin’, sex, or a pinch.”  He listed them in ascending order from least to most stimulating.

 

            Logan noted that and raised an eyebrow.  “Sex is less stimulatin’ fer you than rippin’ somethin’ offa somebody?”

 

            Remy’s smile was secretive.  There were certainly more twists and turns to a pinch than there were to sex.  It typically lasted longer, if you counted preparation and the high lasted for hours once it was accomplished where the afterglow lasted only minutes after.  There was an ego brush either way, he would admit that… but it was one thing to say that you were a really great lover, and another entirely to say that you were the Greatest Thief in the World—which Remy happened to be.  The thought of showing Logan how it felt was intriguing, but he doubted that the man would want to steal anything, much less get a high off of it.  “Us Master Thieves are all messed up in de head.”

 

            Snorting at that, Logan dismissed it and figured the kid got as much as he needed of sex, so why would it be anything new or special?  “So I suppose rippin’ somethin’ off an’ havin’ sex at the same time is the ultimate stimulation.”

 

            Expression twisting, Remy had to think about that one.  He had been put off doing that one ever since Jenny, but he had done it since.  “Depends,” he said sadly.  He didn’t really want to talk about that and so he turned the conversation in a direction that was going to put Logan off balance.  “You said… y’ were—bodered,” he asked, “by de scene…?”  The question was pretty off topic… well, was a jump back a topic, but Logan didn’t seem to mind.  After all, hadn’t he been asking if they could talk about it?

 

            “It ain’t that it bothered me, I just haven’t been able ta stop thinkin’ about it.”

 

            Pursing his lips before he said it, Remy asked, “Y’… wan’… more?” he asked very quietly.  He nearly met Logan’s eyes, but it took him a moment to get up the courage to look him full in the face.  He watched his lips, his chest moving, the space to the left of his head, but not his eyes until his heart dictated he face what he had said.

 

            Logan’s eyebrows just about left his forehead.  Was that an offer!??  He stared at Remy and Remy’s eyes were unwavering back once they locked on his.  Logan wasn’t able to ascertain whether that was in fact an offer or not, but it sure felt like one.  The intonation didn’t indicate it would have been an offer, but it was hard to tell with his voice so breathy.  “What are you… Remy, what are you sayin’?”

 

            Leaving Logan’s face, Remy’s eyes sought out the carpet instead.  “Was jus’… wonderin’.”  Remy didn’t know if he would have wanted Logan to respond with an ‘of course I want to jump your bones’ comment or if he wanted Logan to assure him that nothing like that was going to happen again.  The first outcome would have been far more interesting and satisfying, especially when he got to take him up on it, but the second was… more stable.  

 

            Face a knot of confusion, Logan tried to smell what Remy was thinking, but he was giving off no hints.  So… now the question was, did Logan want more?  He had definitely liked what happened… but was he comfortable with it when it wouldn’t be against his will?  Forget him, what about Remy?  That couldn’t have been good for him… but wasn’t that just what he had been asking—if it was good for Remy at some point?  The answer had seemed to be yes.  Then was it right for him to take him up on such an offer considering what happened between them?

 

            Not feeling comfortable with the train of thought that was steadily slipping into the possibility of fooling around, Logan shook his head to clear his thoughts.  “I… Gumbo… I don’t think it would be a good idea,” he said in a moment of sanity.

 

            “Wasn’ what I asked, but okay,” he conceded, nodding.  He supposed that indirectly, Remy got his answer and it was a pretty clear no.

 

            Logan wasn’t sure if he could do that to Remy again, even if he asked.  Knowing that the kid had feelings for him now made everything more awkward too.  He liked Remy, but he didn’t enjoy feeling the filth that seemed to cling to him when he even thought about the scene between them.  There was no telling whether he would be able to do anything similar again with Remy’s consent, to say nothing of without.  He was starting to wonder whether he really had Remy’s consent the first time or not.  Remy volunteered them both for the whole thing… did that absolve Logan of any culpability?   The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to tell himself no, but Remy was still looking at him nervously from the bed, like he wanted something. 

Wanting to tell Logan that Remy guessed that he did in fact want more, but was unwilling to acknowledge it because of what that might mean, Remy tried not to speak.  He looked at Logan and fished for a topic of conversation that was neutral.  “You still… feel guilty ‘bout what happened?” Remy asked.  That wasn’t exactly neutral, but it was on his mind.  He had given up when he had been unable to say anything as ridiculous as ‘how ‘bout dem Yankees.’

 

            Lips tightening, Logan looked steadfastly at Remy’s floor just underneath the bed.  “I don’t think I’m ever gonna stop feelin’ guilty for it, Remy.” 

 

            Desperately wanting to tell him that it wasn’t Logan’s fault—that he hadn’t hurt Remy, he didn’t think the persuasion would go over well.  He had tried that avenue—telling Logan he was okay, but it hadn’t worked.  Logan had actually gotten pretty upset at him.  Maybe once he was all healed he would be able to convince Logan not to feel bad about it.  Then their relationship could go back to a semblance of its former self.  On the other hand, now that Logan knew the way Remy felt about him… could they possibly go back to their old relationship where they were just team mates? 

They had been strangers, really.  Remy had admitted that he saw the same loner style in him, and Logan probably saw something similar, but they had never done anything together.  Logan had offered to chaperone with Jubilee for a date between Remy and Rogue… and they had been captured by Omega Red, which just set off another adventure, but… they had never really connected.  Not until now.  How could one just ignore that connection—that shared experience?

Sighing, Remy looked at the floor and felt uncomfortable in the room with Logan again.  He felt… like he still would have to wear the façade of not being attracted to Logan, even now that he knew what Remy’s feelings were.  Was it fair that Logan would keep punishing himself over this?  Remy didn’t think so. 

Lost in thought, Logan was thinking about everything from his blame in all of this and his reaction to Remy’s little confession, to Remy’s offer.  Did—was Remy asking him to start a relationship?  The thought brought bodily reactions he wasn’t expecting.  His heart sped up, his breathing shallowed and his already half-interested penis twitched. 

Shoving the thought from his mind, Logan told himself that wasn’t what he wanted.  He couldn’t hurt Remy again and certainly not on a regular basis… but hadn’t it been good, Logan? he asked himself.  Didn’t the kid like it?  Wasn’t that the entire reason he chose you?  Shaking his head, Logan knew he had to get out from in front of Remy to think about his own feelings.  “I’ll… bring ya some more books tomorrow, Remy,” he said shakily and got up from his place against the wall.  “You want anythin’ different next time?” he asked.

“Y’ find any mysteries, I’m usually up f’ dem… ‘specially if dey involve thieves,” Remy grinned.  He decided that he should let Logan go if he felt he needed to.  It was going to be a long night of worrying anyway, so he would have finished his last book by the end of the evening and definitely before Logan got back with more books for him.  Still, he would probably just end up worrying the night away about Logan.

“I’ll take a look,” he said as he headed for the door and opened it.  “See ya tomorrow, kid,” he said and shut the door gently.  On the hallway side of the door, Logan paused and thought about Remy with his hands still on the door knob.  He debated going back in the room and talking to Remy about what he wanted to do, or what he wanted from Logan… but he wasn’t ready to discuss it as if Remy’s comment had been an offer.  He also debated going back in and giving Remy one hell of a kiss, but he fought making that one any sort of serious consideration because that would make things really complicated.  Bracing himself for an entire night of confusion and soul-searching, Logan went off to the library to find more books for Remy. 

 

 

Chapter Four

 

            Hissing slightly as Remy got out of bed, he noted that he was still not as healed as he would have liked.  The throbbing had faded for the most part, but now there was this incessant sting and Remy couldn’t decide which was worse.  He hoped to actually be able to go downstairs and try to eat with everyone again… but his ass did hurt still.  Maybe he could stand it with some cushioning….  He would have to bring a pillow down with him, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to do that.  That would be pretty embarrassing, he decided.

 

            Pacing around his room and stretching as much as he could without hurting himself, Remy waited for Logan to show up.  He had been expecting him several minutes ago, but Remy supposed that Logan was probably getting tired of caring for him when Remy should really be caring for himself.  Maybe he would just go downstairs to get his own food and then bring it upstairs, that way Logan wouldn’t be inconvenienced, but he wouldn’t have to be embarrassed by a badge (the pillow) that pretty much said, ‘rough, gay sex went on in Remy’s ass.’

 

            Yeah, he would do that.  Opening the door, Remy almost ran into Logan.  “Logan!” Remy shouted surprised.

 

            “Kid!  Yer up,” he observed with a pleased face.  He held a breakfast tray and a few books under it.

 

            “Oui.  Feelin’ a bit better,” he explained and took the tray from Logan’s hands and went to sit on his soft bed.  Logan set the books in a new pile on Remy’s bed and started gathering up the ones he’d read.

 

            “Glad ta hear it,” he said.  He really was.  It was very reassuring to see him healing so well.  Hank came up and checked on him once every other day and he had yet to express that there was a problem.

 

            Digging into his food, Remy offered Logan a seat next to him on the bed.  He was sitting up at the head and if he guessed right, Logan was going to take the foot, not wanting to feel too close.  He supposed he could understand that.  He made him uncomfortable still.  It was obvious by when he left yesterday.

 

            As Remy predicted, Logan sat at the foot of his bed.  Logan was a little unsure of how to take this invite to sit on his bed.  Remy was actually sitting up, which showed great progress… but Logan still felt awkward about knowing he was hurt.  Did him sitting on Remy’s bed mean something?  He nervously watched Remy eat.  “You… feelin’ better then?” he asked, nervous enough to ask questions he had the answers to.

 

            “Lot better dan de first day, oui.”  He was markedly better than yesterday, even, but he was still not completely better.  “You still feelin’ guilty, Logan?” he asked a little indignant.  After what I said t’ you yesterday?  After y’ know dat I—have feelin’s for y’?  He noted that Logan was acting overly worried.

 

            “I said I ain’t gonna stop feelin’ guilty, Remy.  Not ever,” he said forcefully.  That’s why he had run yesterday.  He had been thinking about the possibility of being with Remy again and had been frightened by it.  He had entertained the possibility of kissing him again.  He had been thinking about whether or not Remy had been offering him… more, as he put it.  He was still confused by that.  That didn’t change the fact that the mere idea of this more Remy spoke of turned Logan on.

 

            “’M sorry y’ feel dat way,” Remy said quietly and picked at his food.  He wasn’t holding out much hope that Logan would stay and talk to him today, but he would like it if he did.  Leaning over with his plate with a heavy sigh, Remy jerked at the ache in his back and a strangled moan of discomfort came out.  He’d had an ache in his back that was from laying in bed all day for a week that he had tried to stretch out repeatedly, but it seemed he had just given himself a kink in his back.  Great.  Setting the tray aside, Remy started rubbing at it, soreness showing in a cringe as he rubbed.

 

            “Need a hand there, kid?” Logan asked.  He figured the boy should be crampy as all hell after being in bed for that long.

 

            “Wouldn’t mind it,” Remy said peeking out one eye that had been closed in a wince of discomfort. 

 

            “Well, lay down, then—on yer stomach,” Logan instructed.  Remy flopped down and tried to relax as Logan knelt on the bed beside him.  “Where’s it buggin’ ya?” he asked and Remy reached back to show him where was hurting in his lumbar region.  “Okay.  Take a deep breath,” Logan instructed.

 

            Remy did as he was asked and felt Logan’s thumbs start to dig into his flesh right around the area and a tingle went up his spine as the muscles were massaged.  Forcing himself to relax was actually harder than Remy realized it would be—he hadn’t tried something like that in ages.  “Let it out slow,” Logan instructed and Remy started letting his breath ease from his lungs.  It was like Logan was pushing the breath from him as he worked up his spine.  Remy could feel the tingle up his spine spread as his muscles relaxed and let go of some tension, but the ache in his lower back was far from gone.  Logan repeated his massage of his back several times, then went to focus on his lumbar region.

 

            It happened slowly, but Remy’s muscles did start to relax and the ache lessened until it was hardly noticeable any more.

           

 

 

 

Notes for future:   Remy was getting close to Rogue (physically) and tried to kiss her because he thought she might actually still like him… he did save their lives after all. 

“I’m so glad y’ safe, cher,” he whispered to her, looking at her beautiful face.  She stopped him with something along the lines of, “Ah’ve seen where that mouth’s been,” with disgust in her voice.  That pretty much had Remy off of Rogue permanently.

“I know I hurt ya

“You felt good

“I felt used

“Didn’t you feel used?

“How do I reconcile all these?

“How do I not blame myself fer hurtin’ ya?

“How do I live with feelin’ like… a whore?

“Even if I ain’t a whore… am I dirty?

“Is thinkin’ he’s sexy wrong?

 

Joke:   “Chicken cacciatore,” to catch a chicken tori, [tori= “bird” in Japanese]

 

 

Logan offers Remy a massage when Remy is rubbing at his back ineffectually after having been in bed for multiple days on end.  The massage goes well and Remy falls asleep under Logan’s touch, but Logan is awake and aroused by his smooth skin and shapliness discovering that he really liked Remy.

            When Remy was getting better, Remy was down in the kitchen for himself for once and Logan was there with him.  They were completely alone, but Remy happened to have his shirt off.  (He wasn’t on active Duty, so he was in casual dress.)   Logan kept staring at Remy and Remy starts noticing… and staring back.  Wanting to talk, Logan went over to him and tried to say something, but couldn’t think of anything that was appropriate.  They share their first not-under-duress kiss.

Stress on Logan because Scott and Jean are acting all lovey-dovey?